I really need help....long post, sorry :/
Hi everyone,
I have been in a relationship for almost 8 years now. He is my first boyfriend and is 12 years older than I am. We met when I was 19. Started dating a year later.
I now have a problem that is nearly reducing me to tears....someone else came into my life and he likes me....and I like him....and he seems more my type than my boyfriend. He is really sweet and kind, which my boyfriend is as well, but there are other qualities he has that my boyfriend does not....the biggest thing is that he listens when I talk. My boyfriend listens...sometimes...but most of the convo is 'oh yeah? uh huh. Yeah. Uh huh.' and then when I say 'what did I just say?' he can't repeat it. I go to bed alone every single night because he works afternoon shift, which isn't his fault, but this is not how I want to go to bed. As said, we have been together for almost 8 years and we don't even have ONE picture of us together....NOT ONE....that, to me, is just not right....he does a lot of great things for me and we generally get along well, I guess, but we don't have a hell of a lot in common. I like different music than he does, I like wrestling, he doesn't really like it, he doesn't play video games (besides Halo once in a blue moon), I do, he likes to watch any movie, I like to watch movies I am interested in, he has met my mom ONCE, met my dad twice, met my brothers once, I have met his family many times, we don't buy Christmas or birthday gifts because it's not really his thing (though he did say in the future we can start doing so...), he comes home from work and turns on his computer right away and watches movies on it....we just don't do couple things. He doesn't even hold my hand at the mall or outside for a walk. I am usually standing beside him or trailing a bit behind because he is a bit of a faster walker.
The other guy is the driver of the bus I take and he isn't your typical creepy old bus driver, he looks to be around my age. It all started a few weeks ago, I got on the bus and he was practically begging me to take a transfer because it was really cold that night and I didn't need one because I don't have very far to walk once I get off the bus. The second time I got on, he started to chat with me before I got off and introduced himself. The third time, it was super windy outside and he offered a transfer and I told him it was okay, I didn't have far to go when I get off, so he asked how far I go so I told him (it's a block away from the mall) and when I get on, it is his last shift and he goes to drop off the bus after so it is not a problem for him to drive me to the stop outside my building and he does this every single day now, and always chats with me before I get off.
I love my boyfriend a lot and I think I am starting to love this guy as well....but I don't know what to do. I don't really want to pull my boyfriend aside for a chat and say 'hey, I like this other guy so I am going to go off with him, let's be friends' and, at the same time, if this other guy happens to ask me out, I don't want to say no...I also am not a cheater so I will force myself to say no, I have a boyfriend, but I will be crushed if he finds someone else...
This is really hard because my BF and I seem to be on different pages at times and this guy seems too perfect....I find myself wanting my BF and I to argue so I can say 'okay, that's it, I am done' but I love him so much, I also don't want it to happen...I am stuck in the middle of this. I believe things happen for a reason and I have never been in this situation before. I don't know why this bus driver has been thrown into my life but I also wonder if I am missing a chance for a life I prefer...which sounds mean and hurts to say it but, judging from his schedule, since my ride is his last for the night, we'd be home at the same time and we have great convos, something I don't always have with my BF because he doesn't always seem to want to listen....
Another thing is, my BF got to play the field when he was younger....I didn't. I am getting closer to my prime and my brain is starting to wonder what I am missing out there...there are not too many people in this world who settle on their first love forever and, being older than I am by those 12 years, he isn't going to be able to keep up with me sexually....and I know this is embarrassing for him but he has not been able to satisfy for a long time because he's too quick....and I am left angry....and I know he is trying but people need to be satisfied and running out to buy a toy ain't the same as making love to the person you are with....
I don't know what to do...My idea is to ask the driver if he has MSN or something so we can chat (as friends) and hang out and keep it friends for now and see what happens. I know if I do this, my BF will probably be jealous that I am hanging around some other guy (and I did not mention any sort of feelings for this guy but I did tell my BF that he drops me off at the stop outside the apartment and my BF got silent and looked straight....he is a fairly jealous guy and doesn't like when guys even look...) so I know he probably wont approve (and I wont do anything sexual with him, just hang out like friends) and if my BF gets jealous, I'll just tell him, sorry, this guy is my friend and if you don't trust me, I guess it's time to move on.
I am VERY faithful and my BF has never cheated (as far as I know...) but he emailed two females on Craig's List before and told them when he works, when they can come over and if it was okay that he was asian....he says he was just being stupid and wanted to see if the ads were real (*rolleyes*) but I know they did not come over but the emails still hurt....
This is the worst situation ever....I don't know what to do and I will continue to wonder if I am missing out on something here....my boyfriend really loves me a lot so this is why it is so hard but I feel like I will get nowhere in life if I stick to this life...He is almost 40 and we don't even have a house yet or kids or are even married....this is not the position I want to be in but I also don't want to break up with him over it...I wish it were easy to just say 'you know, I think we should just be friends and you go find someone who has more in common with you and live a happy life that you want to live and I will do the same but we will always be best friends'.
Much help is needed here. I am scared of what decision to make and I don't want to hurt my BF and we are going good now but I am also afraid a chance is passing by and if I miss it, I will be stuck with being nowhere in life.
