Should I tell her how I feel even though she is taken?

I am a 25 year old male and have know this girl I like for 3 years. We met at work but she eventually moved on from the job. Initially I didn't really find myself being attracted to her. But over the years I have gradually become attracted to her. When i first started developing feelings for her I wasnt 100% sure if I actually liked her. All i knew was that I had these feelings and I linked them with her. I have never felt like that before. Usually I would see a girl who I am attracted to and have some feelings that i knew where because of that girl but this time was different. Because I wasnt sure whether I truly liked this girl I was able to move on and get rid of these feelings for her, dismissing them as just a crush. She had to go away for a while so that helped me to move on also.
When she came back I was pleased that i had no feelings for her and assumed that I had successfully moved on. A couple of weeks went by and I started to develop these feelings again. This time they were stonger and I actually did find myself being attracted to this girl. I started to become very flirty towards her and showing I liked her in my body language and the banter we had.
This girl has asked me if I like her because she's noticed how Ive been acting around her. I didn't tell her because I wasnt sure why she was asking. But she only said that when she was drunk. She does have a boyfriend. But she does flirt with me back and can get very sexual on occasions.
I dont know what love is but I think I may feel that way for her. Whatever I feel is very strong. She makes me happy and I like being around her. It pains me to think that I cannot be with her.
I have thought about telling her how I feel towards in the past but I dont know if its the right thing to do. Any help would be much appreciated.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by arrowheart [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I am a 25 year old male and have know this girl I like for 3 years. We met at work but she eventually moved on from the job. Initially I didn't really find myself being attracted to her. But over the years I have gradually become attracted to her. When i first started developing feelings for her I wasnt 100% sure if I actually liked her. All i knew was that I had these feelings and I linked them with her. I have never felt like that before. Usually I would see a girl who I am attracted to and have some feelings that i knew where because of that girl but this time was different. Because I wasnt sure whether I truly liked this girl I was able to move on and get rid of these feelings for her, dismissing them as just a crush. She had to go away for a while so that helped me to move on also.

When she came back I was pleased that i had no feelings for her and assumed that I had successfully moved on. A couple of weeks went by and I started to develop these feelings again. This time they were stonger and I actually did find myself being attracted to this girl. I started to become very flirty towards her and showing I liked her in my body language and the banter we had.

---

Was in a very similar situation. Met a friend of a friend and didn't think much of it. Months later started to have feelings for her, became good friends, then had a falling out. We didn't speak for months, I left the country, and while I was gone we started talking again (no feels at all). Within a week or two of me being home and spending time with her I realized I was properly mad for her! After a few months I finally told her. She didn't feel the same way. I felt awful for a few weeks but still spoke often. I left the country again and we both spoke often. Again, no emotions. When I came back, it was the usual: after a few weeks I was mad for her once more. She was single and I thought she might be into me. I misread all the signs. I told her how I felt and she said we could only ever be friends. So that's how I've left it for a year. The feelings are gone and now we're besties, like brother and sister. I don't think I could ever see her in a sexual way now.

Your situation's tricky because she's dating someone. I think it's imprudent for you to say anything to her unless she's unhappy with her relationship or has been hiding feelings for you. Otherwise, you're simply being selfish as by revealing your feelings you put her in a difficult spot. Don't force her to choose between you and her boyfriend because you may not win and regardless of the outcome, it'll not be a pleasant decision for her to make.

If you really care about her and the feelings are genuine, wait. Maybe they'll pass. In which case, I should think it would've happened eventually. The only danger is that by being her friend she's going to forever think of you as a friend. So even after she splits up with this chap, she'll confide in you and want you to comfort her, but as a friend. It's properly difficult to make the jump from friend to lover.

To be honest i wouldn't say we are close friends. The only time i saw her was in work. We've never hung around together so we were only ever work colleagues. Now that she no longer works in the same company i hardly ever see or speak to her. So i would use the term friend very loosely about us. I'm unsure if she has hidden feelings for me. When we have been out clubbing she craves my attention for the majority of the night and says things which i would class as an indicator of interest.

Ah, I'd misunderstood that from your post.

Well, if you tell her and she doesn't reciprocate, you'll be hurt but it's not going to ruin you is it? She may never want to speak to you again but it doesn't seem like that really makes much of a difference, does it?

I still think it's selfish of you to tell her if she's serious about her boyfriend, but maybe you think it's worth a punt? All or nothing?

I'm inclined to say she's not that into you. Perhaps it would be weird having you confess your feelings out of essentially no-where? How well do you really know her? She may be creeped out by a confession if she feels you don't know her at all.

Well i would say i know her well as we have worked together for 3 years. I think she does love her boyfriend even though she complains about him sometime. Its just that if you were that into someone why would you want to know if someone else liked you. If i didn't know her i would swear she was single from the way she acted around me when she was drunk. Maybe she just craves attention from me because her boyfriend doesn't fulfill her. Does this means she likes me???. Only she knows that.