What should I do with my boyfriend for a year and a half??!?!?!! ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!!!
I AM SO SORRY THIS IS SOOO LONG BUT I NEED OUTSIDE ADVICE!!! PLEASE READ, IT IS WELL WORTH IT!! ITS NOT BORING... TRUST ME.
Ok me and this guy started talking on the computer april 09. we met on a poker site. He was from tennessee and didnt have a job at the time. Hes the same age as me and lived with his parents and brothers. In August he flew here to meet me and stayed with me for a week. We ended up really falling for each other, and he decided to come back in October to stay for good. My parents like him and are ok with him staying here because we were supposed to be looking for a place together. He landed a good job as a plumber and im going to school for teaching but am currently unemployed right now looking for a job. Well, since he's been here he's smoked weed occasionally, then did it more and more, and now its an every day thing. He doesn't get stoned but just takes a couple hits twice a day but isnt really high around me ever. Well he never told me he liked to smoke weed when he lived in tennessee. He told me he didnt want to tell me because he didnt want me not to like him, and he also told me that he never graduated highschool. He got his ged a few years later. But he held all of this from me. He has been working here since last October and hasn't even saved a dime yet for an apt. with me. He always says well I spend all my money on you, and you dont even have a job. But me not having a job is no excuse for him not to save money so we can get our own place together. If I had a job and he didnt I still would save money. He spends like 30$ a week on weed, so much money on food, and stupid little games like nintendo DS and just buys nonsense things when he could be putting money away for a place. Instead, he says I dont have a job and he spends so much on me, but that is not an excuse!! I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel he just moved here cuz he didnt have a job there or a girlfriend and I'm from Long Island, NY so theres more opportunities here..Idk....Is he using me?? Does he even really like me? HELP and state your opinion on this please!! him and my cousin are good friends, and my cousin just got married and im good friends with his wife. but every single weekend he alwayz wants to hang out with them like friday nights, saturday nights, and even sunday nights. we even go over there during the week like once or twice and hang out. i know he doesnt have any other friends up here, but its gets kind of annoying and boring always hanging out with them two all of the time.. i love hanging out with them and seeing them, but we always go there and do the same thing over and over and it gets kind of old. i dont mind going there one night or hanging out with them one night on the weekends and one during the week, but 24/7 just gets annoying. if i say i dont feel like going there when he asks me, he says, fine, you stay home and ill go there... i think thats messed up. i say to him, well how about we watch a movie together tonite and get some dinner and bring it back home.. then he says, i dont feel like sitting in the bedroom watching a movie because within an hour im going to fall asleep if im laying in the bed (he works long hours)..... and it bothers me when we hang out with them sometimes, because i feel like he ignores me when were there together. he wont sit near me or anything. he will go on the computer or play video games with my cousin. i told him i felt like we werent even hanging out together when we are there, and he said, "we are in the same room as each other, we are all hanging out." but all because we are in the same room as each other, doesnt mean we are interacting and hanging out.. idk if im being too clingy or what? The other night he told me he wants to move forward and progress in life, and he doesn't know if he wants to get a place with me and be with me since I am still looking for a job and sometimes we fight a lot. I said to him, well that sounds like you basically don't want to be with me. He called my cousin, which he is very good friends with b/c they work together. He picked him up and he spent the night there Thursday & Friday. He didn't talk to me all night Thursday when he left, and all day Friday and night. He left his myverizon account on my lap top on with the password saved. I looked on his recent calls and saw this number on there saying he talked to them for 40 minutes Thursday night. I called, and found out it was a girl that he met a few days ago on a job site that he was working at and he asked for her number. So he basically left Thursday, without basically saying anything like "yes we are done." I called him and asked about that girl and he said "I told you Michelle, we are done." But still, he got her number a few days BEFORE we got into this argument Thursday night, and then write when that happens he calls her??? My cousin and his wife who I am very good friends with is letting him stay there for a week until he finds his own place. He's been talking to this new girl every single day. My cousin told me they didn't hook up or hang out. I hang out with my cousin and his wife a lot, and he thinks it's weird if I go there and hang out because he's there. I told him, just because we broke up doesn't mean that I can't hang out with my family. He told me on the computer that he didn't want to hurt me, and he didn't know how to tell me how he was feeling. He said the past few weeks he has been going back and forth with feelings towards me, but he still wants to be my friend and in his life forever, but then he doesnt talk to me at all. He says that he needs space and I have yet to give him any. I haven't been talking to him at all..I went to my cousins house the other night to hang out with him and his wife like I always do. He's been there for 4 days already. He said he's not happy either and this isn't easy for him. I don't know if he's forcing himself not to talk to me and really wants to, or he doesn't miss me because he's talking to this girl now. Maybe he's testing himself to see if he misses me by talking to her. He told me don't call and harrass this girl because she did nothing wrong and its nothing serious with her yet... So I asked him, it sounds like you want to eventually be in a relationship with this girl.. He said, no, I don't even know her..I talked to her once, I know you, not her. I just don't know what to do. I can hardly eat, sleep, and I miss him so much. How can someone just get up and walk out of your life and stop talking to you so easily... It's like he doesn't even care. He wants to stay in NY and not move back to TN because he said he's good friends with my cousin, works with him, and has a good job here. He said he wants to find his own place in the same town. He doesn't even have a car, so even if he wanted to hang out with this girl it would be hard for him. He told me the other day on the computer to give him a week and we will talk. Well, my cousin's wife asked him yesterday if he thinks he will ever work it out with me. He said, he was going to talk to me soon. She said about what, and he said he didn't know what he was going to talk to me about. Can someone please help me? All I do is cry...I don't even want to hang out with other guys.... He is always on my mind, and I feel like it's going to get harder not easier. Please if you read this write back, because I need as much help as I can get. It is a weird situation now because whenever my cousin and his wife hang out, it's always at their apt. Now he is there, and he thinks I'm going there out of spite, and he doesn't understand why I want to be there if he's there. I know my cousin is stuck in the middle because he is good friends with him. I'm not mad at my cousin for staying friends with him. I went there the other night with all of my other cousins, and I fell asleep while everyone left. He woke me up and asked me if my cousin was bringing me home. I said, I don't know I'm sleeping. So he said to my cousin, this is so stupid, how come she wants to stay here if we're broken up... So I just said I would leave. I don't know what to do. My cousin's wife asked me to hang out with her tonite and if I wanted to go to the laundromat because she's pregnant and wants me to help her. So I will be going there tonite and he's going to be there. What should I do? He put on his ******** status: Life sucks, but I told myself to deal with it. My cousin and my boyfriend know each other, and we all have hung out before. Well, he had his verizon phone account website opened up on my lap top, so I decided to just look and take a glance at his text messages. It shows the numbers that he texts, and texts that he receives. Well, I saw 4 different times that he texted my cousin first, and they talked back and forth a number of times. One was like 15 minutes, another was a half hour, then the other night at like midnight for 15 min. before he went to sleep, and yesterday morning when he woke up. I said something to my cousin about it but I was lying. I said, 'Oh so you and Justin were talking a lot the other night, were you talking about how bad I smell? I made a joke so she wouldnt think I was questioning why they were talking. Well, she went back to my boyfriend and said I was like freaking out cuz they talked. That bothered me, because I did not freak out, and it's like she went behind my back and said that about me to my boyfriend. She can be a little flirty at times, but I don't think she would do anything with him, or flirt with him using like sexual words or anything. He is the one who initiates the texts first, but she said that he texted her and was telling her how much bad luck he has playing bingo. Sometimes we all go play bingo together. But also, I've been checking his phone the past few days when he goes in the shower or something, and all of my cousin's texts are deleted! He deletes their texts, but not anyone elses. I asked him yesterday morning, " why do you text catherine alot ?" He said to me Im weird for saying that, I should trust her that nothing is going on, and he doesnt think its a big deal that they talk ...
