Did i get played or did he realise he doesnt want a relationship yet?

Ok so i recently met who i think is my perfect match and am crazy about him like I’ve never been about anyone else. We met at a club and spent the night together and had a great time. We had a really fun night, lots of talking too, and the next morning he was acting like he was crazy into me, asked me on a date, which was weirding me out since i wasnt expecting anything out of this and i wasn’t taking him seriously lol.

Anyway, surprisingly he was serious about that date. we had a great date that went for about 5 hours with no sex. We never ran out of things to say and have so many things in common. I wondered whether he is a player because he is a sweet talker and overdid the compliments. But we didn’t even talk about sex much at all, we were just getting to know each other and he seemed genuinely interested in learning about me. I passed off his sweet talk and compliments as him trying to impress me, because he was always trying to show off in general so I thought he was just trying to win me over.

After him contacting me every day that week, continuing to come on realy strong, the following monday night we went to his holiday house and we had the best time, spent a good 24 hours together and he was talking and acting like he wanted to be my boyfriend in so many ways. While the sex was incredible, we really got to know each other on much more than a physical level and were really into each other.

Anyway I havent seen him since.. and this was about 6 weeks ago. For the first 4 weeks he was still acting into me, would call me n we'd be in contact most days in some way.. he would initiate about 3 quarters of the time and ask me when im free n try to organise days to see each other. But it would never work out because there was always a reason he couldnt. He is a busy guy with lots of commitments, but he still makes time for his mates. When we did hang out, he was always blowing off work or sporting commitments to see me, but he stopped doing that pretty quickly obviously since i never see him. The past 2 weeks he has stopped initiating.. we havent talked at all this week and the week before that we briefly spoke twice, but it was initiated by me.

he recently got out of a long term relationship.. but he has been single for 6 mths now. But with that and his busy life, and him being a party animal, im thinking he just isnt looking for a relationship right now. I’m done trying now and have accepted we’re just friends for now, but I’m still really upset about this and can’t figure out what his deal is.

So guys, what do you make of this? I know its time to move on, but i just cant let it go the reasoning behind it and i really need some male input to get some peace of mind. we have left it open, so do u think there is much chance of him resurfacing and wanting to see me when he is ready? in which case i really dont know how i should respond.

I would say that he likes you but he just didnt feel a certain connection. Sometimes it takes guys a while to know if there into a girl or not. Especialy when a relationship starts so quickly like in your case. I dont think he was playing you. Just trying to get to know you and seeing if you were the one for him. maybe get in touch with him and see if he wants to do something. if you still have feelings for him then you have nothing to lose. He may of just got mixed up with something and got tired of having to push the relationship. Guys hate it when girls totaly leave it to them to initiate things. Odviosly dont over do it. But if you leave it up to them too much. they will get stressed by it.

If he's only 6 months out of a long term relationship, he might still be in the 'player' phase, checking out all his options. It sounds like you two really hit it off, but a 6 week gap? That does not work in your favour. Do your best to meet him face to face to talk about what's going on. Ask him flat out if he feels he's ready to get back into a monogamous relationship. Sure, he might BS you, but at least you'll have put the question to him. Only you can answer whether it's worth it to wait until he's through this 'party animal' phase.

It sure isn't fair to keep you hanging, waiting around for him. You deserve to know where you stand.

Ok so thank you for all the replies. Before i respond to each specific one i have an update that as made me feel a bit better. He started a conversation with me on facebook chat last nite and explained that he has been really sick this past week. Some type of fever that he has had blood tests for and waiting on the results to know whats wrong, and he just made it sound really bad. I did know he has actually been sick for 3 weeks now, because the last time we made plans he said he was sick so couldnt. But for the most part, during the first 2 weeks he was sick, he was still basically living his normal life and still partying the second weekend. So i kind of overlooked the fact that he was sick and thought he just didnt want to see me, especially since he stopped calling and texting. But i guess he wouldnt want to get me sick and kissing a girl is different, i wouldnt want to get sick either. Also, maybe he realised its not fair to talk to me so much when his not seeing me so he has given me some freedom until he is better? But yeah he basically came online, explained his situation said this past week he had gotten really bad, then said he had to go to bed. He told me he was recovering now though and feeling much better than he was. But then he said something that bothered me.. he should be completely fine in about a month. so i feel like he is letting me know maybe thats when he will be fine to hang out? I find it hard to believe his recovery period is going to take longer than the amount of time he was sick, and he doesnt even have answers to exactly what the virus is that he has yet. So now his put me in this position where his basically telling me to wait an additional month at least, after already waiting 6 weeks. I guess we will just talk a bit here and there over the next month and when his better hopefully he will want to catch up. Im going to keep my options open to other guys, and i guess im glad he isnt trying to close me off to seeing other guys during this time, like he did in the beginning even a month after we saw each other last.

Veroxius- I’m glad you don’t think he is playing me. some of my friends have suggested that, but deep down I didn’t think he was. But of course since I havent seen him since we went to his holiday house, and because of his sweet talk and complimenting that is a bit overdone, I was obviously going to question it. And no I didn’t leave it just to him to initiate things, sometimes when he called me I would be the first one to ask when he is free and if he wants to catch up. I would also text him first and talk on facebook first sometimes. Usually he would initiate things, but I did make sure he knew that I was interested too and I did take some part in initiating, imo I did it in the right amount.

Sexappealtips- yeah I did consider there is another girl, but from the start he was always making it pretty clear he isn’t seeing someone. Always questioning me about other guys and made me feel like we were exclusive from the beginning, he found it hard to believe I wasn’t seeing anybody. He was always joking about other guys and asking me questions to the point where it was beginning to get on my nerves. I would have felt so guilty to go on a date or kiss another guy because he would make me feel like we were together and that he would be upset if I was seeing someone. And also since he has been sick, if he is telling the truth I think its unlikely there is someone else now.

NewStart- yeah I think he might still be in ‘player mode’ and wants to have a little more party time, even if deep down he isn’t a player. Maybe that could be what the whole making me wait is all about? That he knows he will be ready but isn’t right now and just needs a little more time to get it out of his system. And yeah chances are he is likely to be checking out other options, so I will be doing the same thing too when I go out. I agree it’s really not fair for him to keep me hanging like this, but he is really worth the wait I have never met anybody like him before.

You got played....

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Originally Posted by cheeky&sexy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ok so thank you for all the replies. Before i respond to each specific one i have an update that as made me feel a bit better. He started a conversation with me on facebook chat last nite and explained that he has been really sick this past week. Some type of fever that he has had blood tests for and waiting on the results to know whats wrong, and he just made it sound really bad. I did know he has actually been sick for 3 weeks now, because the last time we made plans he said he was sick so couldnt. But for the most part, during the first 2 weeks he was sick, he was still basically living his normal life and still partying the second weekend. So i kind of overlooked the fact that he was sick and thought he just didnt want to see me, especially since he stopped calling and texting. But i guess he wouldnt want to get me sick and kissing a girl is different, i wouldnt want to get sick either. Also, maybe he realised its not fair to talk to me so much when his not seeing me so he has given me some freedom until he is better? But yeah he basically came online, explained his situation said this past week he had gotten really bad, then said he had to go to bed. He told me he was recovering now though and feeling much better than he was. But then he said something that bothered me.. he should be completely fine in about a month. so i feel like he is letting me know maybe thats when he will be fine to hang out? I find it hard to believe his recovery period is going to take longer than the amount of time he was sick, and he doesnt even have answers to exactly what the virus is that he has yet. So now his put me in this position where his basically telling me to wait an additional month at least, after already waiting 6 weeks. I guess we will just talk a bit here and there over the next month and when his better hopefully he will want to catch up. Im going to keep my options open to other guys, and i guess im glad he isnt trying to close me off to seeing other guys during this time, like he did in the beginning even a month after we saw each other last.

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Bullshit! lol

How can anyone possibly put a time limit on their illness - you are a 'backup' plan.

He's probably chasing his ex and is giving her month to return to him. If she doesn't, he will return to you.

You could be right about the ex gf.. but i kind of doubt he would want her back because she is 3 yrs younger than him and his only 21. I find it weird that he had a long relationship with her to begin with.

I think there is a 50% chance there is another girl and a 50% chance he is sick but is exaggerating it cos he wants to play the field a little longer.

But yeah putting a month long recovery period on a 3 week illness.. that he said he is already feeling much better from.. sounds kind of like a lie. he was typing really quickly in a rush and tends to say things without thinking first, and it was 'about' a month, so i dont know. But i am starting to be less naive, theres only so much i can take from him before it starts sounding like BS.

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Originally Posted by cheeky&sexy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You could be right about the ex gf.. but i kind of doubt he would want her back because she is 3 yrs younger than him and his only 21. I find it weird that he had a long relationship with her to begin with.

I think there is a 50% chance there is another girl and a 50% chance he is sick but is exaggerating it cos he wants to play the field a little longer.

But yeah putting a month long recovery period on a 3 week illness.. that he said he is already feeling much better from.. sounds kind of like a lie. he was typing really quickly in a rush and tends to say things without thinking first, and it was 'about' a month, so i dont know. But i am starting to be less naive, theres only so much i can take from him before it starts sounding like BS.

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You sound sensible and wise. ...LOVE SMART.

If you are given any cause to suspect you are being played, you probably are being played.

A woman NEVER has to second guess if a guy is into her - he gives her no reasons or cause to doubt him.

Good luck anyway :)

Yeah theres no doubt he has lost interest but i think the only reason he has is cos of the time that passed without seeing each other. I feel like if we were to see each other again just once we would pick up right where we left off and he'd be into me like he used to be. I dont necessarily think there is another girl/s and that im being played in that sense, or that its just about sex cos theres not really a reason to drag this out so long when he got what he wants ages ago and he could get sex easy from just about anyone with his looks. but i do think he wants a bit more time to play the field before deciding if he wants to commit with me or someone else. Selfish move to keep me on a string so if he doesnt find someone better he can come back to me and be with me.. if only i didnt like him so much!

Thanks for helping me see the reality of the situation that i was trying to ignore.

Update: I think i have my answer.. so my mum was sick of seeing me getting screwed over by guy after guy (typically ones i meet at nightclubs, go figure i know :p), so she basically forced me to join this dating site that my cousin found his gf from. And well obviously the idea of me joining this site is to find a new guy/s.. a few minutes into my search i find that the guy ive been talking to u about has a profile on that site! So after laughing at the irony of the situation and getting over the fleeting 'its fate' notion lol, the reality of the situation hit me when i saw that it says he has been online 'this week'. so sick or not, its clear that he is still pursuing or at least looking for other options or he wouldnt be on it at all i assume. So now i am almost positive that he just wants to date around and see if he can find anyone better, and who knows chances are he has been dating other girls these past few weeks.