My friends wont accept my new boyfriend

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23-12-10, 05:20 AM
CaramelHuskey

My friends wont accept my new boyfriend

Hi, this is proberly going to be a long one but the title says it all. I started seeing a guy from my work place about a month back and we are now exclusive. He's really kind, caring, and works hard. I told my 2 best friends about him, (i'll just add my 2 best friends are 18/19 and have a child each with their partners, who are basically the exact opposite of my new guy and both live with their parents and one even still goes out drinking dumping the child on her parents), and they were pretty weary about him as they were both very fond of my ex partner. When i told them his age, 32 (i'm 20), and showed them a picture of him (he's a bit on the chubby side) they told me i could do better and that he was a fat pervert. He's only 2 years older than my ex, and excuse me if i'm not shallow! i also thought that they were fine ones talking, as their boyfriends aren't exactly Brad Pitt lookalikes, and i can't say they have much personality either, however i wouldnt upset my friends by telling them this straight out like they did to me. When they said this the principal of it that got to me, but my friends had always been there for me and no man could split us up, and i eventually let it go. Now, however, they are both refusing to meet my boyfriend, and one of them (the one who likes a drink) has so much of a problem that she's cut contact with me, and only texts to see if i'm coming out on the weekend (which i dont, because i dont want to encorage her as i think she should be at home with the baby). All of this may seem petty but it's quite upsetting me. I suffer very badly with anxiety, which my friends know about, and feel like i'm going to have to choose between the girls and my man. I've considered that they may be jealous because my boyfriend is well off and i could have a happy and exciting future with him, or just that they would be embarrased to be seen with him because he's not a male model, because he's not from our valley, and so on, but no matter why they wont give him a chance, they just wont. It's like they dont want me to be happy with him because of whatever reason but would rather me be with my ex (who dont get me wrong was a lovely guy, it just wasnt working out) and be unhappy. Maybe it's time i found new friends, not that i'm choosing him over them but maybe they just can't be very good friends if they cant be happy for me now that i've found somebody who's a keeper. Really, i'm wondering if anyone on here has had any similar experiences and could maybe give me some advice, or perhaps there's something very obvious here that i'm missing but is clear to an outside eye? i'd be grateful for any replies. Thanks:)
23-12-10, 05:46 AM
vashti

Maybe you are ALL right. Maybe he IS too old for you (well, he IS), and maybe you need to find new friends (you DO). You are ALL right, even though it seems to be by accident.
23-12-10, 06:00 AM
CaramelHuskey

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Maybe you are ALL right. Maybe he IS too old for you (well, he IS), and maybe you need to find new friends (you DO). You are ALL right, even though it seems to be by accident.

Thanks for your reply :) I get why people may think 32 is too old for me, but this isnt at all a problem between the two of us so i'm not letting that concern me, although i understand what you say, it makes sense :)
23-12-10, 06:26 AM
MerryH

You're all pretty judgmental of each other, and you're basically guilty of the same thing they are. They don't approve of your boyfriend so they choose not to have any part of it, and you don't approve of how one of them is raising their child so you choose not to have any part of it. That's fine, I guess, but supportive friends don't boycott things just because they don't like it, you talk about it and let them know how you feel and that's pretty much all you can do. It's pretty much "I don't think you're making the right decision, but I love you so I'm going to keep being a good friend to you no matter what." So if none of you can do this, it's probably better to get new friends.
23-12-10, 06:44 AM
CaramelHuskey

Quote:

Originally Posted by MerryH [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You're all pretty judgmental of each other, and you're basically guilty of the same thing they are. They don't approve of your boyfriend so they choose not to have any part of it, and you don't approve of how one of them is raising their child so you choose not to have any part of it. That's fine, I guess, but supportive friends don't boycott things just because they don't like it, you talk about it and let them know how you feel and that's pretty much all you can do. It's pretty much "I don't think you're making the right decision, but I love you so I'm going to keep being a good friend to you no matter what." So if none of you can do this, it's probably better to get new friends.

Hi :)

I'll be honest most of what you say is very true and has opened my eyes to how bitchy we are with each other, but where as i dont like how she brings the baby up, i actually do have a part in it; i babysit for her, buy the baby clothes and toys and am sort of like an auntie who isnt a relative if you get me, so i'm not sure if this is just me sticking up for myself, but what you say about ''i dont think your making the right decisions but i love you and will stick by you etc'' applies to myself towards her but not vice versa, do you think i'm right...? but you are completely correct on everything else you said!
23-12-10, 07:23 AM
damn2010

Hahaha...yeah that is REAL judgmental of them to call you out on your boyfriend when they aren't even 20 and have babies already!

Honestly, you have to sit them down and ask them really are they your friends or not? Because if they ARE your friends, they might not agree with your decision but they MUST and WILL respect it. True friends will always give someone a chance and if they have issues later on, they will confide to you but they should respect your decisions.

He is indeed too old for you and that is a huge gap, but if it works, it works.

He could be an extremely nice and sweet guy but they are judging him on his looks! Not his heart. I'm sure if he was Brad Pitt they would be drooling and asking to meet him. You're young, but you might even want to tell your friends to "grow up a little" and learn to look PAST the book cover and actually read it.
23-12-10, 07:41 AM
girl68

I think you AND your friends have serious issues. Babies at your age, and boyfriends a decade older than you... yikes.

Sorry about you actual issue, I'd have to agree with the other 2 posters. 1 who said you are ALL right. and the other who said you're all judgemental.
23-12-10, 08:20 AM
xxazurexx

Hmm yeah, those two friends of yours are shining examples aint they? Both have a kid at 18 and 19.....kinda like the frying pan calling the chip pan, grimy arse. They have no room to criticise anyone IMO.

I think 32 is also too old for you - but a 12 year difference is no reason and not enough reason to simply class someone as being a 'pervert'.

And IMO and if people who claim to be your friends will turn against you and simply because of a bloke....they aren't true friends.

True friends are people who remain there for you.

Ditch the pair of bitches.