Seperation from my wife

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03-02-11, 05:50 AM
bond975

Seperation from my wife

Hi All,
Just feel the need to write something so I hope I am not ranting on at all.
Myself and my wife have been together for nearly 11 years (im 17 years younger than her at age 28) and we happily married in 2008 and live in merseyside.
She has a teenager from her previous marriage who is great and is adored by all. We could not have our own children together die to her kidney complications but we successfully adopted and that went through just after the weding which made 2008 for both of us very exciting and the busiest yet. Our daughter is georgeous and would not change her for the world.
Since last year things have not been going well, mainly due to the fact that my wife and my mother do not get on for various reasons - they used to fine.
It is at the point now and has been for some time that she believes it is not working. Believe me, I have done everything possible to try and get us through this and in a way I know she regrets this happening but clearly she thinks it is for the better. I even contacted relate (relationship councilling) and had a couple of appointments.There have been a few times during this that I had been so low, I felt that it was not me anymore, strange maybe but anyone reading this from a similar situation may understand what I mean.I just could not and still cannot sometimes believe that everything I had as a family of four is going to end and my daughter be brought up seperately by both of us. I know it is common these days and I have a step father but even so, it hard for me to think this when its actually happenign to me if you know what I mean!
Things are pending for seperation - the house is on the market. Since the start, I was not going to budge for anythign but now as a close female friend has said and one of a handful of people that know the situation, it looks like im accepting what will happen to me eventually.

I am at the stage of wanting to find a new 'special person' in my life that i can once again love and care for. We sleep in the same bed and most days at the moment are fine except some arguments but we have not had sex for a good 8 months and of course that will not come back as she has said her feeling have a gone and feels she has changed.
Do you think it is right for me to want to search out now for a new woman. I dont wear my wedding ring anymore - I used to but my wife stopped wearing hers and I wanted to keep positive and kept mine on but as the months have past it was taken off and put away.
I might just find it awkward chatting to someone when I have not even moved out yet - I have never dated much before as I found my current partner at work but I am a bit cautious as to how to meet my next partner and best methods to use. Maybe a woman reading this is in a similar situation and would like to private chat with me which if was the case I would be most grateful. Maybe I will find my new soulmate on hear? I just want to be properly in love again with someone, hopefully thats not too much to ask.

Thanks to any guys or girls with any advice etc.
03-02-11, 06:06 AM
IncognitoSir

Enlighten me, why is your mother a deciding factor in your marriage???
03-02-11, 06:24 AM
bond975

it boils down to when we got our daughter. To be hoenstb this will not be 100% of the reason but it is a big factor which I think is the biggest shame ever as, as my wife had said she could feel different when I've moved on and there there really is no going back.
Its just so hard to believe that this would/has/is happening to me - mind you I guess we dont expect things to be rosey until the day we die.

What we have gone through to try and rectify, I cannot list all the actions but I suppose at least I know i have worked dammed hard at trying to repair this. When I do move out, the tears will definately come back, I just know they will.
03-02-11, 07:38 AM
IncognitoSir

What!? You completely side stepped the question.
03-02-11, 08:00 AM
curly1118

Yeah... I don't understand why your mom is a main factor in this. Your mom has nothing to do with you and your relationship. And if she does then something is wrong there. Are you just a momma's boy or what?
03-02-11, 11:01 AM
vashti

I am in the same situation (sort of) as you. I don't believe you should be thinking of dating while living in the same house as your wife, and i think that when you ARE dating, you should keep your kids separate from your dating life until a divorce is pending.
03-02-11, 11:04 AM
OkieDokie

I'm in the same living situation as you. I've been separated for a little over 2 months. We both live in the house we bought together, in separate rooms. It was tough at first but now it is what it is. I see her for maybe an hour or two a day.

As for meeting new women, IF your ready to, just go out and be social. Do stuff YOU like to do and you'll find women that like the same thing, good conversation starter. I met my wife when I was 19, 28 now, so I missed much of the picking up girls fun much like you did.
03-02-11, 11:18 AM
MerryH

Quote:

Originally Posted by IncognitoSir [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What!? You completely side stepped the question.

Haha, He sure did. I'll take a shot at it: His marriage is over because he wouldn't tell his mother to back off. Mom would probably be a bitch to his wife and and he wouldn't defend wifey. OP, you can correct me if I'm wrong.

I don't think you'll find another "special person" until you can learn to not let your mother sabotage your relationships. And you certainly shouldn't start dating while you still sleep in the same bed with your wife. Tacky.