Me and my best friends Ex?

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30-12-10, 02:47 PM
insert username

Me and my best friends Ex?

It's a long as story.
Here goes.

My friend who we will call 'Bob', went out with a girl called 'Jill'. They broke up a four months ago because Bob cheated on Jill.
Two months later, me and Jill started talking, and turns out we have heaps in common, and we planned to meet up a few days later.
So we did, and we kissed. We decided to keep 'us' a secret, because we didn't wants to cause all this drama. So we continued to secretly meet up and do 'things' together. She started to develop feelings for me, but I wasn't sure how I felt about her.
until we didn't talk for about 5 or 6 days, because we were just busy doing our own things. I hop on Facebook, and it says she is in a relationship with another guy.
So I'm thinking WTF? we were practically seeing eachother, and apparently now she had a boyfriend. The next day I went to a shopping centre with my friends, and I bumped into her, thinking 'oh great' in my mind. I saw her 'boyfriend' behind her. So she came up and hugged me and continued walking off.
30 minutes later, she comes and sits down with us, and complains how the guy she is with is a freak. They only starting talking a few days ago on Facebook, and met that day. I said, "Aren't you two going out?"
To which she replied no, she wasn't taking the whole thing seriously, and he was.
He claimed for her to be his everything, even though they spoke for 3 days and just met.
So me and her went back to normal. But during this whole event, I realised I really do have feelings for her. A LOT of them.
So we got closer and closer and we decided to make us public. I spoke to my friend, and told him about me and Jill. He was totally fine with it all.
But, the dumb thing is, my other friend 'George' is upset with me, because I am going out with my friends ex.
He stops talking to me completely. And chose not to be my friend anymore, and avoid me.
The shit thing is, He is in my group of friends, and he always organises for the guys to go out, and obviously he never tells me and he organises it all, and so I don't go out as much as I used to.
He's a selfish c***.
I told Jill all of this and she felt as if it was all her fault, and that she was ruining my life, and was considering whether to end 'us' or not. I told her, George is obviously not my true friend if he is willing to end our friendship, simply because he doesn't approve of my girl.
The next day I was with Jill and she was acting weird.
I spoke to her that night, and she said that she isn't sure about us anymore. She thinks things will only get worse if we take things to the next level, and actually go out with eachother.
I told her things won't get worse, and we will only know for sure if we try.
I told her exactly how I feel about her, and how much I love her. I've never felt this way about any other of my past girlfriends.
And I told her, when you make up your mind about us, tell me. But don't wait too long, because this is driving me crazy.
She said she will tell me what she wants for us as soon as she makes up her mind.
That happened last night and I haven't spoken to her since.

I'm 17, she's the same age.

Sorry for the long story, but I figured the more detail I provided, The more helpful the response.
31-12-10, 04:00 AM
MerryH

She's considering breaking up with you because some random friend of yours doesn't approve of you dating her? Doesn't sound right. There are probably other reasons she's conflicted, but she has a history of being a flake, anyway. Then again, 17 year olds are pretty much all flakes. It's probably not going to work out with her. George is an idiot, but she's not worth losing friends over, so try to patch things up.

P.S. Never ever ever tell a girl that you'll wait around for her while she makes up her mind. You'll end up doing a lot of waiting for nothing. "Not sure" means "no."
31-12-10, 04:45 AM
SelflessnHumble

Quote:

Originally Posted by insert username [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

My friend who we will call 'Bob', went out with a girl called 'Jill'. They broke up a four months ago because Bob cheated on Jill.
Two months later, me and Jill started talking, and turns out we have heaps in common, and we planned to meet up a few days later.

What were your intentions with Jill, and what were you looking to get out of this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by insert username [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

We kissed. We decided to keep 'us' a secret, because we didn't wants to cause all this drama.
So we continued to secretly meet up and do 'things' together. She started to develop feelings for me,
but I wasn't sure how I felt about her.

Two grave mistakes.

(1) Keeping secrets doesn't work, because SHE can also keep a secret from you with another boy.
(2) She developed feelings for you: You were unsure what you felt...She wanted someone who KNOWS
.....how he feels for her not someone who "isn't sure."

Quote:

Originally Posted by insert username [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

We didn't talk for about 5 or 6 days, because we were just busy doing
our own things. I hop on Facebook, and it says she is in a relationship with another guy.
So I'm thinking WTF? we were practically seeing eachother, and apparently now she had a boyfriend.

You weren't sure about your feelings 4her + didn't talk for almost a week + you had ZERO commitment with her
because you (a) weren't unsure and (b) wanted to keep things a secret...so what is the problem?

In your generation people kiss and it means nothing -happens all the time.
If you don't say it: she doesn't know how you feel. You messed up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by insert username [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

30 minutes later, she comes and sits down with us, and complains how the guy she is with is a freak. They only starting talking a few days ago on Facebook, and met that day. I said, "Aren't you two going out?"
To which she replied no, she wasn't taking the whole thing seriously, and he was.

Both of you have issues.
She calls him a freak, yet she is "with him" but to her it is a joke (pot calling the kettle black?)
You and her hooking up was a joke to her, which is why she burned you and left you high and dry.
Then once after the "talking" they did on FB yielded a meet, she discovered he was "a freak" and now wants
to resume what you thought you had with her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by insert username [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So we got closer and closer and we decided to make us public.

This is the best thing I've seen you do. However in retrospect you should have asked your best friend BEFORE
ever touching her. "it just happened" is an excuse.

Quote:

Originally Posted by insert username [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But, the dumb thing is, my other friend 'George' is upset with me, because I am going out with my friends ex. He stops talking to me completely. And chose not to be my friend anymore, and avoid me.
The shit thing is, He is in my group of friends, and he always organises for the guys to go out, and obviously he never tells me and he organises it all, and so I don't go out as much as I used to. He's a selfish c***.

George is entitled to feel what he does AND I've got news for you:
People change and there is nothing you can do about it. This is called life and a part of growing up.
He may feel you going after your best friend's ex is bad news (which it IS) OR
he may have liked her, and he couldn't handle you with her.

At any rate he doesn't swear your other friends to secrecy when they go out.
SO, suck it up and ask someone else in you group to tell you where they meet up.
It would also do you much good to sit down with George and ask him in a non-ass wipe way
why he doesn't like you going out with Jill. His answer may surprise you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by insert username [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I told Jill all of this and she felt as if it was all her fault, and that she was ruining my life, and was considering whether to end 'us' or not. I told her, George is obviously not my true friend if he is willing to end our friendship, simply because he doesn't approve of my girl.

Big mistake. Why?
She doesn't need you to unload your drama with some other dude when she could construe HER being the cause!
She either felt truly bad about it OR she wanted to use this as an easy out to dump you.
She also seems very unstable and just because she has a VG doesn't mean she is good for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by insert username [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The next day I was with Jill and she was acting weird.
I spoke to her that night, and she said that she isn't sure about us anymore.
She thinks things will only get worse if we take things to the next level, and actually go out with eachother.
I told her things won't get worse, and we will only know for sure if we try.
I told her exactly how I feel about her, and how much I love her. I've never felt this way about any other of my past girlfriends.
And I told her, when you make up your mind about us, tell me. But don't wait too long, because this is driving me crazy.
She said she will tell me what she wants for us as soon as she makes up her mind.
That happened last night and I haven't spoken to her since.

You love her for all the wrong reasons it seems.
She hasn't been able to make up her mind for as long as you've known her YET
she is supposed to now confront her demons just because YOU ask her to do it?

Not going to happen.
She isn't ready for a real relationship and I don't know if you've ever considered it
but she may be not wanting to get hurt, so in the name of self preservation some women find
that by going from guy to guy on their terms, or even dumping one before they can hurt her:
she thinks she is doing the right thing. Nothing you have said about her denotes a good-hearted
woman but hey, you feel the way you feel so now you have to face the music and just sit there and wait
while one person decides your fate because you were too much absorbed with her to see what she was doing
and what you should have done...