Feeling jealous .. and hating it

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18-02-11, 12:18 AM
smyle

Feeling jealous .. and hating it

So my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 5 months and we are close and can talk about basically anything to do with ourselves and my friendship circle but when it comes to his the dynamics are off. There are only two girls in a circle of about 10 single guys and two in relationships (us being one of them).

When it comes to one of the girls I have always been a little bit 'wary' of her as she is very flirty (which I know may be natural). Since my bf and I have been dating he loves posting little lovey dovey status updates and she has always commented on any facebook status he put up saying things like "naww aren't you the sweetest" all the time!!! Just before valentines day he and his best friend (the two in relationships) went shopping for valentine's day gifts; they bumped into the other two girls and they tagged along. Later that night her status is "Pretty sure I have never been this jealous thanks to *my bf's name*" Now I was on alert and we (being her, me and my bf) had a long light hearted chat which ended by her saying "wish i had someone like *my bf's name*"

I let it go because he was supported me and said - "sorry *her name* but i all taken"
However it didn't take long for everything to rise up again as he asked me to send a text to her asking her to "bring *something* tonight" I asked him if he was seeing her that evening (duh?!) and he said "oh she is going to a friends party .. i would have invited you to come along but i know you have youth"

I spoke to him about how I felt about her and that I had this jealous feeling inside me and i hated it - all he said was "don't worry about it"

I was hurt but would get over it except there was a massive fight between his best friend and this girl . The fight went on for days and I warned him to watch what he does because it appears to outsiders that he is taking her side. he swore he was only mediating. I asked him to tell his best friend that and to discuss things with him = he did and all was fine (or so i thought)

Having not had access to internet i hadn't been on facebook this week and between seeing me at 1700 and 1830 on tuesday he went and had coffee alone with this girl - i found out because she posted on his wall "thanks *my bf* I really did need to talk to someone"

What do I do .. I move to university 2.5hours away tomorrow and I love my bf so much.
18-02-11, 12:28 AM
HeartIsAching

It sounds to me as if they're good friends, and she needed to talk to somebody about her fight with her boyfriend. I wouldn't read too much into it.
18-02-11, 12:36 AM
xxazurexx

You let him know that you are not comfortable with the fact that while he is in an exclusive relationship with you, you don't like that he appears to be getting too close to this female and that he will take her for coffee. You have the right to let him know, what is acceptable to you and what is not and if this guy wants to be with you.

If this female likes him as more than a friend, which it is pretty obvious she does, he is no more than 'leading' her on and into thinking that he may like her as more than a friend too and when he will entertain her for coffee. A red flag is, is that he kept this fact 'secret' from you. Some guys are dense, or would have us believe they are. Because we are female, we are aware as to how other females will operate and especially if they have eyes on our guy.You need to point it out that he could be giving this female the wrong impression.

If he loves you, he will back off from this female and tell her straight that although he likes her as a friend, it isn't a good idea and to hang around with her anymore and because he respects his gf and his relationship.

If he will still insist on taking her for coffee and so she can blab about her problems (an excuse obviously to get close to him, or else she'd go to her 'girlfriends with her problems), then ditch his ass....

If a man will place another female over you and after you have made it clear it upsets you.......he isn't worth your time!
18-02-11, 12:38 AM
xxazurexx

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It sounds to me as if they're good friends, and she needed to talk to somebody about her fight with her boyfriend. I wouldn't read too much into it.

See what I mean....DENSE!! lol ^^^^^ Men are so clueless.

She can't wait to get in his boxer shorts for gawds sake!!! lol
18-02-11, 01:45 AM
HeartIsAching

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxazurexx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

See what I mean....DENSE!! lol ^^^^^ Men are so clueless.

She can't wait to get in his boxer shorts for gawds sake!!! lol

I know, but it doesn't seem like he's "going there" with her. Just being her friend. Which is fine. He's being pretty up front about it.
18-02-11, 01:52 AM
courtney90

Don't stress it until you know for sure that something is going on between them. If you keep sayiing things to him about this it is only going to make things worse between the two of you and you are likety to push him into her direction. So just don't let it get to you. Just go on in life as if nothing was going on and they are just friends! Do you really want to risk losing him over something like this that seems innocent? Like I said you don't know for sure what is going on...so just take it day by day and see what happens.
18-02-11, 02:09 AM
xxazurexx

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know, but it doesn't seem like he's "going there" with her. Just being her friend. Which is fine. He's being pretty up front about it.

Nobody was saying he's going there! But the female is quite clearly and obviously 'into' him and is probably hoping it's gonna lead some place.....and it's not fine and for him to hang out with her if he is aware she likes him as more and because he' may be unknowingly giving the female a 'wrong' impression....

Which is why I advised OP to point out to her 'dense' bf, who may see it all as innocent, that he may be giving this female a false impression that he likes her as more also and if he continues to take her for coffee. Lots of people will read into things and wrongly.....this female could be one of them

Iif he isn't interested in her as more than a friend, then he will and would refrain from hanging out with a female he knows has the hots for him and to avoid giving her the wrong impression. He would also stop hanging out with her and if his long term gf is not comfortable with him hanging with a female who she knows has the hots for him....

End of the day this is OP\s relationship and she isn't happy. It is what is acceptable to her.....not what would be acceptable to us.
18-02-11, 02:19 AM
HeartIsAching

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxazurexx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Nobody was saying he's going there! But the female is quite clearly and obviously 'into' him and is probably hoping it's gonna lead some place.....and it's not fine and for him to hang out with her if he is aware she likes him as more and because he' may be unknowingly giving the female a 'wrong' impression....

Which is why I advised OP to point out to her 'dense' bf, who may see it all as innocent, that he may be giving this female a false impression that he likes her as more also and if he continues to take her for coffee. Lots of people will read into things and wrongly.....this female could be one of them

Iif he isn't interested in her as more than a friend, then he will and would refrain from hanging out with a female he knows has the hots for him and to avoid giving her the wrong impression. He would also stop hanging out with her and if his long term gf is not comfortable with him hanging with a female who she knows has the hots for him....

End of the day this is OP\s relationship and she isn't happy. It is what is acceptable to her.....not what would be acceptable to us.

I can see your point.