Does she like me or not? Need advice!
Hello!
Hope you can help me with my problem, it's driving me insane.
I'm a 19-year old university student and I graduated from college in June this year.
My first year in college I became friends with a girl in my class. Her name is Emma and at first I felt really attracted to her. Nothing happened though, we stayed friends. I never even made a move. I got a girlfriend during my 2nd year at college and the relationship with her ended in August this year.
That's pretty much the whole background story.
Now let me tell you about my relation with Emma...
We have been friends for about four years now (we do three years at college in my province in Denmark). The first year, we weren't that close at all, but from the 2nd year we began to develop a much closer friendship. In our third year she told me that I was her best male friend - she hasn't had one before.
We never hung out in our free time but we always hung out at college. It was great. We would laugh and joke about everything and talk about serious stuff as well. When we finished college, in June this year, we stayed friends. I was supposed to be moving to Holland to live with my girlfriend but I was dumped around August. Emma was the one who helped me getting thru the whole process... it was well hard but she helped me a lot. From when college had ended (June, 2004), we'd been calling each other about two times every week. We'd speak about everything. But when I got dumped, we started talking more and more. Almost three or four times per week. About a month ago, I thought to myself that it would be great to start seeing her. Not dating, just start hanging out with her as a friend. I mean, she is the best girl friend I have ever had!
Anyway, I pretty soon realised that I had feelings for her. And no, it's not one of those rebound things. I'd already had one of those and it lasted for about two weeks. Im 100% sure that I am over my ex at this point. And I'm pretty sure that my feelings for Emma are real. I think about her all the time, she makes me feel all fuzzy and warm inside, you all know what I'm talking about. ;-)
The first time we met, we just watched a film at her house and ate some pizza. Nothing more than that. The second, third and fourth time we did the same. And we played some playstation. Hehe. Anyway, the fifth time we met (at her house) we did the same thing; watched a film and ate. Thing is that... when we were sitting in her sofa waiting for my bus to come, I thought that I'd try and flirt a bit with her. So I started massaging her feet very very gently. She didn't mind at all. Ten minutes later I left and she gave me a hug (not a big deal, we always hug when we say goodbye). I felt pretty happy and thought to myself that I'd try the same thing the next time we saw each other. So anyway, we saw each other again, played some cards and ate some food. From 6PM to about 11PM we played some Playstation and we were both sitting in her comfy chair (it's pretty big so there's room for the both of us in it, and she was the one who asked me if I wanted to sit next to her in it). It felt a bit intimate. We were sitting pretty close (obviously, since it's a one-seat sofa) and it felt really nice. Then we sat down in her bed and started chatting ... and then we realized that I'd missed the last bus. So I had to stay till the first bus got there in the morning which would be about 5 hours later. "Yay" I thought to myself. Hehe. Anyway, we were lying in her bed the whole time and... I thought that I would try to "touch" her again. And it worked. During the whole time from 12 to about 5AM I was stroking her over her arms. Very gently and even passionated. We were very intimate with each other. I also massaged her feet, I stroked her legs and our faces were really close to each other. I wanted to kiss her but didn't... too scared I guess.
I asked her if she felt uncomfertable and she said "no, not at all". I asked her if she liked it and she said "yes". When I left she gave me a hug which felt... a bit more intimate then the usual hugs. Might have been my imagination though.
I was pretty sure by now that she was a bit interested in me. I wasn't sure though but I'd noticed that I'd started to analyze everything that she said and did. We still spoke on the phone as much as we had done before. At least once per day. And she would usually call me.
Anyway... I saw her again, yesterday... We ate some pizza for lunch and then went up to her room. We were both very tired so we just chilled in her room. I tried "touching her" again and she said "not now.". Damn. Anyway, around sixish she layed down right next to me in her bed and I tried to stroke her again... she didn't mind at all. I took it a step further and started stroking her back whilst she was lying on her stomach. From her arse and up to her bra. I asked her if she liked it, she said "yes", if she wanted me to continue, she said "yes". I shifted from stroking her arms to stroking her legs to stroking her back. I asked her if she could "do me", and she did. It was great because we were kind of flirting with our hands. It was on my initiative, though, but she didn't try and stop it for a few minutes. Flirting with our hands = touching, stroking, massaging, you know what I mean.
Anyway, don't know how to put this but... when I left, and she gave me a hug, it was a lot less passionate than the hug that she'd given me the last time. Although that could also have been my imagination. But the funny thing is that she was the one who hugged me but only after we'd been looking at each other in silence for about 10 seconds. You know like they do in films right before they kiss, hehe. She might have felt a bit unfomfertable.
Now, let me tell you a bit about Emma. She is the type of girl who is a bit reserved. She never went out and got drunk when she was 15, she's always been a very calm girl and she's never been in to "la vida loca", the crazy go out and drink lifestyle (although she does go out about once per month). She has never had a guy as a close friend before so therefor I'm not sure if she knows how to handle the situation... Does she know that she's leading me on or does she think that it's usual for guys and girls who are friends to do this? Because it's normally not... normally that is. And also, I find it very hard to believe that she'd see this as a friendship thing. She's not that "loose" at all if that makes sense. I think that she is the type of girl who only wants someone to touch her if she likes that person a lot.
Also, perhaps the most important thing is that she started seeing this guy about the same time as my ex broke up with me. She saw him for about a month but he didn't want a relationship. The stopped seeing each other about a month ago, after having been seeing each other for about two months. She told me that she's felt sad because he didn't want a relationship with her. She's been wondering if there's something wrong with her and I've been doing my best to make her feel better. I asked her yesterday "have you gotten over him yet?" and she said.. "I'd like to think so but probably not since I still ask myself what I did wrong and since I still feel a bit sad because nothing happened". So my guess is that... she doesn't want to do anything with me yet, or she is unsure or.. actually, never mind, Im clueless when it comes to this.
She has also never had a boyfriend or been in a serious relationship before. And the other day she said to me... "it's so annoying, I can't find anyone no matter how hard I look", and I was standing right in front of her, lol. Was she implying that Im not dating material?
Does she like me or not? I mean, if I'd had a girlfriend, or if she'd had a boyfriend, what we'd been doing wouldn't have been appropriate at all. It's too intense and intimate to be counted as a friendship thing. Well, that's what I think anyway.
I'm really lost and hope that you can help me. What should I do? Asking her if she has feelings for me or vice versa is out of the question. That's way too emberrassing. Should I wait or... what? It feels like she's giving me different "signals". Like when we spoke on the phone a few days ago, the day after she'd been out, and she told me that she went to a gay club with her friends and that it felt good to be at a club with gays since they don't try to flirt with her. And then she added, sounding a bit nervous, "but I wouldn't want to do anything with anyone now anyway". Is it because of her ex that she hasn't gotten over or because of me or simply because she wouldn't want to? Why would she tell me that she wouldn't want to do anything with anyone unless she wanted me to KNOW it?
I've been asking my friends for advice but they all say different things. Some tell me to kiss her, some tell me to take it slow and _all_ of my girl friends just complicate everything by analyzing stuff and confusing me. :-\
I would really appreciate if someone could help me because I am extremely confused and lost.
Thank you so much in advance.
Alex
