Agape's Guidelines

I'm just writing up a few of the basic rules/guidelines I use when I respond. . . think of it as a mini-celebration of 50 thank posts, since my ideas are apparently helpful I'm going to re-address some of the most commons ones which I have used here

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Relationships

1) If you have a relationship then you have mutual trust and respect, so, if you DO NOT have mutual trust and respect then you DO NOT have a relationship

2) Seek both external and objective and internal and subjective advice because different viewpoints yield different perspectives.

3) Be very perceptive, gradually increase or decrease certain emotions, thoughts, and actions when necessary . . . there is no 'best' way, just use tact and adapt to that situation

4) Don't keep secrets or hide things . . . be honest and direct and speak the whole truth

Actions

5) You live in reality and not in fantasy, so, judge a person for what they are and not what they might be.

6) Actions speak louder then words. Use the habits of actions as a base example to predict future actions.

7) Judge actions in 3 ways, a) By person, is he or she good and is he or she trying to do the right thing, b) By action, is he or she doing a good thing, c) By result, is the result of this action good

8) The majority over the minority, try to get the overall personality . . . don't cherry pick the positive despite all the negative, and in some cases, vice-versa.

9) Love the present day person, try to get over people's history if you can . . . remember, that person is the summation of life experiences and perspectives, that person's history is what makes that person who they are today

Breaking up

10) Up/down push/pull on/off hot/cold relationships are just unneeded 'drama'. . . some people need to get past high school.

11) The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy . . .love and hate are both emotional/passionate, apathy is absence of such. . . if you want to move on then cut off all contact, don't initiate and don't reciprocate.

12) If things are working out then weigh the pro's and con's of continuing vs ending the relationship. Remember, don't worry about having all those years "wasted", what would be worse is to continue to waste future years

Finding the right person

13) Try to find someone who is a compliment to you for it is VERY difficult to change adult personalities and upbringings.

14) Personalize and make things mutually exclusive. Only you could do that for him or her and only he or she could get that from you.

15) Although understandable to use generalities and rules when first getting to know someone. Eventually adapt to make the best of the situation and make it personal to that specific person.