Wife is no longer interested in intimacy
I'm having trouble coping with my wife's lack of interest in being intimate with me and I'd like to hear what other people have to say.
My wife and I have been together for over 10 years, and we've had a great relationship until recently. We had children a few years ago, and over the past year or so, her SD has completely evaporated. She used to be the one with subscription to a porn site, and we had a wonderful sex life, but now she has seemingly lost all interest - not just in me but everything, she stopped masturbating, no longer watches sexy movies - nothing.
Just to provide some context: She is not a golf-window or anything like that. I'm home at 5:30 everyday and I do way more than most suburban dads do. I pitch in and perform at least 50% of all the work around the house including taking the kids to school, taking them out to play, etc. I even take them out on my own every Sunday morning to give her some free time.
I'm also not doing anything that impacts our relationship negatively - I don't chat with girls online or have buddies I go out with to Hooters. I don't smoke or spend money on stupid stuff and i'm not overweight or anything else that might decrease her sexual desires. The same goes for her - she has not gained a lot of weight or had any life changes that would make her feel bad about herself.
So, where are we at? Well, we've talked about this issue a couple of times recently. I would never go online and ask for advice without at least talking to her first, right? :) Although she was bothered by me being unhappy and she picked up the slack for a little while, she's back to being parked on the couch playing Farmville every night and not asking if I want to be intimate anymore. When we talked she said she doesn't want to leave or anything like that - in fact, she was actually rather upset that I even said we had a problem, so i don't think it's like the end of our relationship or anything so drastic.
If I flat-out ask to be intimate, shes willing to, but even then this just entails her basically laying on the bed while I masturbate, which is not even 10% of what we used to do. If I do not ask, nothing will happen for a long time, and even then I'm not convinced of the sincerity behind it - she may be in the mode of "I'd better do something before we have another talk".
I love my wife dearly and I want to make this work. We should be both be happy. We've got to do something though - it's humiliating to be undesired and only be approached for intimacy merely to avoid another 'talk'.
Has anyone else been through something similar? Can I expect things to improve over time? Should we go to counseling?
Thanks!
