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I would like to know if man usually have more power and control in a relationship if he earns more. If he earns more money, does it mean he can make most decisions and dominate the other partern?
But in today's society, women usually earn less than men. If women want to have equal share of power, do they have to earn the same amount of money?
Shouldn't matter, the relationship should be based on trust and respect not who owns the most.
If the male is controlling the relationship because he earns more it doesn't say much about the relationship imo
But what if he is earning more than me and pay bills more than me? Does it mean he can make more decisions and have more power and control?
How to have a balance of power though?
He can make more decisions and have more power and control if you let him :)
It's a partnership, shouldn't matter who is earning what.
If you cook more than he does, does that mean you should have more power and control? Income is just one component of something someone brings into a relationship.
No-one should be controlling anyone.
Easy way to explain this. If he lost his job and no longer earns as much, does that mean he no longers has a say in anything? That you would then have all the power and control?
It's a partnership and it should not matter who earns more than the other. My GF has a job, I'm unemployed but it makes little difference to our relationship. I'ts all about what you contribute and that includes a lot more than money
He has control over the way he spends HIS money. You retain control over the way you spend your, unless you allow him to take your power.
Women have vaginas.
Power and control have no place in a relationship. You want a relationship, it should be a partnership.
That's a hard one to get. It took me a lot of broken marriages/relationships to get to that point.
He makes more than me and the only power he's got is calling the shots on where the money goes. If HE wants to buy a new car with HIS money, go for it. If he told me what I am, or am not allowed to do or expected to do he can go f**k himself. Making more = power of his spending money, and no where else.
Nobody can take power from you. You give it away. Money is one of many resources partners bring into a relationship, and all those resources are shared out of a desire to be together. I may come to the table with a higher monetary income and more patience, but my partner may come to the table with better organization skills or the ability to stay calm in a crisis. Either you are both willing to call it an equal and fair split such that power can be equally shared without resentment, or you both need to go find someone else who brings what you need to the table.
A healthy relationship has two people more focused on giving than taking, yet each in tune with their needs and willing to communicate those needs and negotiate agreements for how they can be met. If one or both partners is more interested in taking OR not willing to acknowledge and communicate his/her own needs, the relationship cannot be healthy.
In a committed relationship (such as marriage), your money is put into a common pool. There is no "his" or "hers". If he makes most or all of the money, he does have a say in where the money is spent. You have equal say in where money is spent.
Money is only one portion of the total needs. There is also cooking, cleaning, errands, etc. If he makes all the money, then the other partner should contribute in other ways.
I posted last month about my situation where I had to lie in order to get my fiancee to spend less. For some reason, the lie became a reality, as if someone tried to make me undo the lie.
My credit card limit got reduced a week later for unknown reasons. My boss got into a financial obstacle and was unable to make payroll on time! So my lie was actually a time-shifted truth.
Anyway, my fiancee came through as I expected. She cut up my credit card. She is only spending money on food and necessities. She took a leave of absence from medical school,
she fired the cleaning lady, and she took a part time job. She knows how hard I work, so she is cooking all of my meals and giving me more sex than I ever expect.
So in the end, it is an equitable relationship. We keep each other happy, and we both contribute equally.
I think anyone who controls the finances can have more power if either partner treats it as a power issue.
If the woman (or lower earner) thinks the other person is in control, then they are to a degree.
Here is the way it works. While everyone is telling you it shouldn't matter. Ask yourself why you're here? Because it does matter. $$$ Matters.Quote:
Originally Posted by happycow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Now, if your man is paying the bills more than you and earns more than you I first have to ask you this:
What are you doing that contributes into this relationship? <-----------This matters just as much.
If you just sit pretty and thank him for doing everything without making an effort to pull your own weight?
Then Yes: why in the world should this man have to do what you say when he's the one to takes care of the bills?
Since I've been in this position I can tell you that I've always valued my woman's opinion on how we should spend our money.
Then again I've been fortunate enough to pick women who are very good at accounting for things.
Since your post has been very vague: why not give us some real world examples of what is going on.
Don't forget to include what you are going to help (whether it's financial or not) and the general figured difference in $$$ between you and him.
It happens, just as it happens a woman has control just because she has a vagina. It will all depend on the relationship.
However, I'd say it's not good to have any form of power over your partner. Or at least not when you use it. That will lead to either a failed relationship of a low self esteem .
Of course I have to agree with Selfless. If you only leech then something is wrong from your side. And this isn't a good situation either.
Selfless, not everyone was telling the OP it shouldn't matter. Rather that making more money does not give the man the right to lord it over the woman (or vice versa, as I actually make more than my bf right now). Nor would doing more of the cleaning or any other resource give a right to lord it over or claim more power in the relationship. But you have created a false dichotomy with this:
If you just sit pretty and thank him for doing everything without making an effort to pull your own weight?
Then Yes: why in the world should this man have to do what you say when he's the one to takes care of the bills?
The correct answer is that a guy (or girl) who is in an unequitable relationship that is bothering him (or her) needs to eithertry to fix it or get out. To disregard your mate's needs and desires because your needs and desires are not being met won't solve anything. It just adds a new problem to a set of existing problems.