Girl left me, for another guy, guy doesnt want her, came running back. WHAT DO I DO?

Hi, just to make things clear, i posted this link a few days back, and since then, everything flipped, greatly.
It made another kind of issue, thus me making another thread, hope it is ok for girls here.

www . loveforum . net/ask-female-forum/50471-do-you-girls-really-fall-love-even-if-you-have-someone-else.html

so after the incident in the above link, this happened :


alright, it turns out, the guy she's inlove with, likes someone else. not her.

So after knowing that, and after dumping me, and after sending me those real goodbye emails, and after saying that despite all I've done, she just can't fall in love with me, or she just wants us to be friends,,,

she called me, i answered, and she was there on the other line, crying so hard, saying her 'sorry', saying she regret her decision so much, and she will not be able to find someone else like me. and asking for another chance.

that call was so emotional. I was just blank, I didn't say much. I was just saying like, "so that's it, you're just gonna ask me back. it's that easy for you.."

she was just crying..

then, still, i didn't contact her, well because, i still feel mad.

now it's valentines day, and she sent me a text message, asking for a dinner date, and saying she'll be waiting for me whether i'll come or not. and if I don't come, then that's it for her, she'll conclude that i don't want her anymore, and she'll not bother me ever.

Now, i need some advice guys, will i go?
What do i have to do? what do i have to say?
-Because it's kind'a irritating that she's the one giving "ultimatums", like, if you don't come, i'll be gone forever. that's just sh*t.
-and i don't want her to think anymore that one call from her, and i'll come running right back to her again, because that's how i've been before to her. always coming back despite her pushing me away.
-and of course, i still like her much. i just want to change the way she treats me like someone she could throw away, and pick up again if nobody else is paying attention to her.

I'm a guy ... but I'll put in my two cents for what it's worth.

I think your analysis (and solution) is spot on, so i'll just make a few comments on each of your points:

1) The ultimatum: She's trying to shift the responsibility to you by emotional blackmail. Don't let her get away with it, take back control! Call her and tell her you need time to think about meeting with her, and that you'll call her one way or the other in the unspecified future. Take as much time as you need ... then add a week for good measure. Feel free to tell her that her ultimatum was way out of line, and if she insists on a quick answer, tell her you can give it to her now (moving on).

2) Running back: As I already said, you have to take control or she'll s**t all over you. If you choose to take her back, take your time. Make her understand that you are no longer willing to be her fallback. Tell her that the next time she dumps you is the last time ... and mean it.

3) Changing her: You can't change the way she treats you ... how she treats you is her choice, not yours. What you CAN do, however, is make it clear that you are no longer willing to tolerate the way she treats you ... what you're willing to put up with is your choice, not hers. Make it clear what you expect from her, and if she can't or won't meet those expectations, the relationship is over.

Knowing what you should do is the easy part. Actually doing it requires you to take back your cojones and not settle for her bulls**t. Take the phrase "but I love her" totally out of your vocabulary. You'll never be truly happy with someone else controlling your heart and your life ... just remember that. It's possible that she may not want you anymore unless you are willing to be her fallback. If so, better you should know this sooner than later so you can start the tough job of putting the pain of an inevitable final breakup behind you now.

It's your life, and she has no right to conrol it. But remember (to paraphrase Gandhi), she can't control your life unless you give her permission!

Good luck.
Carl.

tell her to **** off

her plans gone wrong and now she is running back to you

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Originally Posted by popoy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

, and i'll come running right back to her again, because that's how i've been before to her. always coming back despite her pushing me away.
-and of course, i still like her much. i just want to change the way she treats me like someone she could throw away, and pick up again if nobody else is paying attention to her.

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Heard enough! dont beat yourself up over this, if she leaves(which she might not leave that soon) then leave it be. She was banking on you coming back, thats why she tested the waters knowing very well that you'd come back. Dont do it. If you are for sure you cant live without her and its been too long to throw it away then give her an ultimatum. if not and you cant see yourself buying the ring for her then let her go. There will be a small slump to get over-go out with friends! and when you least expect it someone spectacular and new will come by ;)
good luck and follow your gut

No...You cannot be in love with two people: it does NOT happen.
What you can do is: bang one, and bang the over and feel nothing for either.
Your mind can bullshit you until you *think* you love one of them: but this isn't true.

She took you back because you were the only safe option.

get this memo dude: SHE will NEVER change for YOU. She will change for herself when she feels she needs to: not when you say.

Unless you relish the thought of being 'second choice' and to some other guy she was 'in love' with and prefers and chose over you, I'm unsure why you are even asking what you should do.

If he came running back, she'd drop you 'shit hot' and to go back to him.

She only wants you and because he didn't want her.

Obviously she is the sort who can't go 2 seconds without a man in her life and NEEDS to have a man in her life and whether she loves him or not.

She will use you and until the next guy who takes her fancy comes along.

Good luck with this one because you will need it.

Your instincts are right. Don't go meet her. Don't take her calls. Don't read her emails. Just don't.

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Originally Posted by NeoSam [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

tell her to **** off

her plans gone wrong and now she is running back to you

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Neo is soooo right here!

Ya she's just using you....time to shut her down.