Sorry to rant....

So I met a man. Online. I never expected to fall in love with him. And I never for one second believed he would fall in love with me. There were things I didn't say. Lies. To protect me and my life as I knew it. And because in the past people have used knowledge against me online. I fell for him in a huge way. In a way youve only read about. He was my best friend. We met and had the most amazing day. Could happily speak to each other for hours on the phone. We were planning on meeting again. He'd had a bad day. Found some stuff out about people he thought he knew better. By now he knew everything about me expect the precise location where I live. Id told him it was the next big town along (15mins by car) We were going to meet next monday. He said he would come to my place to pick me up. I told him from which town. He went quiet and said it was one step too far. For me not having told him. Hes taken down his online account. And we had always promised that if we were going to just disappear we would tell each other. Both had been stung before. He said he was going. He's changing his number. He loves me but cant trust me. He always walks away. Doesn't want to stay. I should hate him. But I don't. I love him. I don't want it to end like this. But hes gone. And I know that all the ways of communicating with him are now gone. I'm never going to hear from him again.

No before you ask I'm not 15 I'm a grown woman. I know how pathetic this sounds. If i was reading it i would think the same. But i cant quite believe he's gone. I'm never going to be able to speak to him again. He said over time I'll hate him. For him just going. That its for the best. But how can it be for the best? I let him down and I'm only getting what I deserve. I see that now. It's all my fault. ...