Trying to help this girl deal with her past
I met this girl in October but we didn't really start to be interested in each other until November. We never became actually official but we were basically in a relationship together. Everything seemed fine like she really liked me from what I could tell and well feelings started to grow massively the only problem is what its now basically February and I've fallen for her but she said she lost feelings for me and doesn't think it's enough to warrant a relationship. From the start she told me she wasn't ready for relationships as she still has issues to deal with, but this seemed to go away when she wanted a relationship with me later on (like a month later) but was still kinda scared...basically she had some doubts. A few days ago she told me until she deals with her issues she can't be in a relationship right now.
After a lot of talking she revealed to me her past and why she feels so messed up. Basically she dated this guy who was her first real relationship like she lost her virginity to this guy, claims she was so innocent before she met him, and I assume loved him. She tells me they always fought and most of it was pretty much bad. When she broke up with him a while later he would call her for bootycalls and she figured if she agreed then he would take her back so for months and months she did this and couldn't accept the fact she was then being used for sex. She called it quits until the summer where she dated her another ex of hers but then would still hang out with the first guy and ended up cheating on her boyfriend at that time. She claims to have had no self control at the time and it wasn't even really about the sex for her she just wanted that first guy to like her back. In a nutshell this guy used her for sex (I can't say took advantage since she agreed to this) and treated her like crap for such a long time. She stopped talking to this guy in October and cut him off when we started liking each other in November. In December she wished him a happy bday and claimed that was it.
Now, she seems so confused. I asked her if today he wanted you back would do go back? And she took a while to answer when it should be a quick "no" right? She said when she thinks of it she thinks of the good times however she says there are more bad than good. I also asked if he called you would you answer? She said "yes, to see what he has to say since they havent talked for so long"...I'm not sure what kind of advice to give her and she wants my help. This guy somehow still has a hold on her and they broke up nearly a year ago. She said she's weak and has no self control so if he asked her to chill she might say yes. She said how being with me helped her the most to get over it and even tho she was saying yes to those questions she said because of me she would say no but I told her she needs to say no because she wants to..not for me.
She recognizes this guy is scum but for some reason she has major problems letting go. She wants to be with me and make it work but can't because of her feelings for this other guy. It's not even that strong she claims but she can't be with me at all until all feelings are gone so it's just me and her.
And this is like the condensed version so I apologize for the length.
What do you think I should tell her? She said getting everything off of her chest as not even her best friends knows this has made her like me more and has somewhat helped.
