never had a girlfriend

Hey,

I know I shouldn't pity party this, but I need to express this to someone. Sorry if i posted in the wrong forum.

I am 22 years old and have never had a girlfriend. This never bothered me until recently. I just never seem to get it right with girls. I'm not shy at all and usually can be the life of the party and just have fun. I have kissed plenty of women and tried seeing them, but that's exactly where it ends. I try seeing them for a few days/weeks, and they end up falling for another guy or just not wanting anything to do with me. I do not want to sound like a conceited person, but I have been told by many people (guys and girls alike) that I look really good and desirable. I work out a decent amount, have been doing martial arts for 8+ years, clean and dress myself well,and eat healthily. So, I have been told I'm physically attractive.

I just feel like a complete loser :( Everyone seems to have girlfriends or have had girlfriends and I'm the only person who doesn't and hasn't. Every time a talk about sex comes up or dating problem, I can't add any input really. I've only had it 3 times. It gets so frustrating and I've cried about it for quite a while now. It's really the first time in my life I've been this depressed for soooo long. It's affecting how I think.

Another problem that doesn't help is I had sex with my best friend who I have been in love with for 5+ years. It felt so great and right, until she told me it was a mistake and to remain being friends. We're still very close/open friends, but I get jealous when she talks about other guys. Yesterday, she told me a military man from across the world (they grew up together since they were 5 to about 13) asked her to come visit him for a week in Europe. He would pay for everything. (Stay, visit, etc.) She confided in me that she will end up sleeping with him because of how close they were, how attractive he is, and how much they've just been talking. She had a crush on him since like they were 9 or 10. This just plain hurts, and I cried for a really long time when I found this out. This man has had so little time with her and he is able to pull this garbage off and I'n not? What the hell is wrong with me that she can't appreciate something beautiful she has right in front of her? Her parents and grandparents (both sides) have met me, discussed that I'm even a viable candidate for marriage, and laughed at her for her own stupidity in not seeing this. I want to cry right now just thinking about this :(

My problem is I need to get over this girl and I need to feel romantic value. I feel worthless. I feel no one values my existence. I feel robbed of my sexuality as a man. I feel no one wants to even venture a shot with me because I'm some horrible, disgusting sub-human being. I've been turned down by my best friend (who we have so much in common) and girls that I just can't seem to stay with other than a random hook-up. I feel rage, sadness, anxiety, and hopelessness.

People explain to me that school is what is most important now and I should just focus on that. I'm going to become a Physician Assistant most likely and I'll be done with school once and for all when i'm about 26. I can't go on for 4 years without any romantic interaction! I just feel like everyone else can have a girlfriend through the toughest times in their lives. Why shouldn't I be given that opportunity? Why can't I have someone like everyone else deserves? People have school, sports, outside activities, work, and a million other things and can have girlfriends. Some of them don't even appreciate their girlfriends that they have...(and of course that draws the girls closer to them, ironically).

I'm tired of hearing the old "someone will come along when you least expect it" because I just can't believe it anymore. I'm so young, I should be having the time of my romantic life, but I just can't seem to find any girl who is open to the idea.

Just need to get that out, loveforum. Any input is accepted. Guy or girl. Positive or negative. I don't care. Just something maybe. I have been blessed with everything else in my life except romance. Thanks for reading this.

I kind of know how you feel. I've had boyfriends, but they never loved me, just kept me around for their convenience. Even was in love with my best friend also, but I was just his shorty on the side, so I know the pain of seeing & hearing them talk about other people they love. I won't say that it'll get better, cause I wanna punch someone in the face when they say that to me, but you should just focus on school for now. That's what I'm trying to do.

speed dating, singles bars and blind dates.
you shoudnt look for someone to fit the job description, you should wait for someone to come along who totally wows you then makes you want to be in a relationship with them. looking for "a girlfriend" is the exact reason one doesnt just walk along - the same exact thing is happening with my best (girl) friend at the moment. shes looking for "the boyfriend" instead of considering her options.
its a total bummer that your best friend is blind. but sadly life does that to you and the best thing for you to do is ignore her when she talks about him and distance yourself just a little bit.

but seriously just check out places that are labelled "singles only" because perseverance is the only thing that will get you meeting new girls :)
oh and stop berating yourself! you know youre a catch, you need to walk around looking like you know it. pretend, at least, youre arrogant for a while and see what it does. unfortunately girls are drawn to men who ignore them and think they are the s#!t. but really, if you keep walking around with a messed-up head youre just going to reek of negativity and that pushes people away before you even speak to them.

last thing, i promise, dont talk to girls about how many sexual partners youve had or that youve never had a girlfriend during the first few dates. its unnecessary information that will just make them think "Why?! whats wrong with him that he wouldnt have???" when the truth is theres nothing wrong with you, its the women you engage.

.....good luck :)

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Originally Posted by mishful [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

! you know youre a catch, you need to walk around looking like you know it. pretend, at least, youre arrogant for a while and see what it does. unfortunately girls are drawn to men who ignore them and think they are the s#!t. but really, if you keep walking around with a messed-up head youre just going to reek of negativity and that pushes people away before you even speak to them.

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nah i dont think that's true. you'll just be labeled as a snub to the girls. the hot chicks will not talk to you cos they know they're a catch too and usually wont approach a man. you should approach girls, let your charming personality through then stay at a distance rinse and repeat. kinna like fishing, dont let the line be too tight or it will break.
The cool arrogant approach works if your very good looking/rich (in relative terms) if not you'll just attract girls who are desperate and ugly.

Dating is a numbers game. Like interviewing for a job position. Concentrate on school first and foremost. Ask any and ever girl you are interested in on a date. Find out whether or not there is a spark. If you find a girl, don't think of her as "the one". The "one" will most likely not be your first girlfriend. Have fun with her, be yourself. If she latches on to you, then you have a good one, but you've got to keep looking. Don't give up.

Thank you all for the input. I really needed to just talk to other people about this that maybe had experience or just share a story. Part of my problem is the fact I've never had a girlfriend and the stereotypes and expectations society places on men. Part of my problem ( a huge part) is I fell in love with my best friend and she did not see it the way I saw it. It just hurts to know that you can be so close...so close...and yet so far from it all. Knowing that I could be become a filthy rich, successful person with looks, prestige, and a myriad of other things, and she wouldn't even give me a second thought....only because we met and formed a friendship bond instead of a romantic bond. These two problems feed off each other and literally ruin my thinking throughout the day.

Once again, thanks alot, loveforum. I hope I find someone someday.

I can relate. I'm currently 20 years old and I've only had 2 relationships. I've turned down two girls that liked me but now I kind of regret it. I'm always looking for the "one" and sometimes I even think my ex's may possibly be the "one" still..sadly. I need to do the same by just going out and meeting new girls. I complain that I'm not dating but at the same I'm picky so that doesn't make much sense.

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Originally Posted by smallnshort247 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm always looking for the "one" and sometimes I even think my ex's may possibly be the "one" still..sadly. I need to do the same by just going out and meeting new girls. I complain that I'm not dating but at the same I'm picky so that doesn't make much sense.

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Same here, I am so picky and always comparing other girls to my exs that i feel like i'll never meet anyone good enough. I'm attractive and so I guess I expect a really attractive woman and I won't settle for less. The problem is i'm shy and it's hard for me to meet people, so that adds to my hopeless feeling and feelings of running back to an ex.

And you to Latinking, don't feel so bad. I didn't have sex until I was 21 years old. Having sex 3 times is better than none. At least you have some experience. Also with both of my girlfriends, they didn't enjoy it. With my first one, I didn't enjoy it all that much, and with the second I absolutely loved it and so did she, but it was not a priority in her life at all and I was the one who had to initiate it all the time, not to mention half the time I did, she wasn't even in the mood. Girls are retarded lol.

Oh and about the friend thing, that is a situation that would eat me up in inside. I really feel for ya. My advice would be to tell her how it hurts you, but then realize her response might be an unsympathetic and non-understanding one, which is really going to hurt you. Women suck at being understanding of sensitive guys feelings. And the fact that some rich douchebag gets the girl would really have me going insane. Be strong, and I would definitely try not to talk to her anymore, despite her being your best friend. Because after the sex, any type of conversation about her life involving other men is going to hurt you. It's best to just get away from it all if you don't want to keep getting hurt.

Hope that helps. I'm sure you will meet someone who appreciates you one of these days. I am hoping on the same for myself.

Get out there and date. With the internet it's easier than it has ever been. I was dating last year at the age of 46 and it was fun. Last September I met Sophie and we're an item.
Never ever give up. And be yourself.

thanks, guys. I feel for you all. Yeah, I just get down on myself way too much. It's funny how a million people could tell you you're hot, sexy, sensitive, marriage material, etc, yet, the one person who you wish said these things to you doesn't see you as a valuable romantic item for herself. It just plain sucks. The emphasis for guys to have sex is really annoying in society and it annoys the s*** out of me, personally. It's part of the reason I get so down on myself because I have trouble balancing being a "nice guy" who doesn't go around sleeping with women, and being able to attract women who are catches. (They want guys with experience).
Anyway, thanks again for the new inputs. I hope you all find your special someones in life. From the way it sounds (on the forums at least), you are all nice guys like me. We all deserve happiness too.

I would check out some of the PUA literature, like fastseduction.com if it's still up.

But seriously bro, women seem all great and wonderful when you don't have one. But after you've had about 2 dozen of'em you begin to ask yourself "What's so great about'em?"