Silly Infatuation

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06-12-10, 12:19 AM
wizardox

Silly Infatuation

It is kinda weird that I am posting this because as I enter the forum and started thinking on how I should start my post, I began to feel that I am pretty retarded. Anyway, I am just writing it here to hear some comments and just to vent my feelings.

So here's how it goes. I am freshmen in college and she is in her graduating semester. So technically, this will be her last semester in college though she is younger than me. We know each other in a module that we took in the semester and were project mates. Interestingly, we got along pretty well. I usually don't communicate as well with girls.

She stays at her boyfriend's house, which coinidentally, is further up along the street where I live on. So usually after meeting for project discussions with our other mates, we would go home together. We would talk a lot and she would always complain to me about her boyfriend that she suspects him cheating on her, etc. She would then ask me if I did this or that. And somehow, I have no idea why she always praises me that I am a nice guy. It is not as if I gave her superficial replies that make her think that way. I told her honest things like I do turn my head over when pretty girl walks pass me, etc. So these replies shouldn't exactly make her think that I am any nicer than her boyfriend and I am just like any typical men. Anyway, I took her praises with just a pinch of salt.

So this went on for a short while and probably with her constant praises and the most likely factor, her beauty(yes, she is a very pretty girl. A lean and petite long-haired girl with super alluring glowy eyes.), I began to feel a little bit attracted to her. At first I am not sure if I am attracted to her but I think I am because I started to look forward to days that I could get to see her in class. She ever asked if I would have infatuation with someone despite having a girlfriend now. Ironically, my answer was "don't think so" because I don't want her to have any thoughts of mistakening me to have felt for her.

But this didn't last for long because as soon as the semester ends, I got busy with all my exam muggings, I soon forgotten about the infatuation over her. Moreover, my girlfriend visits me on most weekends.

Then come recently after all the exams, someone from our class decided to organise an outing in this exam vacation. Now, I get to see her again after more than a month. Since we were in a group with classmates, I didn't feel much at first. But as we all part for home, it come to the time when it was just me and her again, taking the train back together.

This time, although we still talk, we had several golden moments of awkward silence while we were in the train. And I also stumbled many times when I was trying to phrase my sentence proper. Quite embarassing actually but, ahhh crap... So as we alight the train, she said she wanted to buy some food from Macdonalds back home for supper. I wasn't buying but I just went with her.

As she was queueing for her turn to order, she asked if I want to dine in together. I hesitated for a while(ok, you are right. I acted to look as if I gave another thought.) and agreed. So we had our supper there and had some crap talking session until the place was closing and we went back to our own home.

Somehow when I was alone walking back home, the kind of shitty feeling struck me again. It seems like I wished that the Macdonalds hadn't closed yet and we didn't have to leave. I probably won't see her again because she is graduating. It feels like shit.

So this morning, I still got some bit of that shitty feel but I kept telling myself that well, I already have a lovely girlfriend and that I was just infatuated over her phyiscal attractiveness. I really hate myself for being this way. I feel like I am the biggest jerk ass and I feel so sorry for my girlfriend.

So okay, like I said in my first statement, I know this is pretty retard in many sense that I was being an idiot to have silly infatuations and then let that feeling keep me bothered the entire day. :tough:
And thanks for reading, if you did. :)
06-12-10, 03:06 AM
smackie9

All through your life, even when you are married, you will find someone utterly attractive. It's quite normal and nothing to feel guilty about. I'm sure your GF has had her moments too. If you acted upon the attraction, like having even an emotional affair, like texting each other a lot, meeting up to hang out etc, then you are going into different territory. If that happens then you need to re-evaluate your present relationship.
06-12-10, 09:01 AM
wizardox

But it was quite dangerous. Imagine if she doesn't have a boyfriend, I would feel really tempted to make my move. I haven't got such breath-taking feel for a long time. I have been with my gf for 5 years. But this one girl made me felt like "woah!".
The thing that makes me even more guilty is the fact that I actually miss her presence as she is graduating. But we have never texted each other before. I managed to curb my temptation to text her.
06-12-10, 09:04 AM
Gratedwasabi

Quote:

Originally Posted by wizardox [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But it was quite dangerous. Imagine if she doesn't have a boyfriend, I would feel really tempted to make my move. I haven't got such breath-taking feel for a long time. I have been with my gf for 5 years. But this one girl made me felt like "woah!".
The thing that makes me even more guilty is the fact that I actually miss her presence as she is graduating. But we have never texted each other before. I managed to curb my temptation to text her.

If you have a GF, you either shouldn't be thinking of making a move regardless of her being single or not OR you should be breaking up with your GF and then making a move. And by the way, it is possible to say no to pretty girls. :p
06-12-10, 11:42 AM
Sonrisa

Quote:

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

All through your life, even when you are married, you will find someone utterly attractive. It's quite normal and nothing to feel guilty about. I'm sure your GF has had her moments too. If you acted upon the attraction, like having even an emotional affair, like texting each other a lot, meeting up to hang out etc, then you are going into different territory. If that happens then you need to re-evaluate your present relationship.

OMG, this is Indi's child speaking. Or her reincarnated self.
06-12-10, 12:44 PM
Zabrinah

Okay. Good story. I like your writing. Here are some of my thoughts:

I think this graduating girl has put you in the "friend zone", where you rightly should be because you are BOTH in relationships. All the events you wrote about sound like normal things I do with my male friends all the time. You are only stumbling and tripping over your words when you speak to her because you are seeing her in a romantic way. I tell all my friends, guys and girls that they are nice; I compliment their looks, style, and intelligence all the time. However, I am not romantically attracted to any of them.

Some people are meant to guide your life and stay for the long haul. Others, are meant to make appearances, be constituents, and only make an impression for a little moment. The McDonald's graduating girl sounds like the latter. Guys often make the mistake of seeing something new to chase after, and then leave committed girlfriends that they still love. Be careful. Because you are DEFINITELY reaching the stages of an emotional affair, or you wouldn't be writing about this new woman in your life.

You are at an impasse. You cannot and should not make a move. Unless both partners (hers and yours) have been decently removed from the picture. And don't forget, this girl is leaving! You may be sad now, but I know that guys cry hard, but not long. You will forget, and remember what's important ... most likely.

And are you sure she is sooooo alluring because of who she is, or might it be because she is leaving soon--and you have known that all along? I don't know .... just trying to get you to see some perspective.

***

Author of the blog: How NOT to Fall In Love
06-12-10, 11:05 PM
wizardox

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zabrinah [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Okay. Good story. I like your writing. Here are some of my thoughts:

I think this graduating girl has put you in the "friend zone", where you rightly should be because you are BOTH in relationships. All the events you wrote about sound like normal things I do with my male friends all the time. You are only stumbling and tripping over your words when you speak to her because you are seeing her in a romantic way. I tell all my friends, guys and girls that they are nice; I compliment their looks, style, and intelligence all the time. However, I am not romantically attracted to any of them.

Some people are meant to guide your life and stay for the long haul. Others, are meant to make appearances, be constituents, and only make an impression for a little moment. The McDonald's graduating girl sounds like the latter. Guys often make the mistake of seeing something new to chase after, and then leave committed girlfriends that they still love. Be careful. Because you are DEFINITELY reaching the stages of an emotional affair, or you wouldn't be writing about this new woman in your life.

You are at an impasse. You cannot and should not make a move. Unless both partners (hers and yours) have been decently removed from the picture. And don't forget, this girl is leaving! You may be sad now, but I know that guys cry hard, but not long. You will forget, and remember what's important ... most likely.

And are you sure she is sooooo alluring because of who she is, or might it be because she is leaving soon--and you have known that all along? I don't know .... just trying to get you to see some perspective.

***

Author of the blog: How NOT to Fall In Love

hey..I went to make a search for your blog and read a few posts. I must say you have several interesting topics on your blog. I enjoy reading interesting writing styles too!

You kind of hit me right on the nail.

First, you are right that she will most likely only appear as a temporal character in my life. I probably won't see her again after she graduates from our college and she will move on with her own life. Even if we meet, we will very much be within the scope of just being acquaintances.

Second, you are also right that I will eventually forget about this infatuation that I have. In fact, I had forgotten it at one time during my exams period. It is only recently that we met again that brought that feeling back. So, I am not surprise, and is certain, that I am will soon forget about this impasse crush.

Third, I do agree with the fact that she is leaving does contribute to my self-indulgence in her beauty. Though having this said, I still think that she is alluring and beautiful. I am thinking probably I was attracted to some traits that I wished that my girlfriend has that I am not contented with(in this case, visually?). I don't know...but I believe I still love my gf and that's why I feel sorry. Though it will be really worrying if my assay on my contentment is right. shucks...

Seemingly, I was drunk by her beauty and am now experiencing the hangover effect. I am waiting for myself to be sober again and that's when my crush for her(or rather her "bewtiching" image) fades out of my mind.