Living with my Ex-Fiance.. Don't know why its so hard to just leave

Hi I'm new here. Im currently living wiht my ex fiance. We just took out a lease on this apartment in Sept 10. In october we broke up and I gave him the ring back. We were supposed to get married May 14, 2011. I had to cancel everything and lose all my deposits.

We tried to get back together in Jan and everything was great, but only for a month. I have done so much for him since we tried to reconcile he has done just the opposite. Since we got back together he won't allow me to be his friend on facebook. He calls me ugly yet REQUESTS beautiful women everyday to his facebook. He calls me names and comes home at 5am and he leaves and turns his phone off. He swears hes not "cheating" but the signs are all there. I just don't leave for some reason. He's completely walking all over me and I know its wrong.

Since we got together I gained 50 pounds and started dressing more like he wanted me too (no heels, or tight sexy clothes) I lost who I was. I finally lost 25 pounds in the last few months and am working my way back down. I need to regain my self confidence and maybe itll be easier for me to leave. He thinks I'm psycho bc i get upset abut things, when i wouldn't have a reason to get upset if he didn't do this to me. I cry everyday over our relationship and need to find a way out. I think I'm ready to find someone thatll love me the way I love them. But need some advice on how to actually get up and leave. I have a place to go and I dont rely on him for anything. Im just in love and heartbroken.

I'm surprised after the way he's treated you, you haven't come up with the courage to just leave yet. You need to take a long look in the mirror and see that you are better than this. Yes you do love him, but try to take love aside for a minute here. Love alone does not make a relationship successful. He is not treating you like an equal and wants you to cater to him. He probably keeps you around just for that purpose. Stop thinking about him and start thinking about yourself. I think that's the issue here: you are thinking too much about him and what he does. You're taking away from yourself since you're not focusing on you and your needs.

This is of course a form of mental and verbal abuse, it could be very likely he's cheating on you. Many women are exposed to abusive relationships and its common that they will stick around in fear of what might happen if they leave, it is like living in weakness and fear and this is not LOVE, my grandmother was very vulnerable this way. I think you need to get up and brush yourself off, its gonna be easier said than done but you are not just a woman to be pushed around, you deserve to be respected and valued as a person and not a doormat. You can see clearly what he is doing to you so why can't you turn around and tell him that you are sick and tired of his bullshit (excuse my language but I believe in this situation it is most appropriate), there are many men out there who will value you as a person (better yet a lover), you don't need some idiot walking all over you, clearly he has some issues of his own but they are no longer your problem girl.

Walk out and pat yourself on the back for it, tidy yourself up, get yourself back into shape emotionally and physically, then go out and search because no good will come to you if you don't put yourself back out there. Also remember that men may be able to take away your pride but you must never let them take away your spirit and your strength, you are the stronger being, the mature one who does not hurl abuse in order to feel like the bigger person, people (men) like that deserve no partake in your life.
As I said before its all easier said than done but you know it is the right move in this case, take care and I hope this all works out for you.

Sapphire x