Not sure where my long distance relationship is going

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03-11-10, 07:55 AM
steelmagnolia77

Not sure where my long distance relationship is going

Hi,

So basically I've been with my boyfriend for 2 yrs, and the entire relationship we lived 1.5 hrs apart. We saw each other every weekend, sometimes more. About a month ago, I made a career move and we now live 2 hrs apart by plane! Before I left, we agreed it was the best thing for me and he said that he wanted to move to the city that I was going to so it would be fine and that within 3 months he should be able to find a job and come to me.

Well, its been a month and he is telling me that things are going great at work and he cant jepordize that now and he doesnt think he will be moving within the next 6 months...ok so I can deal with that because I love him and I want to make it work.

This weekend he tells me that he isn't sure what he wants anymore, that he loves me and misses me so much and that its just really hard and he doesnt know if he can do it anymore. He said that he feels like he should know if he wants to marry me and he isnt sure if he does or doesnt. I asked if he wanted to break up and he said no he doesn't but if its this hard to do long distance he doesnt know if he can do it. He said he feels really pressured to make all of these huge life choices even though I have made it perfectly clear that he does not need to come here and propose to me within a few months of him moving here; I am ok keeping things the same.

Now the kicker....he tells me yesterday that he he got a text from some girl and he doesnt know who she is, thinks he met her at the bar on friday night, nothing happened but he gave her his #. I asked why he would do that and again he said he didnt know and that he doesnt remember it. He said he isn't interested in dating anyone and that he loves me and that he feels so guilty and aweful that he could even do something like that.

I have no idea what to do; part of me thinks I need to wake up and realize he isn't in this anymore and doesn't have the balls to say so and another part of me thinks that he is having a mid life crisis at 25 and doesnt know what to do.

Any insight would be appreciated! I have no idea what to do
03-11-10, 10:32 PM
xxazurexx

I could be wrong, but I think your guy is looking for a way to end this relationship. But he doesn't want to be the bad guy and end it.

He wants YOU to end it.

Which is why I think he added the 'kicker' and has told you about this other woman.

He's hoped and by mentioning this, that you get mad enough to end it IMO

He isn't in this relationship anymore and yes, it's about time you woke up to that fact because all the signs are there. Like I said, he doesn't want to be the bad guy and end it.

He's giving you reasons to want to end it.
04-11-10, 07:13 AM
IncognitoSir

Aye, he gave out his number to a chick.........dump him. Weather he meant to or not, or if he's lying or not.......dump him.
17-11-10, 04:21 AM
madotnw_nihs

Yeah I say end it with him. This will just drag out and linger on and on. People may cheat, but they won't tell you if they are still interested.
17-11-10, 05:21 AM
RockNRoll

Quote:

Originally Posted by steelmagnolia77 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He said he feels really pressured to make all of these huge life choices even though I have made it perfectly clear that he does not need to come here and propose to me within a few months of him moving here; I am ok keeping things the same.

I don't think you calmed him down with this. Moving to another place, changing job (and he seems to be happy with the current one, unless he uses it as a reason to slow things down with you) is huge for him, so he wants to be 100% sure that is would be worthwhile. It became all or nothig, marry or break up situation. And he told you already, that he is not sure about the marriage.
Long dinstance has a chance only when both of you are working on removing the "distance" and know when it is going to happen.
I didn't like that story with a girl from a bar at all. No positive conclusions, sorry :(
18-11-10, 07:51 PM
YouAreBeautiful

What is with that sad face RockNRoll, it is funny looking lol! Sorry, had to say it! I agree, I don't tlike that story of the girl at the bar at all. It sounds totally unreliable. IT sounds like the guy is unsure about things in the relationship. I agree with that totally. I think you need to take charge. Decide how much you want him and if so try to meet him halfway. It's tough to leave a job right now. You left town and want him to move. That is a big commitment for a guy and he may not be sure that you are showing the same level of commitment.
21-11-10, 01:22 PM
damn2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by RockNRoll [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Long dinstance has a chance only when both of you are working on removing the "distance" and know when it is going to happen.

This is VERY true. Long distance relationships can only work when someone is willing to sacrifice part of their life to help reduce that distance. Whether he or you move closer with a new job or both end up in a new place together.

At 25, he's still clawing up the ranks and unless a bigger and better offer comes in from your city, it looks like he might not budge. And uprooting himself and leaving his life behind can be a bigger deal for him than it was for you. You can be patient or just acknowledge it might just not work out.