he said he was going to ask me to marry him but i screwed it up...

I am exhausted. I am 27 and have been with my boyfriend whom is 28 for nearly 5 yrs, we have lived together for over 4 yrs. we moved in together way too soon but did so bc his family situation left him with no where to go. Nearly a year ago I discovered he was presuing 3 other women on facebook. i was extreamly hurt bc he spoke full heardily to these women, and complemented them more than he has ever complemented me. when I confronted him he gave me bs excuses so I moved out. 2 months later we talked about it in more detail. At that time told him I never pressured him to talk about marriage bc I know it makes him unconfortable but that prior to this incident he is the only person i have ever wanted to someday marry and begin a family with and if he did not feel the same to let me know now. he said he loves me and someday wants to marry me, once we are ready. so i asked him to deleat theses women from his account and i forgave him for his facebook confessions. i have not brought the situation up since. untill last weekend when I discovered he only deleated one girl and is stillil trying to meet up with the other for coffee. now i know he hasnt cheated on me but his emails sound so sincere, he truely sounds like meeting this one person for coffee would make him estatic! hurt again, i take it upon myself to delete this girls from his account. then, l he confronts me before I even get a chance to bring it up. he tells me they were not the same girls, and that i was out of line. so i move out again. now he is admitting they are the same girls and gives more bs excuses.at first he tries to flip it on me and call me insecure. now, a week later he claims he was going to ask me to marry him but i screwed it up. im exhausted!! i love him and want to be with him but why am i always getting the blame. and seriously if you want to ask someone to marry you, dont you just do it?? i feel i cant trust him. and dont even beleive he was going to ask me to marry him. yet i dont want this to be the end of us. what should i do?? im exhausted!! for 5 yrs ive given it 300 percent and he gives hardly anything, even sexually, he expects me to do all the work. yet i still love him more that anything else in this world and would do it all over again. what should i do?? continue to give and take all the blame until there is nothing left of me?? or move on, as much as it hurts...

Is control controlled by its need to control? That seems to be the theme to me. 5 years is alot of investment. He wants to have his cake and eat other cake. Did you have enough time to gain perspective when you moved out?

Look out for yourself. He doesnt seem to be genuinely doing so.

yes control has always been an issue. i have gained perspective and when i told him that i'm not moving in with anyone ever again until i am married. he relpies with " i put a downpayment on a ring and was planning on asking you to marry me, before you screwed things up"... BS right??

He's taking you for a prize fool IMO.

Your long term, live in partner is chatting other women up online, showering them with compliments and arranging to meet them for coffee and then he calls you 'insecure'????...LMFAO!!!!!

No, he wasn't going to ask you to marry him and I doubt he will ever will.

He just wants to be able to continue to do what he wants and without any whinging or nagging from you.

He's keeping his options wide open and he's making do with you and until he meets someone else.

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Originally Posted by natilie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

yes control has always been an issue. i have gained perspective and when i told him that i'm not moving in with anyone ever again until i am married. he relpies with " i put a downpayment on a ring and was planning on asking you to marry me, before you screwed things up"... BS right??

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So you screwed things up and because you don't like that he chats up other women???

LOL..

He sounds a right CREEP!

The only thing you screwed up is not leaving sooner. He wasn't going to buy you a ring, and he wasn't going to ask you to marry him. He just liked the convenience.

BTW - you wouldn't have wanted to marry him anyway, under those circumstances, would you?

exactly :) thanks for the advice. I feel the same just needed an outside perspective. I've told him i'm not moving back in and that I would be willing to work on "us" if he was willing to try harder. the balls in his court. after 5 yrs of trying to please him, imma do me for now :)

Don't let him waste any more years of your life. Start dating other guys.

I just don't understand how some people are using Facebook so stupidly. Why would you make publicly hit on other woman on Facebook where your girlfriend might read the remarks? It would be like trying to get phone numbers from other women during a date with your girlfriend. Is Facebook confusing for some people, like they just don't comprehend the basic functionality?

What a manipulative dickhead.

He used a proposal of marriage as a weapon to make you feel bad. Whether he was truly planning to ask you or not, he shouldn't have thrown it in your face like that. He probably pulls that kind of stunt on you all the time. "Oh yeah? You're mad because I never clean up after myself? Well, I was planning on cleaning the entire house as a surprise for you but YOU RUINED IT!"

I don't think you should even try working on things. He doesn't sound like a good person.

While I don't think it was right of you to go onto his Facebook and mess around with things, he did give you probable cause to be suspicious. (But I'm still wondering how you found out in the first place..?..)

At any rate, get rid of this guy. Infidelity does not deserve a second chance.

What's that saying about past performance being the best predictor of future performance? Once a cheater...

He thinks that if he puts a ring on your finger you'll shut up. You won't and you shouldn't. He has screwed up twice already... I'm not convinced he'll ever sever ties with FB women.