How to get over this mental "hurdle"?
I know I often post here, complaining about how I've never been in a relationship, can't catch a girl's attention, etc., but after doing some deep thinking, I think I've uncovered a nasty little "hurdle" that's probably holding me back quite a bit, and I'm not sure how to overcome it, per se.
I hate to make this next bit sound like some kind of sob story, but I don't know how to word it any better. See, I'm not as "thick-skinned" as a lot of other guys are; I can't help but take things too heart, and be a bit more sensitive about stuff. And growing up (especially back a few years ago, when I was still in high school), I think I've sort of been "trained", by the girls that have drifted in and out of my life, to stay away from them. I've had girls make me feel offended just because I might've glanced in their general direction. One time, a "friend" (and I use that term very loosely) asked some girl that I didn't even know if she'd go out with me, and she literally laughed in my face.
I... don't really get it, either. I mean, I know I'm far from "good-looking" (by nature, not because I don't "try" hard enough), but I try to make myself as presentable as I possibly can at all times. I try to be as polite and sincere as I can. I may be a bit on the quiet, reserved side, quite often, but I don't feel I do so in a negative way, that would offend anyone or otherwise turn people away. So I can't help but wonder what it is I'm doing wrong.
That's a whole other issue, though. The "problem" I realized I'm plagued with is that I almost never really find myself attracted to any girls I'd meet, so I, of course, never pursue anything with them, and at best, they might become a mutual friend. That's been bugging me, but I think I understand why, now. I think I've sort of fallen into the assumption that girls just aren't going to like me (in a "more than friends" way), no matter what I do, so I don't even think to look at them in that way, or try for something more, because in my mind, "what's the point?". Hell, I'm often so afraid of turning them away, that I try not to look at girls too much (so as to not appear to be "checking them out"), and I try to be very selective with what I say, making sure I don't say anything that could be misconstrued as "flirtatious". Not that I act cold or "nervous" around girls, usually more "indifferent", I'd say. Actually, as "unmasculine" as this may sound, I think I generally feel more comfortable around girls than other guys.
Anyway, I basically had a similar issue with just making friends in general. Also when I was growing up, I seemed to always fall into crowds that would usually end up berating me, humiliating me, cutting me down, and overall, making me miserable. So I often stop myself from getting too close to people, because in my mind, I can't help but think "They're probably just going to end up hating you and cutting you down"). The only thing that really helps that along is, well, time. The people I'd call my "friends", at the moment, have been in my lives for 1-2 years, and I've slowly become a bit more comfortable around them over that time period. I can sort of "loosen up" around them a bit more.
Unfortunately, that's not a practice that really works with trying to get a date. Realistically, it's not exactly feasible to expect to be able to get to spend that kind of time time with a girl, and become more comfortable around her, and THEN start dating her (although, my "ideal relationship" is one that starts off as a friendship and grows into something more over time).
So... How, exactly, am I supposed to get over this "hurdle" I have? How do I stop myself from assuming no girl I meet would be interested in anything more than friendship? How do I stop feeling frustration over what it is I'm "doing wrong" in attracting girls? How do I allow myself to become more comfortable around a person much more quickly than I do now?
