Do I still have a chance??

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29-09-10, 12:02 AM
rosegarden

Do I still have a chance??

Okay so my boyfriend and I of a year and a half broke up officially 2 months ago. The first year of our relationship seemed almost perfect. But by the end we were fighting so much that he chose to break up with me. I was getting jealous that he was spending a lot more time at work because of his recent job promotion. I understand now that I was being too clingy and always wanted him around.

He said he would really like the relationship to work, but he was at the ends of his rope and breaking up was the only way to see if the relationship could work again. He asked for space, and I tried to give it to him. But being desperate I would call him, text him, still talk to him at work and at times drive around to his friend's house to see if he was there.

Clearly I haven't been giving him his space. I got caught about 4-5 times driving at his friend's neighborhood. 3 of those times being this past weekend. I realize now that it's not going to get him back.

I wrote him a letter 2 nights ago, (he just read it yesterday) explaining how sorry I am and that I really need to work harder at accepting this break up and giving him space. I haven't heard from him yet (I don't expect to) and I have stopped driving around to his friend's house to see if he's there.

Even though I may have broken his trust completely this past weekend by getting caught trying to find him, if I stop it all and give him his space, what do you guys think is the likelihood of us getting back together? Remember, he did say that he really wanted to try to make the relationship work...

Thanks for taking the time to read my story and appreciate all the advice you all can offer.
29-09-10, 12:13 AM
vashti

People don't generally take a "break" to see if things can work out. They take a "break" to see how well they can tolerate being away from you.
29-09-10, 12:20 AM
rosegarden

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

People don't generally take a "break" to see if things can work out. They take a "break" to see how well they can tolerate being away from you.

But he emphasized that the break should be so that I can focus on me and not be so clingy because he does have a new position at work. So that we can learn how to have space from each other... I just hope I didn't screw it up completely and that there is still a chance that we can get back together.
29-09-10, 01:24 AM
ammi00

Who knows what can happen? So probably, there still is some chance between you two. But from my point of view, you completely scared this guy. You were stalking him, and exaggerating things. Imagine how he felt, with you spying on him, following him, desperately calling him... I don't want to offend you, but I believe you have some sort of problems and insecurities you should solve, before trying to get back with him, or get into any other relationship.
29-09-10, 01:37 AM
rosegarden

Quote:

Originally Posted by ammi00 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Who knows what can happen? So probably, there still is some chance between you two. But from my point of view, you completely scared this guy. You were stalking him, and exaggerating things. Imagine how he felt, with you spying on him, following him, desperately calling him... I don't want to offend you, but I believe you have some sort of problems and insecurities you should solve, before trying to get back with him, or get into any other relationship.

yes I do have insecurities and that is what I am trying to work on at the moment. If I do show that I am working on these problems, will he still give me another chance?
29-09-10, 01:49 AM
ammi00

Well, the fact that you realize you have some insecurities, is a good step ahead. But put yourself first. You're not solving these problems so he can give you another chance - you have to solve them for yourself, so you can live in peace and stop getting worried and insecure when it's not the case. Stop showing him that you're desperate (and that you'd do anything to get him back) - this isn't good for either of you, because most probably he'll get even more scared, this will fuel your insecurities and then everything between you will be lost.
Is it possible for you to get some professional help?
29-09-10, 07:16 AM
rosegarden

I've thought about getting professional help, but unfortunately, being a college student, there aren't any funds for it at the moment. Which is why I'm trying to get advice from people around here.

I know I need to let go of the need to be with him, but I really just hope there's still a chance for us in the future.
29-09-10, 07:40 AM
WICKED THOUGHTS

Theres no tmrw if you dwell in what if? today. You know u have issues and i know its not easy for u to let go and make a change for a better you. Hope he sees d new you b4 its 2 late. gluck
29-09-10, 09:24 AM
ginastar

yes there is still a chance for you guys in the future, but move on for now. think about the old saying, if you love someone let them go and if they come back they are yours. you wont get him back by stalking...how did you get caught anyway?
as hard as it may be you have to stop calling, texting, and mostly stalking. BUt I dont think you have mental problems, most people on this forum will tell you they also panic d at first when being rejected. But after a little people realize it doesnt work to panic and become more clingly cause it pushes people further away. Wait it out and be calm and let him call or text you next!!!! and in the mean time you may meet someone better for you !
29-09-10, 10:11 AM
rosegarden

Quote:

Originally Posted by ginastar [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

yes there is still a chance for you guys in the future, but move on for now. think about the old saying, if you love someone let them go and if they come back they are yours. you wont get him back by stalking...how did you get caught anyway?
as hard as it may be you have to stop calling, texting, and mostly stalking. BUt I dont think you have mental problems, most people on this forum will tell you they also panic d at first when being rejected. But after a little people realize it doesnt work to panic and become more clingly cause it pushes people further away. Wait it out and be calm and let him call or text you next!!!! and in the mean time you may meet someone better for you !

Thank you so much your advice. And I got caught 4 times, once his friend saw me driving and he told my ex, the second, he was in the car leaving with his brother out of the neighborhood, (after this we ended on good terms and he said he still wanted to work things out) third was a day after our conversation, he was in a friends car and we were turning on the same road and fourth I was driving on the main road and his car pulls up behjind mine, but I sped off (it was night time so idk if he realized it was me). The last 2 I haven't heard from him since, but I wrote him a letter and left it in his mailbox about how I know I broke the promises of not having contact with him and how I'm going to really try to give him space. So idk...