Met a (girl) friend today - disappointing outcome
Hi everybody. An interesting one for you here.
Today I met with a girl who I met a year ago while on holiday. Back when I first met her, I enjoyed the small, few conversations we had, but didn't really develop any relationship beyond this - until I left her a letter before we parted on our separate ways then, explaining that I really liked her. She's from another country in Europe.
We kept in touch (by email) since then and I finally arranged to visit a friend who lives very close to where she lives, whom is studying there. Therefore I arranged to meet up with her too. Today she took the train to meet me in the city in which I'm staying. My friend had left for the weekend to visit another friend, so I was left with his (shared) apartment key and place to stay. I only really had today to meet her as she was busy this week, and was only available today, and I go back home tomorrow in the late afternoon.
It was great to see her and initially everything was going great. We went for a long walk and got talking about life in general, and then we went for a coffee because it was really cold. We must have stayed in the coffee house for close to three hours. Again everything was great here too, but then without any plans made beyond the coffee house, she explained that she was going to get the train home.
I was disappointed to hear this, but was willing to accept that perhaps this was the end of the day. However, she suggested she might ring her sister (who lives in this city we were both in) to see if she was around to meet up. Alas she didnt answer her phone. Then she suggested we go to the cinema or theatre - but only if it was in english to suit me. I agreed and so she made plans to go to the theatre and we went there. Upon arriving there, the play had already began (by only a few minutes), was perceived to her to be not worth the money I was going to pay (I work now, she still studies) and therefore she again said she was going to go home by train.
Again however she changed her mind, and now suggested looking to see something in the cinema. We agreed to do this, but on the way, or rather when we were in the middle of trying to figure out how to get to the cinema, she finally decided to get the train home, as we were in the main station at this stage so it was easy for her to catch the train.
Now, what annoys me about this whole affair was the following;
Firstly, I remained completely laid back and not necessarily the one to make suggestions. Partly because this was her city that she knew, and not mine. Partly also because that is my nature - I dont like to force other people into things, I rather let nature take its course.
Secondly, I did not feel it right to be suggesting to her she could stay at my friends apartment, instead of going home by train. She had admitted she didnt need to be back to her home town until tomorrow afternoon, but this was well before I realised she was planning on leaving before the night was over. Because my friends apartment is his and not mine and because he shares it with other people, I just didnt feel comfortable with this option.
Finally, she said at the theatre as she was hesitating with what to do about whether to go see the play that had already begun, that she didn't like making such small decisions. Again as we were trying to find the right way to go to the cinema, and just as she was deciding to finally leave, she again said she needed someone to make decisions for her. Not necessarily in those words, but it was a hint enough. It was her crying for me, the man, to make a decision FOR her. But, I still didn't feel like it was right to do so. Therefore I didn't suggest anything, and merely accepted her apologies for wanting to go home.
After leaving her, I 'manned up' a little and sent her a txt, first asking whether she did want to stay the night. Then when she explained she was already on the train, I said to her I didn't want to be too forward with her and also told her that I really liked her (in case that had been a doubt of hers, as we only hugged and didnt really get on to discussing anything too intimate). She said that I shouldnt leave where I live at home because she wants to visit me here. And that's that!
The final other thing that should be put into this scenario is the fact she was diagnosed during this year with MS and this was also playing on my mind in terms of trying to be too forward and suggesting anything that might be too much for her.
I regret that I wasn't more forward with the opportunity tonight. I wasn't at all planning on anything happening sexually, but was hoping to kiss her tonight and try and further any potential relationship. Now I am left wondering whether she was waiting for me to suggest a solution to her needing to go back by train tonight/suggest an alternative plan and whether this relationship has any future potential, and if so whether I should go and suggest to her to visit me in my home town as soon as she can?
Thanks for reading and helping in advance. I'm rather disappointed and partly regretting what happened, but I do feel that my behaviour and decision making tonight was not necessarily unnatural on my part.
