Afraid my girlfriend will end things.. soon
As of halloween, 2010, I started hanging out with this girl who goes to my college. We hit it off immediately after I went out with her and some of her friends one night and ended up talking a lot and hanging out frequently for the following three-day weekend that ensued.
The catch here - she's my neighbor (lives in the off-campus house behind mine) and currently lives in a house with four good friends, one of whom is her ex-boyfriend of 1.5 years. They broke up that march but had already signed the lease to their house and chose to stick out the living situation because of that reason.
We started dating on December 4th, after a bit over a month of sleeping together (since our situation was so convenient and she really enjoyed my company, I was always willing to walk on across my backyard to her house and she mine). That includes sex. I'm relatively inexperienced when it comes to relationship pacing and stuff, and one night only two weeks after hanging out she insisted on it and I liked the girl so much (and as a deprived man..)I complied.
When we hang out things are perfect. She really accepts me for who I am (skinny, short, not like her previous boyfriends), and I like her so much more for that. The first month and a half of time we spent together easily seemed like so much more than that because we were always with each other, space wasn't really an issue.
Fast forward a little. December 20th rolls around and we're on great terms in the beginnings of a relationship. The only thing lingering in the back of my head is her ex-boyfriend and if there is still a spark of any sort there.
That day in the shower with her, I make a stupid comment (I am goofy and it sometimes gets me in trouble) about buying her something at the supermarket that day and she goes cold on me immediately. Needless to say I regretted what I had said immediately but she decided on a whim to break up with me the next morning, right before winter break.
I text her and tell her I have no reason to stay in Rhode Island, where I go to school, and that i'm leaving for christmas break that night. She tells me to wait and that she just needs time. I wait. I wait. I go back over to her house later that night and she apologizes. Everything is good again.
Alright, now my real douchebagy self comes out. I really didn't know what to think when she broke up with me in an instant right before winter break, so two days later and two days before we're to leave for home on good terms I pick up her phone while she's in the shower and read only two texts. They were to her ex, on the day she broke up with me, saying "want to sex? i'm really stressed out."
I go cold on her immediately after this and play it off like i'm sick. We're lying in bed and she says my heart is beating really fast (it was.) and that she knows something is wrong. I play it off, and she eventually drops it. Things are good for the next two days before we leave for break, I get over it thinking that the 'really stressed' part was because she liked me so much that breaking up with me hurt her and the only option she had to turn to was her ex for whatever reason. it bothered me, but I got over it.
Winter break rolls around and we're talking a lot. She even comes to visit me and my family for four days and has a great time with me. We really are great together and i'm happier than i've ever been before when i spend time with her.
Two days after she goes back to pennsylvania where she lives from visiting me SHE goes cold on ME. Three days go by, she doesn't respond to phone calls or texts. Eventually texting me back when I say i'm worried that she's fine and not to worry. She says she's afraid of getting attached to someone again. I understand, she apologizes again and we're back on good terms.
We decide to go back to school together a week before classes start to relax and keep our relationship strong. Two days in, I notice she's texting her ex-boyfriend. I bring it up to her last night while we're in bed and she says she still has feelings for him, citing the night she 'broke up' with me before break as the night when he was the only one she could talk to (but i know they had sex, not just talked).
Last night we had a deep discussion about her ex-boyfriend and stuff. She genuinely says how happy I make her and how she likes me so much and I say the same to her, but that i'm still worried about her ex. She says that she's been considering not seeing anybody at all and that she hasn't been fair with me. She cries a bit, i wipe away her tears, and she eventually agrees with me that we've been spending SO much time together as neighbors that space might be the necessary thing to help us out. I might want to mention now that she's incredibly low-maintenence (she says this herself) and doesn't even often like going out to dinner and stuff. I've taken her out three times in our relationship and she's been fine with it. We like lying in bed, being cute with each other, cooking each other food and watching tv and talking.
Well right now it's almost a day after that discussion and i'm at my house, she's at hers. She's on an intense work out schedule for the upcoming softball season as a scholarshipped athlete and said that after she got back from her workout today she wants some time for herself, I comply. Problem? I came to school a week early to spend time with her, not alone in my house where my roommates aren't even going to be present for another 6 days. I called her today and said I wanted to take her out to dinner or at least eat with her, she said she's going to heat up some spaghetti and call me later.
I'm going to hang out with her later tonight, I know that for a fact. I'm taking the dinner thing as a sure sign that she doesn't want to see me as soon as I want to see her. If she breaks up with me, officially, i will go crazy in my house right behind hers without a single friend in the entire state to see or talk to until sunday.
I don't even know what question i'm asking here, but my overall point is this: We've been seeing each other for not such a long duration, but we hang out so often and sleep together every night that it's like we're both more invested in this relationship than normal. She's gone cold on me twice, but has apologized both times for it. She has had her share of moodswings, I've done the same to a lesser extent. THE problem is that when we're together and being absolutely genuine with each other, there is no denying that we have the most enjoyable time ever. Literally. It's great, and I don't want it to stop. This is my first legitimate relationship and I do not want it to end.
