She changed her mind within hours..
I just needa get this out from my heart. i feel suffocated. I deal with it good at times but usually bad at the state. let me tell u my situation now.
I followed my dad to his company for some learning business skills. wasnt my choice so here i have no friends etc etc . only work and productivity.
this girl, i knew her since 9. we were bus-mates and we were just kids so we play together with others too. years later, i changed school. met her back when i was 15, we started chatting and eventually we got into a relationship. i must say tho we were young, but we were really in love. only thing was that, i've never touched or hug her before. and of cuz no kisses. i was shy and very shy guy.. we hang on to it precisely 11 months. we only went out movies once and other times we spend our time together in our curricular activity. she said i was her first love but she did have thing going on with this guy before me. so does that mean, literally he's the first she ever fond of ? she told me it wasnt love. just fondness etc. she's my first too. i did like other girls and had a thing going but we were the first for each other getting into a relationship officially. we had great times too. then as time flies, i noticed some changes in her. wondering why she stopped calling me and to sing me to sleep and all. and there was once she didnt do well for her papers (tho, it was one of the highest mark) she was sad and she told me i wasnt there when she needed me. i called her up one day finding she's at a pool party and she sounded pre-occupied so i didnt continue the talk. i got a text from her days later that says " I dont see us as a couple at all.Tho i really love you but there's someone else in my life now( the previous guy before me) and he makes me feel better and important. i mean he's there for me and all. Let's have a mutual breakup cuz i really dont want to hurt you. you mean alot to me" then i said okay cuz i was losing feelings for her too.
2010 this year, on my birthday ( im already with my dad working), she wished me and we chat a lil. she asked for my email and later on my number so we could use this app in iphone, makes chatting easier. so that's where we took off. we chatted alot, we've grown alot in many years. i could tell she really has feelings for me cuz i just know these things and i was never wrong. (i had flings, ex before this year) then we would call each other at night and talk bout past how silly we were, etc. we would skype alot and seeing our grown up faces really warms the heart. she was the one always sending text to me untill one day she stopped doing so. i was wondering why. i was curious and i found out from her that she doesnt wanna get into a relationship cuz of her ex. her ex is the unofficial guy before me back in 2005. they've been together for 4 years and they broke up several times and got back and she was always the one brain washing him(he dumped her 4 times) she's a very loyal person when it comes to love. she would give it all. so she said she has this phobia of saying "I love you" and she fears i would break her heart(im the kind of guy who easily get bored of things, even with girls) but i told her she's diff cuz she's my first and back in 2009, i dreamt alot bout her, being with her when i was in a relationship. i told my friends how much i missed her and how much i want her back. it happened for me. so we chatted, sortted things out. we told each other we should not commit so deeply and just let things flow. then there was a week i went back to my home, (other states) and she flew back from melbourne. it was a coincidence. we met and grabbed drinks at a local bar and things got really great. for that 4 days, ( was back only 4 days) she accompanied me all the time. from morning till the a.m morning. we kissed, we did things (no sex- we planned it for xmas special) and when i told her on the last day that i love her, she lied beside me and told me" u know i cant say it but i have the same for you, with tears) things went really well and then the next day i returned to the pits of hell..
a week after my come back, i noticed she's been busy and no time for me. one of her family member suffered from stroke and i found out. i was considerate and i understood if she needed time alone. but i was there when she needed me. i did every possible way of making her feel better. then one night i called her up and told her we need to discuss some matter. i know she wanted to avoid that (she told me later on) and so finally we had the discussion. at the end of it, we were happy with it and still moving on very well. i would go for my golfing course and she would call me from time to time just to check on me and i was happy bout it. so yday, everything was great , at 3 she texted me asking how am i doing, saying she isnt calling cuz she knows im busy and reply her once i read this. i called her at 5pm, then she picked up the phone and sounded so excited hearing my voice. she told me she was driving and we'll talk soon! so then, i waited for 2 hours wondering why hasnt she called. i decided to ring her up to disturb her right after im done with my course. she picked up andn here's the dialogue
A: Hey! what's up
E: hi im at friend's house. (her voice was rather moody)
A: Why u feel pressured? (cuz she knows i, kiddingly will tell her to go home knowing she's out the entire day)
E: yea i do.
A: U shouldnt be silly. anyway, whats up
E: i know. im actually... at guyfriend's hse.
A: ohh... okay.
E: u know what i mean. guy friend
A: huh? no big deal whacha guys doing
E: **silence**
A: (popped into my mind, it was super random) are u at ur ex's?
E: uh yea.
A : what are u doing there?
E: idk
A: okay, go on, bye.
I was confused and i asked her what she's doing there, she said she doesnt know. That didnt make any sense. i was lost and worried and all those negative thoughts dawned on me. i called up a friend and told her to brainwash me and get me prepared for the worst,( precautions). it went well.. and i kiddingly told her (omg, im gonna drown if she send a text saying "Im sorry"
We laughed bout it knowing she wouldnt change her mind that fast. i know her long enough and i do know what kind of person she is. The night before , she called me and i didnt answer. there was a msg i sounded unhappy but i was busy so i typed short and pressed sent. she called me and asked if im okay and told me " u know im cant sleep if ure not okay" . then we chatted and had our kinky moments. usually we do it thru skype. (gotta understand, im alone for already 4 months with no friends around, aint a pervert or despo). EVERYTHING WAS GOING THE WAY IT SHOULD..
first text i sent her after the news. "what do u mean u dont know what ure doing there? i think im getting it. im in no rights to say anything anyway. leave me alone. ( iwas pissed off)
2nd text :- Hey sorry for the outburts. I know what will happen after this.. Sincerely, i hereby wish u the best in life and good luck in everything u do. those 3 months we spent together will be a living memory. i really had a great time. thanks for everything :) take care,E
3rd text :- i asked why couldnt u say 'i love you' was it because ur not over ur ex yet? u said no, im totally over him. U shoulda told me the truth. i regretted calling u. if i didnt call, i wouldnt have found out anything and i could still be living my life happily.
an hour later, she texted back. when i was on the phone with my bestie. she said " im sorry. i didnt mean for things to turn out this way. I only love him. My heart only has him in it. I wish u the best in life too."
I stoned and stunned. my friend asked what she said and i read out. she screamed. i was depressed. i felt like a long pike just pierced thru my chest. im lost .. i cant blv all this happened within 3 hrs.. 3 hrs ago, she was so into me, her feelings i could tell by the way she expressed/talk. 3 hrs later, it's gone just like that. there's nothing i can do. and i dont want to do it. im have a very strong ego. thanks to it, it's holding me. i just cant blv she pushed me away from her life like this. she never called or texted again. she was always the one telling me dont get bored of her, dont push her away. she was worried i would get bored of her.
Come to think of it, that's prob the reason why she deactivated her fb account( i asked her before she told me but i forgotten why) in order not to see her ex's on going life. it kinda makes sense now.
i always do the dumpings and i felt guilty for those. i would at least call them up and explain. but, knowingn she's much wiser than me, she didnt. I just hope she'll realized how much i did for her. not that i want anything from her anymore.
i feel much better.
