lost the lady I truly loved over bullskit
4 years ago a met a girl who I liked from the beginning. the first year the feelings were not mutual so we were just friends. We started growing to each other and became REALLY good friends .Then she told me in 2008 the feelings did become mutual and we kissed and stuff. everything was wonderfull, but a month later she said she made a mistake and that she just wanted to be friends. That's when i noticed she has a incredibly strong fear of commitment.
Ok we were friends again for a year, but a year later in 2009 we made out again, but this time she told me it was just "lust", that i didnt have to expect anything, we were still just friends.
Then from 2009 till september of 2010 (so till 2 months ago), we got closer then EVER. We had hour long conversations, about al kinds of subjects. We really started getting closer and closer, and any time I needed her she was there for me, and me for her. We live in different cities, but when i felt down, she would come all the way just to be with me. She told me she had never trusted someone as much as me, and she told me secrets nobody else knew. It was clear that we were falling in love, and since i had known her for 4 years, I started thinking, this is the girl i want to marry. When we were together she looked at me with a loving stare and everybody could see we were in love, we couldnt stop holding hands and cuddling.
She told me that things were really good, that we had really grown. So she asked me to be her boyfriend. Now, she asked me this in a way I did not understand she was really askin me to be her boyfriend: She said, so what are we gonna do? And I answered: i like how things are now, meaning that i liked the fact we were falling in love. Besides, I didnt wanna push her, cause every time I had done that she had taken her distance, i wanted to be really carefull not to push her away from me AGAIN.
So from that moment on she started to act like "just friends" again. I could notice she still liked me, but she did act a little cold. So i thought: "not again!". Three weeks ago i asked her why she was acting like just a friend. So she got REALLY upset, and told me she asked me to be her boyfriend and i had answered no. I told her i didnt knew that she was asking me, and that I didnt want to push her away, that i was just bein carefull wth her feelings. So she yells: "well bad luck, im over it". I had never seen her so upset.
The days after that she wouldnt talk to me and if i called her she would get mad and tell me to not call her. so i didnt call her anymore and wrote her a letter explaining everything, and telling her how much she meant to me, and that if she really wanted to take distance i would understand.
Then 4 days after wrting the letter she send me a textmessage: "Thanks for the letter, it's a beautiful goodbye". I mind you, this girl had been like a sister for me the last year. I called her immediately, and the first thing she told me was to "**** off" then i said what the hell is going on, we are best friends. She said that she was done with it, that she did not want to be friends anymore. She told me she did not trust me anymore, because i had been in love with her from the start, and she hung up.
Now how hypocrit is that? She was in love with me too! Now she is acting like we we were always just friends, and as if i was secretly in love with her for 4 years. This was NOT the case. She liked me too, she was always the one to make a move, she was the one to cross the borders of friendship every time i had accepted we were just friends. she was the one to ask me to be her boyfriend.
I really dont recognize her anymore. She says she doesnt want anything to do with me anymore, but untill 2 weeks ago i was the only person she had ever really trusted?? I thinks she means it, she really want to say goodbye for no real reason, after 4 years of love and friendship. I also told her that she was treating me as if i cheated on her, and she said that she doesnt have any feelings for me.
Any advice? Please comment, I'm 26 and have had plenty of girlfriends but this lady I loved to death. I really wanted to spend my life with her.
