Help: I fell in love with a colleague and told him my feelings, but...?

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02-12-10, 08:43 AM
seekinglove

Help: I fell in love with a colleague and told him my feelings, but...?

Hi, I recently had a crush on a male colleague who's 15 years older than me. I'm 30 and got to admit that this is the first guy I really love in my life. I think it started as some kind of crush but then I discovered that it was love.

He's been in some professional crisis and won't know the outcome until two-three months later. It is highly private but he told me about his problem and I have been helping him. After 2 month, I finally gained the guts to tell him the other day that if it is possible to go beyond the professional relationship we have.

He first asked me if I know how old he was. After I told him about my feelings, he told me that he was still recovering from some painful experience from both personal as well as professional life and that he had to focus on the professional side till two-three months later.

He then asked me to ask him again when the issue got solved and that I could date other people during this time. He also said that he likes me a lot.

What do you think? My issue is what exactly is going on in his mind. Is this just another guy's way to say "No" or is he really not ready for it? Is he just busy with his career or is he not interested in me? Why asking me to ask him again and to date other people now if he likes me a lot? It hurts to think about these questions but I just cannot stop. I am confused. Should I wait for him? Please help.
02-12-10, 08:47 AM
sweetkissesforu

take whatg he says and do it because no sense in you waiting for him
02-12-10, 09:15 AM
seekinglove

Why? It's just several months and currently I do not have better options. Does this mean he is not into me?
02-12-10, 09:25 AM
Gratedwasabi

Quote:

Originally Posted by seekinglove [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why? It's just several months and currently I do not have better options. Does this mean he is not into me?

He's open to the idea but doesn't have a strong opinion yet. Does that make sense?

Basically, he would be willing to give a date a shot but it's not so important to him that he's willing to risk paying less attention to his career crisis right now.

It sounds like he might have a problem with the age difference and enjoys you as a friend but is unsure if he wants to go further.

If you feel so strongly about him, then wait and ask him again. But be prepared for possible rejection and taking his answer as the final word on it.
02-12-10, 09:58 AM
seekinglove

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He's open to the idea but doesn't have a strong opinion yet. Does that make sense?

Basically, he would be willing to give a date a shot but it's not so important to him that he's willing to risk paying less attention to his career crisis right now.

It sounds like he might have a problem with the age difference and enjoys you as a friend but is unsure if he wants to go further.

If you feel so strongly about him, then wait and ask him again. But be prepared for possible rejection and taking his answer as the final word on it.

Thanks for the reply. You are probably right--the crisis is indeed very serious and he has to deal with it. It is almost like a live or die thing--if the outcome is bad, he will have to leave and find a new job, maybe in a new country. What's worse, he told me that even if he won, he will leave the place. I am willing to move with him but he is not sure if I should because people like me here. I have been working closely with him these days to help him to survive this crisis.

I told him that I don't have an issue with the age and that I like mature men. I guess my issue is more about this "Ask me again when this case is solved" thing. Why can't he just tell me the answer after these months? If I ask again, am I risking being rejected twice?
02-12-10, 10:05 AM
IncognitoSir

Well he was pretty damn honest with you. He has other things he's dealing with now and can't afford to divert his attention away from those things at the moment. Doesnt sound or seem like he turned you down at all.....he was just being real with you.
02-12-10, 10:26 AM
VincenzoG91

If I was facing a career crisis at work, the last thing that I would want to do is get into an unprofessional relationship with a co-worker. At best, it would undermine both my professional reputation and hers. At worst, the relationship could go wrong and turn into a sexual harassment case.
02-12-10, 11:47 AM
seekinglove

Quote:

Originally Posted by IncognitoSir [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well he was pretty damn honest with you. He has other things he's dealing with now and can't afford to divert his attention away from those things at the moment. Doesnt sound or seem like he turned you down at all.....he was just being real with you.

Thanks for the reply. I understand that he might have feelings in me too. Glad that you do not think his reply as another way to say NO.

Quote:

Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If I was facing a career crisis at work, the last thing that I would want to do is get into an unprofessional relationship with a co-worker. At best, it would undermine both my professional reputation and hers. At worst, the relationship could go wrong and turn into a sexual harassment case.

Really?! Well I have not thought that much about it yet. But maybe you are right.

So here is my plan, I will be professional with him and be a good friend when he needs me. After everything is over and if he still has feelings in me, I shall wait for him to let me know the answers instead of pushing him to give me the answers. Meanwhile, I will stay strong and independent and make new friends and see what happens after that...
02-12-10, 01:30 PM
Gratedwasabi

Quote:

Originally Posted by seekinglove [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks for the reply. I understand that he might have feelings in me too. Glad that you do not think his reply as another way to say NO.

Really?! Well I have not thought that much about it yet. But maybe you are right.

So here is my plan, I will be professional with him and be a good friend when he needs me. After everything is over and if he still has feelings in me, I shall wait for him to let me know the answers instead of pushing him to give me the answers. Meanwhile, I will stay strong and independent and make new friends and see what happens after that...

This is a fantastic plan. You seem very intelligent and I hope it works out for you!
03-12-10, 12:16 AM
seekinglove

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This is a fantastic plan. You seem very intelligent and I hope it works out for you!

Thanks for your message. Me too. Love sometimes makes fool of everyone and I hope time would prove everything.
03-12-10, 12:47 AM
girl68

Good plan. Keep it professional :) Date if you have the option to! Once it's over expect nothing, if something does happen great, if not oh well.
03-12-10, 02:52 AM
Lovable

Sounds like you got it all figured out OP, good for you!