scared of happiness ,being on the edge seems safer

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09-11-10, 11:22 AM
sapha1

scared of happiness ,being on the edge seems safer

after him breaking up with me after three years and somehow where kinda back together, i dont really know what we are, after a month of breaking up ,last week we worked together and i spent the night with him since then we have been texting, he came to spend the weekend with me as hes in uni , we got on really well , the only thing is i was too scared to relax and get to conformable around him as im scared of being happy and then getting hurt and having to go through the pain as i did a month ago , it seems that being on the edge around him i feel safer as i wont fall into it so hard again.

during the weekend a friend of both of ours asked him if we was back together when i visited the ladies room , his reply was "trying". later on she told me about this .

it put me at ease alittle and we enjoyed are time together, when he was going back to uni , i asked what we were and what the boundaries where , he said "i dno , i dno what to say , what u mean boundries", i replied " well i dont wanna be company for each time u come home for u to go back to uni and do what u want " and he replied " i dnt do that anyways".

were both not really into "serious talk" as we dont like the awkwardness where both more go with the flow people so we just left it at that and enjoyed the last few minutes we had together before he went back.

just wanted advice to:

1) is it right to be scared and on edge being around him ?
2) do you reakon he's stringing me along and if not why do you reakon he keeps putting of the talk about "titling us" ?
3)how should i go about speaking about this again without risking what we have now

Thank you :)
11-11-10, 03:09 AM
flo_22

Being in limbo is not fun is it?! I've been here and what I learnt was that he isn't going to make any decision, it'll have to be you. He broke up with you, and is now casually seeing you. He's getting all the benefits of the relationahip he had with you, without being in a relationship with you now. You need to tell him what you want. I know you said you're both laid-back people but you don't seem to be as laid-back about this, and it's expected because he's hurt you and you're scared to get hurt again. I think you know that you will get hurt again if things remain the same. With my ex, I thought that if I still met up with him when he asked, because I loved him and wanted things to work, that he'll realise that things could work with us too. but how is he supposed to miss you when he can still see you whenever he wants?

I think whatever way you bring things up, it will risk things but at least you'll get an answer one way or another. It's horrible being stuck in the middle, but it's much better knowing where you stand. That way you can deal with it whatever outcome appropriately, rather than thinking about all of the 'what ifs'. I know it's hard but the only way you can get out of this uncertainty is doing it yourself.
Good luck, and I hope it all work out for you.
12-11-10, 06:33 AM
sapha1

Thanks for your reply , hes home on sunday just for the day , do i speak to him over the phone about this or just speak to him in person on sunday and just put it in a way , that we either put a title on it and put effort in it or we dont because where we are now im unconfortable and i dont want to be second guessing the relationship as its stressing me out but also hurting me ?

i just dont wanna come across to strong or clingy

i understand it takes time to amend things and gain what we had back , but we and i cant if i dont know what it is he wants or is expecting from this .

i just wish i didnt take what we had for granted because now its all different i appreciate what we had and do anything to get that back .
12-11-10, 08:56 AM
IncognitoSir

Quote:

Originally Posted by sapha1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks for your reply , hes home on sunday just for the day , do i speak to him over the phone about this or just speak to him in person on sunday and just put it in a way , that we either put a title on it and put effort in it or we dont because where we are now im unconfortable and i dont want to be second guessing the relationship as its stressing me out but also hurting me ?

i just dont wanna come across to strong or clingy

i understand it takes time to amend things and gain what we had back , but we and i cant if i dont know what it is he wants or is expecting from this .

i just wish i didnt take what we had for granted because now its all different i appreciate what we had and do anything to get that back .

I think both of you need to get out of this "go with the flow" thing you do. It's reckless and to be honest, immature. As adults, you need to be more responsible in the relationship. Working on a relationship is serious business and requires serious talks. You don't have to be harsh and it doesn't mean you're clingy but it is what you do to communicate what you want from the relationship and vice versa.