orgasim issue

my guy and I have been together nearly 5 years. the foreplay is the best but the actual pentatration has always been a work in progress.
I love him so i was always willing to work on it. but, i was hoping it would have been corrected by now! at first he didn't want to talk about it. i guess he was embarrassed. esp after that time when we first got together, he went soft causing the condom to get lost inside me. fishing for it was quite the bonding experiance :( i had never been in this situation before and bc he was so embarresed and defensive, i began to think he had a medical issue like, erectile disfunction.
i still tried to make the best of it and went out to by sex toys. thinking we would just have to try different things to improve the situation :)
well this just caused further embarrasment. so i decided to leave it alone and not force him to talk about it, hoping it would soon go away or that he would soon be willing to communicate
it's not like i never orgasim. the problem is he cant keep the erection long enough or hard enough for me to orgasim during penatration
he can and does please me either orally and/ or with this fingers. so our normal routine has consisted of a lot of forplay, usually initiated be me then he gets me worked up until i orgasim (w/o penatration), then i finish on top tell he gets his.
well everything was working out fine until recently when he beagn to stop the forplay before i orgasimed. so then i began having difficulties getting myself aroused. i guess you can only fool your body so many times. and my is obviously tried of being worked up just to be disappointed.
the other day during an intimate moment he showed his frustrarions and stated that i'm not a sexual person. that he is more sexual than i am. initially i replied harshly but remeber this has been building up for nearly 5 yrs now. i reminded him that i never have ever orgasimed when he penetrated me and that from the begining i tried to fix it by any means necessay like w/ sex toys. or talk about it , but he refused.
i'm also told him i am releived he finally want to address it. he says should have to tell me what to do. that i should just know while we arre in the monent. i relpied w/ a no we need to communicate what we like and dislike and told him everything he could do to get me off.but he still hasnt told me what i can do differently to help him stay hard!
i've never had this issue before but in the past with other partners sex was a game of give and take. we were constantly rolling on top of the other trying to out do the other.
my current boyfriend always refuses when i try to get him to roll on top. it's like he refuses to WORK FOR IT. i'm sick of aways being on top and never getting off. what can i do to make him want to try harder?? or communicate to me at all about what he wants sexually??
in his defense he did try to be on top after our talk, however he was like an old man w/ hip aches. i felt sorry for him and took over as usual.
why do we seem to have the the best forplay chemistry in the world but zero in riding one another??
how can i discuss this with him when he keeps geting offended and blaming me??

or maybe i should be working on getting myself off while riding him...

this isn't your fault at all! as you said, you tried to do anything possible to fix the issue, but it seems that he is just embarrassed and is blaming you due to his frustration and embarrassment. I don't really know what the problem is, maybe he just has an issue with keeping his dick hard long enough during sex? or it could be erectile dysfunction or something. a few times when my ex wouldn't drink enough water, this happened to him, but it sounds like this happens to you more often than not. after 5 years though, this has obviously become a problem for you two, so I suggest really sitting him down and talking about it. he might be uncomfortable and embarrassed, but he can't keep blaming you for it!

yeah i feel like this might be a medical issue....i don't know what his age is, but for most younger guys it's not a problem to keep erect during sex. a long time ago i had an ex who claimed he couldn't stay hard with condoms- however, he was kind of an asshole so i don't know if this is a valid issue for men or just an excuse he was using because i insisted on condoms.

I hope you can see what's happening here.
HIS issue isn't your fault. If he cannot face you, nor his issue for becoming lake flaccid then it's clear
he has an issue (not you) Foreplay doesn't require penile penetration so it's easy to finger, dine in (or eat out) and to get
you to cum and even orgasm without a penis...His issue is unknown and since he hides it from you -it's even more F'd up for you.

The solution: is the issue: to sit down and address it.
If he cannot tell you: now you are being with someone who not only fails to satisfy you: but also fails to confide in you.

Last, you cannot make someone be something/someone they're not.
If you are a sex machine and he is essentially out of order: you two aren't a match and your
sexual expectations will never be met.