I think Im in love with some else. Or am I just a fool?
Me and my gf have been together for almost two years(I'm 22 by the way, she is also). Everything was good until about a year and a half ago I met another woman, i had her in a college class, which is when I first noticed her, we never talked but I remember thinking she was gorgeous. But now get this, she she started working at the same restaurant as me. Well long story short, she quit the restaurant a year ago, we had been friends ever since, until August 2010 when I had been drunk, and decided to drunk text her how I felt about her. I basically said, "I remember the first day I saw you, your all I think about, I like you". Well she has a bf of almost 4 years, and he saw the text messages somehow(I'm guessing she told him because the day after I drunk texted her, the bf texted me to stay away, or get my ass kicked, and I never heard from her)
So basically my problem is that im love with someone who is not in love with me(I think), and im in a serious relationship with another girl (we live together). I know this sounds bad on my part, but I'm pretty sure I had given the other girl subtle hints through the past year. Hints while hanging out, holding her hand while we were at the local bar, sitting together with our legs rubbing against each other underneath the table while our significant others were on the other side and such. Now mind you, If I remember correctly, I instigated all of these moments, she never really made a move, I was the one who did. She just never pulled away or said anything like "stop". Well after August 2010 we stopped being friends because of the text messages i had sent, and because of her bf finding out. And basically my problem is that even though its been over two months, I still think about her, everyday. And the person I'm with now im not sure if I should be with. Am I really in love with this other girl? Or is just some fabricated thought, a fools dream, grasping at straws? I havent heard from the other girl since I sent the text messages saying how I felt. She hasnt contacted me, and I havent contacted her. So I have no idea on her thoughts. I'm guessing basically.
Its just confusing because even though I'm with someone who loves me, all i can think about is someone else. Its like my brain is telling me this other girl does not love you based on the fact that she did not respond after the drunk text messages and we haven talked since, but my heart is telling me she does. I dont know what to do, I want to go to the girl I secretly love and tell her how I feel. Tell her that Im im love with her, and if she was mine, I would never let her go, and I would be the man of her dreams. She makes me want to be a better person. But I would never do this while I'm in a relationship with someone. I feel like I would betray the person I'm with, and the person I'm with does not deserve to be hurt. Im scared if hurting my current gf, she doesnt deserve it, and Im scared of being rejected by the other girl, and in the end being alone.
Its just f'ed up b/c I remember while at the bar, her boyfriend would always tell how he would like to sleep with different girls that he spotted at the bar while his gf (the girl im secretly in love with)l was less than 10 feet away, and I remember thinking, "your an idiot, you have the perfect girl already, but yet you still want other girls."
Idk what do, im scared. But every night I go to bed dreaming of this other girl. We were best friends (her words in a text message, not mine. It seems like every intimate conversation we had was over a a text message while her bf was out of town or something.) and now we dont even talk.
Its late, so I'm sorry for any spelling issues or grammer.
