Does the 'No Contact' thing actually work??
Apparently... 'No Contact' is the best way to get someone back... they miss you more the less they hear from you so if it was a real love relationship they eventually get back in touch or come back.
Old Case - (First Love)
I remember my first love and I split some 10 years ago now... after a relationship that lasted a few years, we drifted and then she ended things... needing to experience life (we were too young) and I ended up sobbing on her doorstep and was incredibally needy at the time... in the end I had to pull away.. it was an embarassing show by me but this was the first time I had ever tasted rejection. She then started dating someone new... we even walked past each other at a shopping centre although my mates had to point out I had missed her as she passed.... apparently she looked embarassed.
Then some new friends came into my life and my social life became the busiest it had ever been, I never even thought about my ex at all and I had completely moved on. Then she made a call which my Dad (was living at home) picked up and forgot to tell me about until much much later. Then a month or so later I went through my daily post and discovered a love letter from her.... I was 100% over her by then and just didn't care anymore - I had completely moved on and the words meant nothing, I didn't even keep the note.
Answer = No Contact in this situation worked... I could have had her back and all these years later we have never seen each other and have never talked although I hear to this day that she still asks about me when speaking with old and previously mutual school friends.
Current Case - (Long Distance Love)
Now... my latest relationship failed mainly because it was long distance but the love we had was a true one too, the relationship didn't last as long as the above case and this is therefore a concern for me... we hit a bad patch and after a week or so she rebounded into the arms of a guy that she had originally turned down in favour of me when we first met. I remember her and me talking.. tearfully on the phone just before things happened between them... he was also needy as he had just come out of a long relationship he had then tried to salvage when rejected by my ex when choosing me.
So for the first few weeks - they were each others shoulders to cry on... nothing happended and me and my ex started speaking again and we were going to meet. Then... something happened between them and we didn't speak for a few weeks although I tried to be a gentlemen about the situation. It is a 100% double rebound but it has developed into more and I know they like each other a lot... I'm not sure you can still class it as a rebound anymore and they have been together for say 7 weeks now and he even stays over and therefore it's serious between them, although she has certainly rushed things...
I treated my ex so well, we had little arguments as all couples do but I looked after her and supported her financially and took her out for meals, shopping, opera, theme parks - we did a lot with the time we had together. I know she considers me to be a lovely bloke and holds me in high regard as her best ex boyfriend if you like. We had arranged to meet and we had talked about getting back together before things happened with the rebound guy. I know 100% that she doesn't want to lose me from her life... we both agreed on the phone the last time we spoke that we have a special connection with each other - we actualy first said this on the second day we met... it is so sad that this has worked out this way.
The problem is we agreed to be friends the last time we spoke but in the same conversation she was trying to make me jealous... she was a little spiteful - bringing his name up etc...there was certainly no consideration for my feelings and it hurt and I don't know how she can be like that to me given she was the one who ended it after a little bad patch - why hurt me more?
We still connected 100% and laughed and joked and you could feel the feelings were still there between us both. However, I didn't time it the best... her new bloke was there and had tried to grab the phone from her hand, she then called me back when he was gone and explained... apparently he was insecure about me and accused her of wanting to go back to me which of course she denied. I haven't heard from her since which means the friends thing that she seemed so eager to accept on the phone was either BS to just keep me where she wants me as some future backup or he has forced her to go back on what she said to me.... I just don't know. I was a tiny bit needy at the start... a little on the phone too last time we spoke but I have been maybe too nice? A gentleman in matters... but maybe too nice?
Answer = to be discovered... :-(
These internet guides... state that 'no contact' is my best chance of getting her back. Apparently she will miss me more and think about me more the longer she does not hear from me.... my ex and me were having what is known as 'Limited Contact' which doesn't work in our situation... these guides also try to fill you with confidence that she will call and that you have to be ready when she does and act cool... apparently it forces her to realise your value and what she lost and threw away.
I just don't know... I know how to fix the long distance problem and I am prepared to move near and change jobs in the process, we are sooo well matched on everything but distance - we have always said this from the start and it's such a shame but I cannot tell her I have made enquires about moving etc - I just did this on the off chance something changes, I want to be prepared if we can start again.
So given all the above... do you think these guides give good advice and do you believe that the 'No Contact' approach really does work? I don't think I have been tough enough with her.... I have never said it is me or him at any point and I feel if I had in the early days then things would now be different...
I don't want to give up just yet on her.... I know I might have to move on soon but I did before and she (first love) then came back when all my feelings (well most of) were gone. So will it be the same again and the chance is gone for the future or do I keep holding out..
