Was it cheating? He says yes, I say no. Who's right?
So I met the BF in Feb 09 at work. We started dating. He said he wasn't seeing anyone else. Six weeks later, I get a call from another woman who says it's his girlfriend. I confront him, she confronts him. He defends himself saying she's not his girlfriend, and he basically met her about the same time he met me. So I forgive him, tell him I still want to keep seeing him, and ask him please to just be honest with me from now on. I give him a second chance. Time goes on, he keeps seeing both of us, it keeps getting more and more serious with both of us. He lived in a town about 40 miles south of where I lived and worked. He's unable to decide between the two of us. She moves in with him and doesn't know about me, but I know about her. At this point, I'm really distraught. I've gotten myself caught in a situation where I'm the other woman and I don't like it. We go back and forth all summer, we're together, we're not together, we're talking, we're not talking, multiple angry calls between me and the live-in girlfriend. I'm totally in love with him, I tell him I'll wait for him, he tells me we'll be together when she's gone, the whole cliche deal. Depression sets in. In August of 2009, I had a one-night stand with a friend's ex. November of 2009, BF and the live-in breakup. I finally get him all to myself. I move in with him in March 2010. August 2010, he finds out about what happens in August of 2009 with the friend's ex and goes off the deep end. I've been arguing with him about for the last two months and I'm about to lose my mind.
Disclaimer: Yes, I know that I never should have let myself get involved in such a messed-up relationship situation to begin with. But I did, and I can't change that, because it's in the past. But we managed to make it through a really crazy beginning and have had a mostly normal, non-dramatic life for the last year without any major issues until this ugly thing from last August came out.
His stance: When you say you're in love with someone and profess your undying love repeteadly, and basically say outright that you'll wait, and then you go and have sex with some random guy, and your friend's ex-boyfriend no less, it's cheating and he has every right to be angry and hurt and call me a slut and a whore. He never promised commitment back then and I did. What happened between him and the other girl is completely different because I knew what was going on and had a choice in the matter, but I kept it secret for a year and he didn't have the same informed choice that I did.
My stance: He's a fracking hypocrite. He has no right to get angry at me for a one-night stand when he had another girlfriend for most of last year. I was depressed and angry at him and what I did was wrong, but not any worse than what he did. He should admit we both did wrong things, call it even, wipe the slate clean, and let it go. We've had over a year of making a life together since then without any major issues. Besides, it's kind of unfair to call your former "other woman" a slut for sleeping with someone else while you were with your girlfriend.
Besides the obvious, that we are both pretty messed-up people, and it's amazing that we managed to have a normal life for the last year....what do you think?
