make a move or just back off??
hello, all. I'm in a bit of a bind, and advice would be wonderful. About 3 months ago, I started a new job. A few weeks into, I began to talk a lot with a cowrker, but it was mostly just the 2 of us making fun of everyone else. As time went by, I started noticing myself feeling bummed when he wasn't sitting in the next cubicle and noticed myself staring at him a bit.
we've gone out for drinks a few times with other coworkers, but everytime, we end up alone together at the end of the night. The most recent time, he asked to come home with me and we ended up falling asleep together on my couch. Everytime we spend time together, I feel like we make a little progress toward being together, but neither of us has admitted any feelings for the other... Only that we care about and appreciate and would do anything for each other. Afyer a few drinks, he always starts to say something, then cuts himself off and quickly changes the subject.
I know that he has feelings for me, and I clearly have feelings for him, but since the last time we hung out, when he came home with me, he's been pushing me away. He refuses to spend time with me, he rarely talks to me, and he just seems very distant. But I still catch him looking at me at work, and he still talks to his friends about me, and still shows that he cares about me, as long as I'm not around.
the problem is that he recently had his heart broken by the first girl he ever loved, and he's not over her. She's a junkie and a liar, and he knows that he's better off without her, but he just can't move on. I was upset at work last week, and he expressed his concern to a friend of mine. He told her that he likes me, but he doesn't want to get close to anyone because he's afraid of getting hurt again. He also told her he knows he shouldn't be with his ex, but if she got clean, he'd take her back in a heartbeat.
we've had conversations about his ex before, and I truly understand what he's going through. I get why he's pushing me away, and I know that he needs time to heal. However, my feelings for him are very strong, and I know he has feelings for me, too. We are good for each other, and he knows that, which is one of the reasons he's pulling away. The problem is that he's pulling so far back, that it feels like our friendship is being affected. Before the night he came home with me, our relationship was natural and comfortable. Now we both feel awkward and strange. We've never done anything more physical than hug, so I don't see why it has to be so awkward.
I want to be there for him, but I'm afraid to push too hard because I'm afraid we'll lose the friendship. Ideally, I do want to be with him. But I know he's not ready for that. I feel like we need to talk and get our feelings out in the open, even if we don't act on them, but I'm not sure whether I should just go for it, or if I should back off and let him push me away. Any advice??
