Insecurities & neediness

Hi everyone,

I have a thread in the dating regarding a situation with a gf and as I think about stuff i have seen some things I have done that add to my hurts.

I have, at times, been a bit needy but this usually happen only during the christmas holidays. Never really understood why except i used to LOVE christmas, the giving and cheer but the last three years it has been sort of blah.

I now know why the blahs and also the neediness. Back in 2000 my wife(ex now) asked me for a divorce by giving me a Dear John letter. That is always hard for anyone but she gave me that letter on chistmas eve!! I view her as being selfish and when those feelings creep up in new relationships, i feel those feelings just like they were yesterday and project them and if someone doesn't have time like I think they should I get needy because I feel the hurt and it swallows me up. Finally I understand the neediness I sometimes feel this time of year. My pressing a bit to show people I care is overcompensation for that..

I know this can drive someone away. I mean, I know myself that neediness is not attractive in the least. I mean I broke up with a woman because she begged me to give her another chance and I thought it seemed pathetic. So I guess, even if Lisa and I do not work I have learned something valuable to help me in a future relationship.

PS: My first year since that letter, that I put up a tree and am actually looking forward to christmas again.

So the lesson, if you have issues like I do, learn to understand them so that when you feel those emotions you do not act upon them in an irrational matter. It might not help this breakup but if you learn it should prepare you better for a future relationship.

Happy Holidays