what should i do? i'm confused...

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02-11-04, 11:34 AM
MonkeyMan

what should i do? i'm confused...

Hey all, i am new here, just needed somewhere to talk and ask for advice...
I have been in a relationship for 3 years, it has been the best time of my life, we have shared so many good memories and we grew sooo close. except that about 8 months ago we were going through a rough patch and she cheated on me...I saw it coming but no matter how much i did to try and stop it from happening, it still happened. She didn't tell me and i had to figure it out myself, it took some time but i forgave her, we had been through a bad patch, most of it was my fault and well lets just say i was in love. It was one of the hardest things that i have ever had to deal with... Than about 4 months ago I moved out to go to Uni and i moved into a house with 2 friends (male) from school and my g/f, everything started off fine but then over time she started to drift away, she can be very dependant at times and i had alot of things going on at the time with work, uni and family, that i didn't have alot of time for her, i thought that we had a strong enough relationship and that it would be ok unitl i finished my stuff, but one o the other house mates didn't have a job and didn't go to uni so he just bummed around the house all day and then he and my g/f were getting closer, i kept telling her not to go there and then i found out 2 days ago that they had kissed before, not once but 3 times and it had been going on for over a month, and recently i have been really depressed about our relationship and i have been feeling really bad because i thought i was a bad person for not trusting her becuase she kept telling me that i was being jealous and stupid, when in reality i was dead on.

Thats the story, now the dilemma...

I still love her, i cannot ever get angry at her because i love her soo much, she always asks why i do not yell at her, and i dont because i dont want to, she wants to try again for our relationship because she thinks it can work, i will be able to in time forgive her but it will definatly take time, the problem is that she still wants to be best friends with the person that she cheated on me with, and he lives in the same house as me...how can i trust her? i try but sometimes my mind just runs away, i am considering seeing a relationship counsellor.
should i let them continue being best friends? if i dont she will think that i am controlling her, and if i do i will be forever paranoid....
Life is a biatch...
02-11-04, 11:50 AM
Darkace

oh u have it right on dot life is a biatch i really dont know what to tell u as far as letting your girl be friends with the guy who she cheated on im not so smart in the relationship stuff but my best bet is that u should spend more time with her and give her no reason to cheat because u give her the love that she craves and if your over paranoid then set up spy cameras all around the house but i would only do that if your OVER paranoid and make her feel guilty enough to not do it agian just say if your really love me then prove to me that u can keep from cheating on me agian or else i dont know what to do for our relationship thats just my little piece of advise but im not so sure how good it is because ive bearly reached the iceing on cake
02-11-04, 02:33 PM
cbee

I don't know, if this was me I'd probably not try again.

She's cheated on you not once but twice, I think that tells you how committed she is to the relationship. You need someone who will treat you fairly and she's not and really not if she wants to remain friends with the guy (you're the wronged person here if she had problems with you not paying enough attention to her she should have said something). ALso you'll have to learn to trust her again and isn't all she's going to learn from this is she can run off and get it with someone else and then come back to safe old you and you'll always take her back.

She is taking advantage BIG TIME. I'm not saying it's the easiest route but I wouldn't even try to stay with her, you're young right (only at uni) there's plenty of time to find someone who will play fair with you.
03-11-04, 08:08 AM
Arshuah

I agree

Quote:

Originally Posted by cbee

I don't know, if this was me I'd probably not try again.

She's cheated on you not once but twice, I think that tells you how committed she is to the relationship. You need someone who will treat you fairly and she's not and really not if she wants to remain friends with the guy (you're the wronged person here if she had problems with you not paying enough attention to her she should have said something). ALso you'll have to learn to trust her again and isn't all she's going to learn from this is she can run off and get it with someone else and then come back to safe old you and you'll always take her back.

She is taking advantage BIG TIME. I'm not saying it's the easiest route but I wouldn't even try to stay with her, you're young right (only at uni) there's plenty of time to find someone who will play fair with you.

Couldn't have said it better myself....I feel the same way you do, MonkeyMan...Thank God, I think my girlfriend would never cheat on me, and if she did, I honestly wouldn't know what to think...You love the person so much, but at the same time you just need to let go....even if it seems impossible. Listen to cbee's advice, cause he's 110% right.