What makes you feel loved, wanted, or needed by your partner?

So I was just thinking, what makes other guys feel loved, wanted, or needed?

I'm, personally, a bit hung up on sex, so I tend to think that initiating sex shows want.
Loved, I'm not honestly too sure, special attention or effort would probably do it.
As for needed, I don't think it's so much my partner, but how I feel about how I provide (reinforced by approval from my partner)

Sadly though, I feel passion in my relationship is extremely lacking, so I have a hard time feeling like my partner loves me, but that could be just be a preoccupation I have. I don't honestly think she doesn't love me, but I sure crave a feeling of want from my partner.

Loved: waking up next to the man you made love to the night before. Also, I have a child who will be undergoing a very serious surgery in a few months. I suppose I would feel loved if a man wanted to hear about how scared I am, and wanted to offer comfort.

Wanted: I agree that this implies sexual attraction, but also general affection.

Needed: Because of my line of work, I am inundated with people needing me, so this is not really something I would seek. I suppose I would feel loved if a man DIDN'T need me, but only wanted and loved me.

Needed: when he requests or asks things of me. I don't always like to do them, but do out of love for him.

Wanted: when he simply cannot or willnot keep his hands off me. Leading up to or not leading up to sex, it doesn't matter.

Loved: combination of affection and attention.

Needed: When my bf wants to talk about his worries and troubles with me. When we find solutions. When he values and takes my advice. When he says and does things that show he is thinking of his future with me in it.

Wanted: When he wakes partway in the night and pulls me close before going back to sleep, when he caresses or kisses me any time, seeks my hand to hold, stays as close to me as he can, compliments me, makes passing comments about anticipating our next time alone

Loved: When he does little things for me like fixing my living room light fixture that my ex broke or helping me hang a picture, when he goes out of his way to spend time with me, when he treats my kids well, really a million things he does and says that show me I am special to him. And when he tells me he loves me.

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Originally Posted by Regnent [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So I was just thinking, what makes other guys feel loved, wanted, or needed?

I'm, personally, a bit hung up on sex, so I tend to think that initiating sex shows want.
Loved, I'm not honestly too sure, special attention or effort would probably do it.
As for needed, I don't think it's so much my partner, but how I feel about how I provide (reinforced by approval from my partner)

Sadly though, I feel passion in my relationship is extremely lacking, so I have a hard time feeling like my partner loves me, but that could be just be a preoccupation I have. I don't honestly think she doesn't love me, but I sure crave a feeling of want from my partner.

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There is a book called the 5 Love Languages. You should check it out.

Basically what fills your "Love Tank" may or may not be what fills your partners.

You must know one what makes one another feel loved. For you it seems to be "Physical Touch" or maybe that is just what you perceive.

However his may be "Acts of Service" so he does things for you, you like them but they don’t move you the way sex would.

You have sex with him thinking that would be what he wants but really he would be better off if you kept the house clean while he was at work.

I'm not saying that is his or your love language it’s just an example. But it’s a good book for anyone in a relationship. As you might be doing nothing wrong but you might not be doing it right either.

I'm the guy btw.
And the physcial thing I suspect is just over exagerated because I feel it's the thing most lacking, so I spend more time thinking about it.

I posted more just to see how different people feel about certain aspects.

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Originally Posted by Regnent [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm the guy btw.
And the physcial thing I suspect is just over exagerated because I feel it's the thing most lacking, so I spend more time thinking about it.

I posted more just to see how different people feel about certain aspects.

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So substiute the him and the her's and sue me.

I'm just saying it works both ways.

You need to express to you gf/wife that what makes you feel loved is sex.

Ask her then what it is that you need to do to make her feel loved.

Do those things not because it will get you more sex, but because you love her and want to do them knowing that she will feel loved by you when you do.

In turn she will (in a perfect world) do the things for you that make you feel loved. (In your case sex).

So many things.

The way my wife looks at me when she thinks I don't see her.

The way she leans back into me when I walk up behind her in line and put my arms around her.

The way she listens to me, pays attention to what I say.

The way she's always happy to see me or hear from me.

Her screaming orgasms that keep the neighbors up at night, and vice versa.

The way we love to cuddle and sleep all tangled up together.

The way we don't need to entertain each other to enjoy each others company.

The fact that she never lies to me about anything, even though she easily could.

The fact that I don't need her to make me happy, but I am happiest when she's near.

I know that she loves me. I just do.

Your motive for feeling wanted isn't love via sex. Sex is merely the byproduct of a relationship where two separate people come together and choose to give each other a commitment with love.

What makes me feel loved? First to answer this question: YOU NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF. You need to love, respect and value who you are FIRST.
Once you do this: then you can begin to show them to your partner as the gifts they are meant to be: to give to someone you love/connect with.

Back to the question: what makes me feel loved?


AFFIRMATION brother. AFFIRMATION is where it's all at.


-Her waking up (if and when she does before me) she is thinking of what I want/need. I get a warm kiss, tender fingertips and a genuine smile of contentment indicative of a satisfied woman.
-I get random yet consistent displays of affection + love. She will grab my hand, hold tight. She kisses my hand, neck, seeks comfort from the world in me. You can feel a woman's love (for you) in her touch.
-Warm, long embraces, the appreciation of what I've done for her and shown/involved her in...Validating each others' concerns, issues, thoughts, feelings and emotions.
-I get the physical manifestation of all the things I told her about me when I met her: in the now, thoughtfulness. She thinks of me/my needs of preferences and tastes in food, clothes, movies + everything I like.
-She is flirty + playful, attentive to what I say. Values what I have to say.
-She also likes her alone time so that we can miss each other. She's not clingy, needy. IN fact she doesn't NEED me as in she'd die without me. She wants me in her life, and I, her in mine.

There's much more but you need affirmation, we all as humans need it.
It is so easy to love yet society says: people think only movies exemplify love as in fairy tales and romance novels.

If you are relying on your partner to supply your craving to feel wanted via sex and other superficial reasons: this isn't love, I'm afraid.
What you need to learn is that: YOU are responsible for you: and this includes your self motivation for being happy. You relying on her happiness
actually selfishly feeds and preys on her emotions/actions to make YOU feel a certain way which isn't fair for her. What about her?

Have you ever just either woken up, or when you are on your way to see a girl: stopped and though, "I wonder what she wants/needs and what can I do for her to satisfy her wants and needs?"
Learn to take the back seat and let her drive. Passion is a trait of love...but it sounds like your motives are all wrong.


Last point:


Sex can be a form of affirmation of a person's love for you...but it does not render approval as the basis for YOUR feeling of being loved via your partner's gift of sex.
Nor does receiving sex constitute "love."

Sex within a loving relationship means you connect on much more than a physical level...It's meta-physical. It's spiritual.

Approval isn't a word I would associate with love.

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Originally Posted by SelflessnHumble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Approval isn't a word I would associate with love.

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No, but validation is.

I like my husband to talk to me the death of our babies, not pass it off as nothing becuz it tearing me up. But i had to drop it and hide it away as not to annoy him anymore.

I would like him to understand how life changing nearly dying was and how i fought for him and how i need to talk about it.

I need him to show me love passion romance not cook me brekfast in hopes of getting his rocks off.

I need him to realize that when i feel ugly making fun of my white hair in walmart was hurtful and made me feel less attrative to him.

I need him be with me on more then a sex level.


Should I go on or is Regnents pity trip looking a little less one sided yet?

one word. COMMUNICATION.

What makes me feel loved is those little things she does for me. The way she looks at me. The way she holds me and touches me. The way she kisses me. The way she txt me out of the blue to see what I'm up to. The way she misses me if I'm not around for long time. The way she tries to include me in every aspect of her life, like going grocery shopping together. I feel love when the other person wants to spent quality time with me not really having to do anything special.

I have tried to talk to my hubby, I have tried to explain why I needed him to talk to me. I was ment with distaste and go away nnot interested attitude. Come on he's posted all over these forums he thought I would never see as to the monster I am. And yet maybe I am retarded but I love him and want to stay with him even as I read these lies and bullshit. Somethings wrong with me. And I spent the passed two days communicating with him and he doesnt seem to like it anymore. Its hard finding out in the end it wasnt someone elses fault after all.

Hard to communicate with a self absorbed bastard.