Is sexual texting cheating??

Hi Everyone

Found out yesterday that my partner has been texting another woman and have arranged to meet up in a hotel after their christmas party in december. They had a thing going many years ago but bumped into each other 3 weeks ago by chance but swapped numbers and have been texting regularly. He has been acting differently lately, with his phone going off at all times and when he left it behind to go to work, I went thru it (i know, i know!!) and found the messages. I rang her up and she apologised and said that nothing had happened between them, they were just flirting and it was all harmless fun. However, on going thru his phone, i found some pictures of another woman, with all her bits out and also a picture of my partner naked. When I spoke to the second woman, she said that it had started off as a text sent to a wrong number and that she had never met my partner but had exchanged photos and graphic texts. Obviously I confronted my partner when he got in and he admitted it all and said he was sorry, stupid etc and wants me to forget about it and I'm the one he loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with. He said it was just an ego boost, nice for someone else to find him attractive and that he had no intention of going to the christmas party at all - even tho he was the one who suggested it in his text. He is saying that he hasn't done anything physically so he hasn't cheated on me and has always remained faithful and doesn't want me to give up on him and wants me to fight to save our relationship. We have children together and he doesn't want any of them to suffer - which i understand - but should i just put up with his behaviour?? Two years ago, when i was pregnant with my last child, I found out he was texting a woman at my son's football club and at that time, he told me he would never do it again, i meant too much to him etc and yet i find myself in the same situation again. how do i know whether i will be sitting here saying the same thing in another two years?? I do love him, but surely if he loved me as much as he said, he wouldn't have done it. is he just sorry that i found out?? if i hadn't have said anything, would it still be going on? would they really have got together at the firm's party?? I just feel sick and so betrayed. I wanted us to be so happy together and then i find out that he has texted her while he has been in our house and it just makes me feel so stupid. At the moment i don't want him near me but then if i keep pushing him away, is he more likely to start texting again?? he said that he admits that it is all his fault and nothing that i have done or haven't done but that he didn't think he was cheating because it was just flirting on a phone and he hasn't actually touched anyone. am i just making more out of this?? i don't know what to do for the best. is it easy to build the trust back up again? any views/opinions would be great

I would say if they were texting with intent, it's cheating. Don't believe for a second that he had no intention of going to that party, how convenient for him you can't verify this. I mean, he was texting someone your child knows, people that you interact with on some level before, he's done it before he will do it again. I'm not saying break up, I mean you have kids. Just don't kid yourself.

Sounds like he hasn't cheated yet, but it's only a matter of time.

I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I'm kind of on the same boat. Anyhow, If he had promised not to do it before and still doing it now, so he is not at all worthy of your trust. However, you have children with him, so it is not just about you anymore, and you have to consider between staying and pretending to have a happy relationship with him to keep the kids happy until they're old enough to understand or until things get out of hand, or to leave and that will put some pressure on you and your kids emotionally and financially (as he doesn't have to be responsible for child support). But I'm not sure letting the kids grow up in that kind of influence is any good for the boy(s and girl) either. If there were only the two of you (no kids), I would say leave him now.

Good luck!

Ya, its only a matter of time when u and him have a big fight and his gnna turn to one of them texties. But, still id give him d benefit of d doubt. His bored and havin fun, u do know were not angel

Yes, it is cheating and he's been busted at least twice, and still does it? Honey, get a clue.

"my partner has been texting another woman and have arranged to meet up in a hotel after their christmas party in december"
"They had a thing going many years ago"
"going thru his phone, i found some pictures of another woman, with all her bits out and also a picture of my partner naked."

-

"He is saying that he hasn't done anything physically so he hasn't cheated on me and has always remained faithful and doesn't want me to give up on him and wants me to fight to save our relationship. We have children together and he doesn't want any of them to suffer - which i understand - but should i just put up with his behaviour??"

--> In this case, consider it cheating. . . but it sucks you can't do much because of your kid, but tell him that you REALLY won't put up with it. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to your kid.

Sorry, but I laughed at your post and because it's going to take his actual cheating on you for you to WAKE UP to what a LOSER you landed.

You have all this evidence that this man is a FIRST CLASS PRICK who is going to cheat on you and at the first opportunity he gets, yet all he has to do is to turn on the sweet talking and tell you 'You are all I want', blah, blah, blah and everythings ok again.

Lets' face it hon, if you were all he wanted, then he wouldn't go looking for other women and be exchanging dirty pics. He wouldn't be booking hotels with another woman, so he can sleep with her behind your back. Course he's gonna deny it all and that he never intended to go through with it. The fool got caught out, he has to say something to save his sorry ass.

Yeh he has cheated on you and simply because he's conducting these affairs behind your back and in secret. And it's only a matter of time before he either physically cheats on you or has a full blown affair. He's a womansier and womanisers don't change. Get rid of the sad act and find a decent man.

Yes, it's cheating.

Cheating is not black and white.
If you feel he cheated, then he cheated.
If you feel he violated the terms of YOUR specific relationship, then he cheated.

Some people have open relationships, therefore this wouldn't be considered cheating.
But it seems from your story, this wasn't an agreement in your relationship.

I believe it is up to you to continue, or to leave. He probably will do it again. But if you aren't ready to leave him, then you might as well stay until you are completely sure. If you leave him without being sure, you will either end up with him again later (and confuse the hell out of your kids) or spend the rest of your life wondering what if....

i agree with michellelovee

if you are upset then he must be doing something wrong.
dump his ass. dont let your kid grow up with that as an example as a father

Thank you for all your replies. I haven't made any rash decisions yet because of the children but it is just eating me up inside. I just feel sick. yes it is convenient that I can't check up on whether he was going to book the hotel room in december, just his word - but what does that mean any more?? He says that i need to trust him but he has proved that it doesn't mean anything to him. We have 6 children between us, and they all live with us - he has two boys from a previous relationship (which ended when his last partner died of cancer), i had two girls when we met from a previous relationship, and we have since had 2 more girls together - so there are so many people to get tangled up in this if i just walk away. He does work really hard and does a lot of overtime to help provide for us all since I stay at home to look after the children and the house because we didnt want to claim benefits, and I know that things are hard and life can get mundane, but I have never felt the need to stray away, so why did he?? i just feel that I have put so much effort and love into this relationship to make it work and he has just thrown it all away. He is 43 and I am 33 and the woman he was texting was about 47 and quite plump, which makes me feel like a bag of poo if he can find her attractive. Is he just having a mid life crisis or going thru a phase or has he been doing this the whole time we have been together and these are the only ones he has admitted to because i have uncovered them?? One minute i think we can work thru it and then the next I just want to smash his face in and ask him what the hell he was thinking. Its not even like he can say that it is because we are not intimate with each other because we were, but now i find myself wondering if he was thinking of her at times - my mind is just going at 100mph and i keep thinking of other things that then wind me up more.

If it makes you feel any safer for yourself and your children, make sure he becomes legally responsible for your relationship and the children, ie having a court marriage. I know it's just a piece of paper but at least you will be more sure that if he ever ever make the same kind of mistake again, which I wouldn't be surprised, you have more options to choose from.