Still in love with my first "real" girlfriend 3+ years ago

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04-01-11, 01:38 AM
adviceneeded

Still in love with my first "real" girlfriend 3+ years ago

I'm 28 and I think about my ex constantly. We dated for 2 years more than 3 years ago. It was a tumultuous relationship, but she loved me so much and she told me that all the time. Things kept adding up, and I eventually broke it off with her. (Neither of us cheated, but we were both very immature).

I ran into her on New Years at a club, and it tore me apart seeing her. I was even thinking about her at the time, and sure enough, I saw her come out of a crowd of people. I tapped her arm and said hello, and we spoke very briefly. I later sent her a text message to see if she was still in the club, and she replied saying that she wasn't interested in dating me anymore. I left the club just as they were doing the countdown.

It kills me inside knowing that I let a beautiful girl go (that loved me so much ) 3+ years ago. I tear up just writing that line. Some of the best memories that I have are with her, and that is the one chapter of my life that I will never forget. I constantly look into my future and see myself with her.

I think I need serious help because I can't get her off my mind, not even from my dreams. She knows that I want to date her again, but what she doesn't know is that I am deeply in love with her STILL. Her birthday is coming up and I don't know if I should just come clean and tell her that I love her and really want her back. What I'm afraid of is her revealing stories of the men she has dated, telling me the number of people she has had sex with, and sharing intimate stories that are not my business. This would destroy me from the inside out.

I thought that when you leave someone you get over them with time...
04-01-11, 02:51 AM
xxazurexx

Have you had other girlfriends since her?

Perhaps the reason you are so wrapped in her after all this time, is because you have had/ there is nothing much else going on in your life since her.

She has told you she has no desire to date you anymore and unlike you, she managed to move on and despite having loved you.

IMO you will only be making a fool of yourself if you pursue it further.

This story reminds me of me and my ex from nearly 15 years ago. He left me too and despite I'd loved him and leaving me became his biggest regret too.
Shame you guys don't see a good thing when you actually have it.
04-01-11, 03:06 AM
Raze

Quote:

Originally Posted by adviceneeded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm 28 and I think about my ex constantly. We dated for 2 years more than 3 years ago. It was a tumultuous relationship, but she loved me so much and she told me that all the time. Things kept adding up, and I eventually broke it off with her. (Neither of us cheated, but we were both very immature).

I think you broke it up with her because you were scared that she was coming on too strong. I'm pretty sure she wasn't the one who was immature from what you are saying. She knew what she wanted. You didn't. There's probably more to this though then you are willing to say. There must have been other things in the relationship that weren't working. To say that you broke up with her because she say she loved you too much is a bit ridiculous. I'm sure there's more to it than that. You should probably give us the details as to why it wasn't working.

Quote:

Originally Posted by adviceneeded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I ran into her on New Years at a club, and it tore me apart seeing her. I was even thinking about her at the time, and sure enough, I saw her come out of a crowd of people. I tapped her arm and said hello, and we spoke very briefly. I later sent her a text message to see if she was still in the club, and she replied saying that she wasn't interested in dating me anymore. I left the club just as they were doing the countdown.

It's usually really awkward when you bump into your ex. She said she didn't want to date you probably because she knows that it won't work. You are probably thinking about her because you are lonely in desperate. It's common for someone to get lonely after a breakup.

Quote:

Originally Posted by adviceneeded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It kills me inside knowing that I let a beautiful girl go (that loved me so much ) 3+ years ago. I tear up just writing that line. Some of the best memories that I have are with her, and that is the one chapter of my life that I will never forget. I constantly look into my future and see myself with her.

You really need to think about everything that happened. You're not giving us enough details as to why you broke it off with her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by adviceneeded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think I need serious help because I can't get her off my mind, not even from my dreams. She knows that I want to date her again, but what she doesn't know is that I am deeply in love with her STILL. Her birthday is coming up and I don't know if I should just come clean and tell her that I love her and really want her back. What I'm afraid of is her revealing stories of the men she has dated, telling me the number of people she has had sex with, and sharing intimate stories that are not my business. This would destroy me from the inside out.

You don't need serious help. You need to find someone else. It would be meaningless to tell her that you love her now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by adviceneeded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I thought that when you leave someone you get over them with time...

You do, but it doesn't disappear like magic. You need to put yourself out there and make yourself available to other women. You think about the relationship because it's familiar to you. However, I guarantee that you will find someone else. Then, once you start a relationship with that person, you will say, "Wow, this relationship is better than my last one."
04-01-11, 03:44 AM
red_sparrow

my cousin's BF broke it with her because she was coming on too strong.
04-01-11, 03:58 AM
girl68

Quote:

Originally Posted by adviceneeded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What I'm afraid of is her revealing stories of the men she has dated, telling me the number of people she has had sex with, and sharing intimate stories that are not my business. This would destroy me from the inside out.

This won't happen. It won't happen because she doesn't want you back and would be smart enough to not tell you her sexcapades.

I don't think you're in love with her. I think you can't let go but I can't tell you why exactly but there is a reason. Maybe you should see a therapist. I think this is more of you can't move on because you don't want to not becasue you love your ex.
04-01-11, 04:10 AM
Gratedwasabi

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This won't happen. It won't happen because she doesn't want you back and would be smart enough to not tell you her sexcapades.

I don't think you're in love with her. I think you can't let go but I can't tell you why exactly but there is a reason. Maybe you should see a therapist. I think this is more of you can't move on because you don't want to not becasue you love your ex.

Agreed. First of all, she clearly told you she doesn't want to date you. Period. Finality. Nothing open ended about that. Why would you confess to her? She doesn't share your feelings and is likely to shoot you down pretty harshly since you failed to listen to her first rejection.

Next, you're just infatuated with the idea of the girl and/or of not being lonely. She will never take you back. Move on.
04-01-11, 04:11 AM
devonbrown

I agree with girl68. You need to figure out a way to move on for yourself and for her.
I disagree with girl68 that she won't tell you about her relationships she has had since you. I can definitely see a scenario where she will tell you those things, but only to get you to finally back off. They will be malicious and she will try to hurt you with them. But that is only because she will feel compelled to do so if you keep pursuing her.

She texted you that she isn't interested in dating you anymore... She obviously knows you still care about her otherwise that wouldn't have been her response. Telling her that you still love her on her birthday would be pointless and probably very uncomfortable for you both.

There is not much to say about why you broke up since you didn't include much detail. However, I will say that since it was over 3 years ago, the reasons for breaking up are less important than why you aren't together now. And those reasons have to do with what you have done in your life the last 3 years and what she has done the last 3 years. You are at different places in your lives now. it is important to find someone who fits your life now and not one who fit it 3 years ago.

Good luck.
04-01-11, 04:22 AM
Saya

Why would you want to confess to her your feelings when she doesn't want to date you anymore?
I agree with others but, if you end up confessing your feelings, she will hurt your feelings so much...
04-01-11, 10:24 PM
RockNRoll

You got your answer from her already.
You can't make her love you again. You can't change her mind by confessing your love.
It would be sad and pointless. Do you want to make her to sort of "break up" with you?

I am really sorry that you struggle so much, but it looks like you need a kick in this situation.
It is difficult to accept certains things, but there are times when we must move on even when it hurts. Since it's been a long time and you still can't move on, you are right, you need some help with it. I wonder, what have you been doing relationship wise these 3 years?

Concentrate on sorting yourself out, perhaps look for more professional advice. You should want to move on yourself. Once you fix yourself, you can look for another girl who will be really special for you.
05-01-11, 05:24 AM
devonbrown

RockNRoll makes a VERY good point, that you need to be concentrating on yourself. You have to feel confident, whole, and good with yourself in order to move forward with anyone.

Good luck!
05-01-11, 10:18 PM
BeneathTheSun

I was a in a very similar situation. When it ended with my first girlfriend I felt that I've had the best days of my life. Everybody kept telling me that "It will be alright in time" and this made me so angry I wanted to punch them in the teeth. What I've come to realise is that they were speaking the truth. And I've heard a quote that pretty much changed my life and it went something like this: "The only way to true happiness is being able to live with conditions that you cant change" and this is true in your case. You can't get this girl back, this is not in the cards anymore. This is something you cannot change. What you can do is start again, this is always in the cards. And nomatter who you're with you can always find someone who's better for you. So why would you be the expectation that got it right in his first try?

Every morning the world begins again, you are here in the world and you have two options, to participate in all it's glory or to remeniss about days that are long gone. Adapt the mindset that you deserve good things and go out with this idea in your mind, before you know it events will unfold that makes this true. I've faith in you, now I'm just asking you to do the same.
06-01-11, 03:50 AM
Dean Kaplan

Quote:

Originally Posted by adviceneeded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I thought that when you leave someone you get over them with time...

When did you guys breakup? How long was the "No contact" phase after you broke up? The symptoms that you're describing sounds like the breakup was either fairly recent, or that you continued to contact her here and there since the breakup, thus not allowing yourself to heal. If it's been years since you've broken up and you're still having these heavy emotions, that's quite odd, and seeking professional help may not be such a bad idea.