Live-in boyfriend of a year and 1/2 is confused... how long do I wait?
Could really use some advice...
I"m 31, he is almost 29, we've been living together for around 7 months, been together for almost a year and a 1/2. I also have 4 yr old son who is with us 50% of the time. Looking back, I think we moved in together prematurely, and probably did it for the wrong reasons (financial reasons, convenience, etc). But that being said, it is what it is and it's not like we can go back.
For the most part things have been good. We share a common love and passion for dancing and even compete together. Also the sex and intimacy is amazing! I love his family, and he gets along good with mine. He is great with my son too. And we are always really kind to each other, we never get into screaming matches or anything like that.
But for the last 3+ months we both have been unhappy. We even went to a psychologist for several months. What we've been learning is we do have a lot of differences. Some of them are:
-completely different work ethics (he would rather work ALL the time, including weekends, and feels stressed out to go on vacation), and I put family first and value balance in life
-differently intellectual/education backgrounds - he just has his Grade 12 and is in the trades (although he is EXTREMELY talented at what he does), he also has a learning disability, I have a bachelor's degree and have always had "white collar" jobs
-this is his first "real" committed relationship, I was married for 6 1/2 years (ended 2+ yrs ago)
-besides dancing, we don't have a lot of common interests. Ie. I like leisurely dinners, walks, etc. He has trouble relaxing if it's not watching tv or a movie
-very different ideas on discipline (with my son), he is more strict and expects my son to behave almost perfect
That all being said we kind of had a breaking point a month ago, it ended with him saying he was done and wanted to break up. I said I wasn't ready to give him and didn't want him to make an rash decisions. Since then we have been going on as normal including having sex (seriously neither of us have any control). But this whole time he keeps saying he is confused.
It has finally gotten to the point where I can't take it anymore, I need some kind of closure either way. On the one hand, I keep thinking "why do I want to be with someone so bad who can't decide if they want to be with me?" and on the other hand I want to be supportive and give him time and space. Because I know he loves me (he tells me everyday), I also know he has never been in this situation before and is not experienced with relationships. Also he has some issues to resolve (trust and commitment ones). I know there is so much GOOD stuff with us, it just a matter of compromising and meeting half way on our differences (which I am willing to do).
So it has been a month and honestly I can't wait much longer. He knows this but still can't give me a definite answer. He has also been to the psychologist on his own recently and she told him to just relax for a few days and NOT think about it. Good advice but it's driving me crazy!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! Thank you!
