Hurt, confused and desperately need a guy's perspective ... please!
I recently broke up with my 'boyfriend' of 2.5 years, for what I think is the final time ... but I need perspective. I know this is long, but please bare with me ...
He and I have been seeing each other for the last 2.5 years. He was never willing to commit to being in a relationship (for the first year we were both working through some things and trying to growing as individuals). We were VERY attracted to each other and had a VERY strong sexual chemistry/connection and a really strong friendship and talked all the time - leaned on each other. As time went on, obviously I wanted more from the relationship because I fell in love with him. Thereafter, we would go through periods of not talking for 1-3 months and then we would text, talk and it would start up again, until we didn't speak again and the cycle went on. During our last non-talking period I started seeing someone else. During that time he re-connected with me and I told him I had a boyfriend. He was sad. We spoke occasionally as friends but I still followed through with my relationship (unfortunately it ended). During the entire time, the EX-of 2.5 years-non-committal-'boyfriend' suddenly started telling me he loved me, how things would be if we were together, calling me all the time, wanting to hang out, dropping by the house, etc. He did a complete 180. After my break up we started hanging out again (limiting the sex), lengthy 5-6 hour phone conversations (he was a big talker) etc. He seemed very interested, but still would not commit to anything further. He always said the same thing - "You know how I feel about you. There's so much between us. This is hard for me too. I'm not in a place to give you a relationship because I'm finally getting to a healthy place (this part is true) and I don't even know yet what I have to give within a relationship" This went on for a few months. We were friends (sleeping together only a couple of times because he was insisting on trying to be 'just friends') for a while but then things fell back into the gray zone where we were acting like a couple but were not together. We had a frank discussion about it. I told him I didn't want to be in a gray zone with anyone anymore, I deserved more, wanted a relationship and could not offer friendship because my feelings were too involved. He flat out told me that he was not in a place to see anyone, didn't know what he had to offer and that if I was then great - we would have to respect each others position if we were to remain in each others lives. He also told me how not talking to me doesn't work because he needs me in his life and if we don't talk, we miss each other and the cycle begins again. We ended up having a really petty disagreement after this conversation and WHAM - I get an very curt email (no hello, no good-bye) telling me off for our disagreement, how disappointed he is that I didn't handle it better (I emailed him instead of calling him to talk about it) and that "he's saddened that it seems we can't be a healthy part of one anther's lives".
He sent me this email on New Year's eve and it's the last I've heard from him. I gave it 3 tries (that's my rule) and just left it alone. However, I have since found out that (1) less than 1 week after he sent me this email, he joined eharmoney and has started dating again ... right after he told me he can't date me because he doesn't know what he has to offer and (2) he's committed to being in a long-term healthy relationship. WTF?
How do you guys see this? Was I his stepping stone all that time? Was he using me to get to a better place in his life? Is that why he wanted to just be friends in the end? Why tell me that he loves me? How can someone be so insensitive?
I'm just trying to understand this to get my own closure on the situation.
