was doing somewhat ok, but now have a lot on my mind....still love...

what to do about all of this????....completely mind-screwed at the moment?
well, it has been about 72 hours since I last smoked a cigarette, and today has been the worst day thus far....I have been depressed and thinking about a lot =( I quit smoking to make sure I keep this weight on long enough to get through meps for the army this week.

well, the reason I am here is because I need advice on what to do with this situation....well, there is a lot more to the story then what I am about to type, but I have posted the story on here before, so I figured I would just make this quick....

At the beginning of June, I found out that my gf/fiance of 2 1/2 years had cheated on me numerous times with this other guy a week or more before I found out. Well needless to say I was devastated, because I never saw it coming, and treated her great, cooked for her, gave her full body messages, breakfast in bed, etc... Well, after the fact, I wanted to make things work, and I thought she did.....well while we were still together, she kept talking to this guy, he kept calling, and I found her car at his place. I ended up cutting contact with her about a month or so ago for a few weeks because I was taking it really hard.....

Well, she was under the impression that I was seeing someone else because of how I was not wanting to speak to her or anything, which I told her why I was cutting contact, and I also had prior knowledge that she was hanging out with the guy she cheated on me with still, after she had told me that she wanted some time to just be single for a while and find herself, and that she hoped for things to be different for her and I......which she then accepted my fb friend request, but then deleted me back off after she started posting pictures of her and that guy.....

Well, long story short, a few weeks ago we started talking again here and there as friends, mainly through text, then we saw each other at this festival that she wanted to meet me and our mutual friends at. Well, this last weekend, she called me around 11pm and started venting to me about how this guy is an ******, and how he is overly jealous of her guy friends, and how he even invites girls to hang out that he's slept with etc..., and something about them getting in an argument and how she was done with his bullcrap. I told her to leave him alone and that she can do better than him and what not etc, then we exchanged "love you's" then we spoke briefly one more time that night for about 5 minutes. Which I think she still ended up going back to him for some reason.....I'm almost 24, she's 20, and this guy is almost 27......

well needless to say I never heard anything from her the rest of last weekend, then monday she texted about her debt card coming in mail, then we spoke for a brief couple of minutes on the phone. and thats been it thus far....I'm just stuck wondering what to think of everything????? Why is she venting to me, then not even contacting me for like a week straight as if she only contacts me when she wants or needs something????? Is she waiting to see if I will contact her? should I even contact her, even just to say hello or ask how her week or day has been????? I'm just stuck in a complete mindscrew right now..... There is a lot more to the story, but for the most part this just about sums it up pretty good....

She's using you for emotional support after she's been a total b*tch to you. The real question is why are you talking to her and letting her use you this way.

I wish I could answer that but I can't. I still love her and miss her. She called me today and left a voicemail asking about the car insurance, which is actually my moms policy not mine. Then she tried to call again, but I was on phone with my recruiter. Well I ended up jumping on facebook, to check the profile I had made for my cat, or well the cat I got her but I considered ours, and my ex under the cats friends list. Well like an idiot I went to her page and it said in a relationship with the guy she cheated on me with, which she has pics on there with him I saw almost a month ago, but her profile pic was different. Well after I saw that, I called her back and she started asking me about the car stuff, and she asked me what was wrong and I told her that she only called me when she needed something, and she pulled the whole "well I won't call anymore, I'm sorry I've been busy" stuff. Then I told her that I couldn't deal with her venting to me anymore about the other guy, and she said "ok, well I thought you didn't have a problem with that now," and I told her that in all honesty, it still did bother me, and that I still thought about her. Then we got off the phone and I texted her and told her that not a day went by that I didn't miss her and that I loved her and hoped she was happy and that I hoped her day went great. She never responded, then she called back to tell me about her new ringtone real quick, and to tell me that she still couldn't find my diploma. It does still bother me, I mean we were together for a little over 2 1/2 years, and how she can just got off like that and mask her feelings I don't know. Maybe it was a mistake for me to express some of my feelings to her today, but that's just how I am. I mean everybody has told me not to express those feelings to her and I've went that route for like this past month almost, and it hasn't really done much difference besides her running to the guy she cheated on me with.... I haven't had a cigarette in almost 4 days now, well had 1/4 of one earlier but I really want one right now..... :(