I did not understand what happened
I became friends with this girl because I worked with her at a restaurant and gradually we became good friends. 3 months ago, we exchanged numbers, email, etc. We started talking to each other more often since then. In addition, we started to hang out more often (we would go to malls, etc.. just the two of us), until I told her I was starting to like her more than just a friend. I asked her if she feels the same and she said yes. At this time I wasnt working at the restaurant any more.
She is a simple girl, but has a striking appearance. Shy, too, but a lot of guys ask her out. She once told me how she rejected the guy who asked her out on that day. I didnt really mind listening to it. i even find it funny.
After that, we would just spend time together talking (in person) almost every day, and we went out a few times. Much later on, I told her I love her and I love spending time with her. I gave her time to think about it and days later she told me she loves me as well. We were still trying to make sure of our feelings for each other, so we agreed that we would be "special friends" for the time being -- meaning we're bf/gf in everything but the title.
We spend a lot of time together, do activities together, make out and everything. And I thought, "I think Im ready to officially ask her out".. I wanted to ask her in person, but it was during the time we were both busy so we couldnt see each other for almost a week, but we still chat online. By the end of that week we still haven't seen each other
Three weeks ago.. One night we were chatting and she started to tell me about this guy who asked her out. This time, it was a close friend of hers. Shes known him for more than two years. In the conversation she told me she likes him "a bit" and all that. She didn't know what to answer him.
Being the idiot I am, I decided to tell her my plans of asking her out the next time we saw each other. My memory is vague after this, but didn't end very well in my part. My plan was ruined, but I told her it was her decision to make. Whom she will choose between her close friend and her "special friend". In the end she decided to go with him. I was heartbroken etc etc i dont need to describe it.
I did not understand what happened there. She loves me, but she went with the other guy. We are still friends and still talk but it was never the same.
currently, when i'm not busy, my mind gets filled with thoughts of her. and when i do, i get depressed. I want to forget all about it, but it always kept coming back. I have been doing tons of things to keep me busy, but everytime i try to go to sleep, or doing idle activities, thoughts of her show up. im getting frustrated, and i miss her so bad, but i kept reminding myself that i cant be more than friends with her. I am sandwiched between moving on and dwelling in the past. I am only 18 and i am well aware that i could get tons of other chances with someone else who could actually love me back. but i feel that there is something missing.. like i'm not satisfied with ending it like this.
thanks for reading a long post..
any comments, thoughts, and advice would be appreciated.
