my ego problem, but i love her..
My girl has a promiscuous past, and until today... I'm still trying to deal with it. I met her a year ago through a friend and she was absolutely such a sweet girl, innocent, bright and all the right qualities, I thought she was my dream girl.
After 6 months, most of my friends found out about us and some of them came to me and said that she was such a big whore and all that details which are too painful to listen to. So not knowing what to do next, I confronted her. She told me everything (maybe), and she totally regrets for what she had done in the past. I kind of understand why. Her parents are filthy rich, and they are workaholics. She grew up ..pretty much alone, so she didn't really get much attention.
The problem is, I wouldn't want to date a girl that has such past..but unfortunately.. I fell for her. I love her so much, but sometimes it's really frustrating because.. okay, this is my problem, I do get embarrassed whenever she's with me. I've had enough of the rumors and stupid questions like, "hey, is she still with you??" "how are things with her?? still around??" or friends trying to advise me for not dating her and she'd hurt me in the end. Yes, it's a risk but.. so far, she's doing quite well.
She told me she understands and I deserve not to want her as she was not being very honest at the first place. But I've decided to stay. I've made that decision..but it's still hard for me sometimes..especially with my friends. Here's the thing, she isn't like what they are perceiving of her; she's classy, confident and despite all the bad reputation, she's trying her best to conceal her image. For instance, she has cut most of her guy friends, doesn't party much, and from what I see, it seems like she has changed so much and is ready to commit. And I truly love her for that. But..maybe not so into her. I don't know.
I've had bad experiences with my ex-girl friends.. most of them cheated on me. And that's why sometimes I do get paranoid, or I'll just ignore her (fear of getting hurt). She has always been there for me, during the hard times and whenever we had an argument, she is always the first to make it up or to apologize. And that..my big ass ego takes its toll, I feel good for dominating her and I know it's not healthy.
Sometimes I wish I could leave her successfully (without having to keep falling back for her).. by the way I'm going to get promoted soon; secretly I wish I had more money and be able to meet someone else.. and that someone, all my friends are dying to have for. what should I do??????? **** my ego and insecurities!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
