A rare second chance

30 something years ago, I was a kid, barely a teenager. I fell in love with a girl. We dated for 7 years or so, all through high school and after. She lived far, so we only saw each other on weekends most of the time. Being a teen male with raging hormones, I managed to keep myself busy with other girls during the week.

I eventually got one of those other girls pregnant. I "did the right thing" and married her so we could raise our child together. It, all of it, was a huge mistake, and I realized that very soon after the wedding. I stuck with it, for the kids (we ended up having another), but in my heart, I knew I had walked away from my true love.

The kids grew and got out on their own. We divorced. I sometimes thought about the love I had left behind. I imagined she had found someone better, married, had kids, had a good life.

I had moved to another state early in that marriage. After the divorce, I moved back home. Being there, seeing the places I had been with my true love, made me think of her more often. The internet made it fairly easy for me to find her. She was married. They had a house not far from mine. I thought I would like to see her just once - to apologize to her for the way I had treated her. I know I was just a kid, but, she did everything right. She was awesome to me, and I was a cheating, moronic, jerk. I wanted to tell her I was sorry.

I drove past her house one Saturday afternoon, thinking I would stop if I saw her outside, not sure what I'd do otherwise. I ended up driving past without stopping, thinking, I had screwed up her life once, I needn't do it again.

Another 10 years go by...

I got an email. Didn't recognize the name - someone I went to high school with or something. I ignored it. A month later, I get a second email, something like "After all we were, I expected at least for you to say hi."

That made me think. I went back to look up her married name. It was her.

We emailed back and forth a bit. We went to lunch and caught up on old times. Eventually, I admitted I had always carried a flame for her. I apologized for how I had been. She admitted to having remained in love with me all these years. She had kept everything I had ever given her - letters, cards, gifts... all safely tucked away in a box.

Over the coming months, we fell in love again. Maybe that isn't quite correct as we had always been in love. We are both different all these years later, but, in many ways the same. Whatever magic that happened between us back then is still there. There was always something between us that neither of us have ever experienced with anyone else.

So, I get a rare second chance to love the love of my life.
It is so amazingly wonderful.

It is amazingly heartbreaking too. We are both married.
Knowing I can't have her, can't be with her, knowing she want to be with me, is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.