"Typical" Irrational, unreasonable girl? (Advice please!)

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30-10-10, 09:25 AM
ChicagoBound

"Typical" Irrational, unreasonable girl? (Advice please!)

I should preface by saying that I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months, and we moved in together last month. I knew when I started dating him that he has quite an extensive group of very close friends and that he's a pretty independent guy. That said, I either didn't know, or chose to ignore the fact that he's pretty impressionable when it comes to said friends. When he goes out with them, he hardly ever invites me, and he stays out for a long time (sometimes 10+ hours.) It bothers me, but when I bring it up, or even make an unwitting sad face when he says he's going out, he gets incredibly mad at me, and accuses me of not wanting him to see his friends. He says I'm irrational and unreasonable.

Example: A few days ago, he told me he was going this Saturday to a friend's house to watch a college football game. I was fine with this, said OK, and that was that. Today, he brought it up again, but also mentioned that he'd be there "very late." I must have made the sad face, because it set him off on a tirade. Am I wrong for being sad when he says he's going to be gone all day? It's not like I told him not to go, and it's not as if I was angry at him for saying he was going to be gone for a long time.

I know I live with this man, and I see him every day, but he works and I go to school, and he plays soccer on Wednesdays and Mondays too, sometimes, so when all is said and done, I really only see him a total of 4 hours or so before we go to bed. And really, what I mean by "see" him is we sit on the couch, watch TV, and he's usually in a bad mood from work, so he's not very affectionate. I'm a homebody, and I like to just be at home, but I would also love it if one of these weekends, he just decided to plan to go somewhere with me, instead of with his friends. Why do they get the week's prime time? Why am I not invited? Why does he get so irritated with me because it bothers me? Why isn't it exciting to spend time with me, and why doesn't he seem to want to?

I'd love any advice, even if it's to tell me I'm just being insecure, unreasonable, irrational, or all of the above.
30-10-10, 10:23 AM
Sonrisa

why can't you go with him?
30-10-10, 10:39 AM
ChicagoBound

He says it's all guys and "Nobody else is bringing their girlfriend"
30-10-10, 10:41 AM
cohen_girl

you're lucky that you get to see him that much. I was with my boyfriend for 10 months and only got to see him one day a week, about 8 hours. I would have loved to be able to fall asleep with him at night and see him even a little bit everyday, but I guess he didn't feel the same. But I completely understand how you'd be sad to not get to spend time with him, and I don't think that he should get angry at you for that. I'd try to coordinate date nights where he goes out with you, maybe once every other week, that way you get quality time with him, and he doesn't feel like you're tying him down and keeping him from his friends.
30-10-10, 10:42 AM
reeba

I think it is time to exam why you moved in with your boyfriend. Are you hoping to eventually marry him? Do you think he is going to change and all of a sudden he will have a revelation that he wants to spend more time with you than with his friends? Do you think you are going to change and all of a sudden become social and like sports?

If you are living with someone you can't shop around for that person you are really compatable with. Mark this down as a lesson learned regarding 'what you should be looking for in a partner' and cut your losses by move out NOW. Maybe moving out will make him have that revelation. But more likely it will just give you the opportunity to find a better boyfriend.
30-10-10, 10:50 AM
ChicagoBound

Quote:

Originally Posted by reeba [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think it is time to exam why you moved in with your boyfriend. Are you hoping to eventually marry him? Do you think he is going to change and all of a sudden he will have a revelation that he wants to spend more time with you than with his friends? Do you think you are going to change and all of a sudden become social and like sports?

If you are living with someone you can't shop around for that person you are really compatable with. Mark this down as a lesson learned regarding 'what you should be looking for in a partner' and cut your losses by move out NOW. Maybe moving out will make him have that revelation. But more likely it will just give you the opportunity to find a better boyfriend.

I am social and I love sports, but I am not allowed to go with him because he says it's an all guys thing and that none of his friends bring their girlfriends. I guess what I was kind of asking was whether this IS just showing that he doesn't want to spend time with me---or if he just wants a little time with them and I'm being silly. I know he needs time with his friends, I'm just asking if it's silly to be upset that they get his "good days" like weekends, and if he should be showing me he wants to hang out with me besides just seeing me during the week.
30-10-10, 12:47 PM
girl68

Every single time he's out he's out with only men? I find that hard to believe.

You're not communicating effectively. Instead of making a sad face tell him to have fun and then suggest spending tomorrow or the weekend together doing something you want to do. Date night or whatever.
30-10-10, 02:38 PM
Agape

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChicagoBound [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He says it's all guys and "Nobody else is bringing their girlfriend"

hah lol. . . that's a dumb excuse

Do you two go out at all? If not then you should talk about that, how you never spend quality time together.