Long, but NEEDS help and advice?
I have been in a relationship with a man for 2 years we are the same age, i have a daughter who is 3 years old.
This relationship was one of those 'when things are good, they are perfect.. When it is bad, its just awful'.. We both are quite jealous people, when i think of him with other people in the past, it hurts me enough to feel sick to my stomach, i tend to nag quite often about it.. and i know this stems from low self asteem. He on the other hand tends to get jealous when i speak to other men, he will get angry with me and often calls me names like 'slut, tramp, whore' etc..
Our relationship went from very loving, to very intense and toxic almost, We would only be truly happy if we were together in each others arms.
Deep down i knew it was all wrong, but very determined to make it work, i would swear i would try not to bring up past lovers.. and he would swear he would never get angry at me for talking to friends.
It just continued until one night the usual happened, we were out with a group of friends and he swore i was flirting with other men, I honestly didnt think i was, i am usually a friendly person, quite a social butterfly i love socializing making friends and such.. He began drinking heavily that night and just turned on me.. He was screaming the usual names.. But it was in front of everyone, all my friends.. I was so upset and embarrassed..
The next morning i left him, i couldnt take it any longer. I ignored him, went out with friends and was having the tie of my life. I felt free from negativity, hurt and didnt cry once. It was strange.. I met an man a few years older than me through one of my best friends.. She said he was perfect and introduced us. We got along like house on fire.. We started to meet up more often and he just gave me a very positive vibe, not mean, not spiteful.. just a very happy spirit. I loved this and he was eager to meet my daughter, take us places and he often sent me flowers at work and such. I felt so beautiful and special..
A few weeks later, my ex started to call and explain how unhappy he was, how he had met other women and it felt so wrong, how he knew he wanted to be with me and change things.. I knew i should have ignored him, but there was something i couldnt resist.. So we started to meet and spent nights together.. When he learned of me meeting another man.. He was so angry and heartbroken. It killed me to see him like this, but again it turned on me, he called me stupid, whorish, and slapped me across the face.
He apologised but i am back in this toxic place.. i feel trapped, alone, and dying inside from not being able to let him go. I feel more trapped than i did before..
How can i let something go that i feel so strongly about, i know its wrong but i cant help feeling it will change..
I am sorry this is so long, i have nobody else to talk to, i feel so embarrassed about this and i need unbiased opinions and advice.
So i would *really* appreciate if somebody would help me.. Thanks in advance.
