Torn between two men

Hi there,

I'm after some advice. Please bear with me whilst I try and explain.

I'm 28 and decided to try online dating back in September. I got talking to a few guys. Two really got my attention, whom I decided to arrange dates with. The problem is, it's five months on, and I'm still dating both of these guy, which I know is totally unfair, but it was a situation that could have been avoided. Now, I know I need to decide and commit to one, however both have amazing qualities and as mad as it sounds, I'm crazy about both. Let me try and give a run down. Neither of these guys know about each other.

Guy one - He is HIV positive, however, I do love this guy, and he has now told me he feels the same (yes, if I did really love him, I wouldn't be dating another guy). The fact he is HIV + isn't a deciding factor for me at all. He's an amazing guy, really down to earth and I do find him attractive. He has met a few of my friends, and they have said he seem's like a great guy. This is the guy I've spent alot of time with, staying over at mine, and his, and doing things together. This guy has just been made redundant from his job, however, he is lucky enough to have savings to support himself, and have a life too. He is a typical guy, and not very fourth coming with his feelings.

Guy two - casual dating. We haven't done anything apart from kiss and snuggle up. I'm stupidly attracted to him and we do have a laugh. I'm staying over at his next week, and now the guilt is kicking in. He has a career, and so many quirky things that I find attractive, he has. We email none stop, and is very open with his feelings and very touchy feely (which is what I like).

I'm not expecting anyone to give me the answer, only I can do that. However, if someone can give me another way to think about things, it would be appreciated. I know I shouldn't have let things go on this long, and I'm not sure why. Yes, the guilt is kicking in now. I know I've been selfish.

It's typical, I've been single for 6 years, and had bad luck with men, it's just typical I meet two guys at the same time, that float my boat for total different reasons at the same time.

Usually the case. I've always met guys and when I least expected it and at one stage there were 3 guys I liked....lols.

I dunno what advice to give you. Like you said, only you can make the final choice but one of these guys is gonna be very, very hurt. I'd go for guy number 2....I like a guy who can make me laugh. I also like attention from a guy I like and because if his level of attention is high, it is what reassures me he has a genuine interest - his constant emailing would keep me happy and I like guys who aren't afraid to open up and show feelings...so yeah, guy number 2 would be for me.

Honestly I made my choice for my opinion when you said guy 1 is HIV + ... I know you said that is not a deciding factor for you but that would be a BIG deal to me and that's why I would choose the other guy over him! But since that doesn't matter much to you then just think why you like each one.... think of different scenarios and think about how each guy would react... think about the future...do you want to be married and have kids one day? .... do they? Just write on a piece of paper the pros and cons of both guys and go from there...Woudl be glad to offer more advice given more info about both guys! Good luck! :)

If you ever saw a late-stage AIDS patient suffer, you wouldn't have any trouble making this decision at all. I would go for the guy with quirky things you find attractive, such as a job. lol

What's the future looking like with HIV + guy? I mean honestly, is that what you want in a relationship?

Your not commited to either one so you are able to date more then one but eventually down the line you can decide but i would not leave it for too long b/c maybe one or both could fall for you but i also feel if you are looking for the long term quirky would be your safe bet

Ah decisions, decisions... should you choose the guy who can give you a lethal disease or the nice, normal guy? That's a tough one. Maybe you could flip a coin. Or play Russian Roulette.