New Girlfriend... tells me about guys hit on her. Am I just being paranoid?

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10-09-10, 04:00 AM
Dolmetscher

New Girlfriend... tells me about guys hit on her. Am I just being paranoid?

I have been in this new relationship for 2 months now. I really care deeply for this girl, and I know she does for me as well. It is a long distance relationship for the moment. She lives 4 hours away by car. We are from the same home town. It's a long story as to how the relationship started, but I don't really think that matters. (It is a sweet story though).

So anyway... we of course talk on the phone a lot, and text most of the time. Some emails and even some Facebook chats. But in general, we only see each other for like 3-4 days at a time every two weeks. So, I knew when I got into this relationship that it would have it's drawbacks. She is an absolutely beautiful woman. I mean, she's a total 10! by anyone's standards. And she's done well for herself, so she has money. So basically, she gets hit on everyday, pretty much all day; by clients, strangers, co-workers, limo drivers, even her best friends karate instructor.

And all that's great. But she tells me about all of them. "So and So has a crush on me.", "We went to a party last night in a limo and the driver hit on me all night and ended up trying to give me his phone number.", "My boss sure has been giving me a lot of extra attention at work a lot lately since his wife left him."

And I don't think she does it out of some kind of weird "game" she's playing to make me jealous. I just honestly think that she feels so comfortable talking to me that she feels like she can talk to me about anything and everything. So, I'm not like, angry with her. To be 100% perfectly honest, it is just threatening.

Here's the deal. She drives a $110,000 Mercedes and lives in a Condo on the water front. I drive a 1996 Honda Accord with a dent in the back and live in a 2 room economy apartment. She earns six figures. Even though I am a college professor, I only earn in the low $30,000 range. I'm not a bad looking guy, and I am a hell of a lot of fun, and I know that she absolutely adores me... but I'm overweight, which no matter what just makes me kinda self-conscious.

So anyway... almost everything is great about this relationship. We really have such a connection, and we just laugh and laugh with each other. On a sexual level it was like we were made to be together. It is perfect. So, I really don't want to start rocking things by getting all paranoid and asking her to stop saying things etc. But at the same time, I can't help but wonder why in the hell she would even WANT to tell me all that. I get interest from ladies here in my town. Hell, the receptionist in my office has a mad crush on me. There are several students that would risk the semester to get with me. (Would NEVER go there... for the record.) But I just instinctively am aware that she would probably NOT want to hear about all that.

Why do you guys think she tells me these things? And should I just shut up about it, and just be thankful for what all is going right?
10-09-10, 04:10 AM
kitkitkitty

if she's comfortable enough to talk to you about all of this, you should be comfortable enough to tell her that all of this makes you feel... well kinda weird. has she got a low self-esteem? she may get a kick out of telling you so that she hears the compliments out loud. tell her that you know people are attracted to her and you know it'll happen but it's the kind of thing she should either tell her best mate(s) or no one. some things are better left unsaid i guess.
10-09-10, 05:01 AM
girl68

I tell my bf these things all the time. He appriciates the honesty and he like you knows that nothing will ever progress more than just getting hit on. He has told me it bothers him sometimes, but doesn't want me to keep it all a big hush hush deal. So basically I tell him sometimes and other times I don't.

As the previous poster says: you should speak up about how it's making you feel but don't do the whole I want to know but I can't handle the truth bullshit. If you don't want the stories just say you trust her, but would rather not here about the stories.
10-09-10, 06:24 AM
Dolmetscher

Well you see... I don't mind hearing about it. I really don't. Like if she is telling a story about something that she did that day, and it just happens to involve some dude hitting on her... Cool. Fine. Just makes the story funnier.

But when she texts me, one sentence. "My best friend's Karate instructor has a crush on me." That's when I get kinda like... "Errrrrrrr, and why would you think I would want to know that?!?"

I think I am going to keep my mouth shut for right now. Because it is still really early in the relationship, and it may just stop naturally. But a yellow flag has been successfully raised. i.e. It doesn't "mean" anything yet. But I am watching for it.
10-09-10, 06:33 AM
kitkitkitty

sounds like a bit of attention seeking on her behalf with the txting. do you normally respond to these txts?
10-09-10, 07:55 AM
xxazurexx

She's a bragger and is letting you know that you aint the only man in town. That she can 'pick and choose'....so you best treat her right.

My kid sister would pull this crap with her bf.....simply to get him jealous. She is an attention seeker and a drama queen.....my sis that is.
10-09-10, 09:24 AM
girl68

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dolmetscher [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But when she texts me, one sentence. "My best friend's Karate instructor has a crush on me." That's when I get kinda like... "Errrrrrrr, and why would you think I would want to know that?!?"

I think I am going to keep my mouth shut for right now. Because it is still really early in the relationship, and it may just stop naturally. But a yellow flag has been successfully raised. i.e. It doesn't "mean" anything yet. But I am watching for it.

I have 2 points to make:
1) if you keep your mouth shut I can gaurentee it will either get worse from her OR you will totally start to resent this behaviour and it will show in your interactions with her wheather you intend it that way or not. Letting things slide to fester is just about the worse thing you can do.
2) that text is a cry for attention most likely from you. do you compliment her that text to me screams: "he likes me but I want to know you adore me, tell me so!"

IMO if you're cool with the first part, that's cool but those texts are not something she should be sending...