need helped, urgently!

Hi everyone,

i forgot to introduce myself properly, but this weekend hapened to me something really shocking and i really need some help here!!!

met this guy online dating, liked him so much as we sent one another really nice mails twice to three times a week, then started chatting on a regular base and texing, all very sweet and quite innocent. After like two months he came over to visit for one day (he is from the UK) and it was ok, nothing happened, i showed him around, we were both super nervous and he seemed like a nice and decent guy, he even slept at my house....

now two months later, after intensifying our acquaintance, he started being very romantic and telling me how much he would like to kiss me blabla, all very sweet and not offensive at all, sounded like he cared a lot and so on...
so i went for a weekend to visit him and came back all destroyed!!!
by the way he is 29 years old, comes from a large family and is a very hard-working and responsible guy, who seemed apart from being very shy just normal and caring...

So well, he picked me up and was nice and polite, we made a little tour around town but as it was late we pertty soon headed for his place, which was also nice and all very normal just like he had it described it before...

and yes, we went to sleep as it got late, and yes i wanted to cuddle and even more, so we went for it but pretty soon i found myself in a porn film and i was not exactly a guest star more like a witness to his performance!! after that i had to give him a handjob and huh-it was all over...i was totally shocked as there has been no connection at all, only at the beginning like two real kisses and even after trying to get more-no chance! We fell asleep cuddling and i thought well, maybe because the first time is always weird i should not overestimate it, but then in the morning the whole performance started all again, and this time i realised he was masturbating with a girl in bed, that stupid girl was me it was all about his pleasure in a hundred different ways and to be honest he was quite dominant while showing me what to do. well, i once again felt like being in his porn movie. But as i really liked him i thought well, lets make the best out of it ...

Anyway, after being finished he behaved in a very cold and absent manner, super distant, we got ready and we went to make an excursion. I was quiet though i am a very talkative person, i could not believe what just had happened.
So funny, he really did everything i wanted and showed me around, took care of everything,was all thoughtful and shy as if nothing had happened, i started to wonder if he had a split personality or had sex while he was asllep as he seemed not to have any recollection at all, no connection with what had happened before.

And then the last morning he wanted the same thing again, i cut him really short as i did not feel like going through the whole torture again. Still he behaved like a whole other person...then distant and afterwards all sweet and nice again while out in town.
At the airport he waited with me for quite some time, and gave me two pecks, hugged me and was talking about when we were going to see eath other again. Later texting me how sad he was and how much he already missed me... i dont want to see him ever again thats for sure!! it was such a nightmare for me, i could not have been more dissapointed and shocked actually.

The romance was limited to the online chatting, hanging around was more like friends would do- any advance from my part had been rejected, and the porn-story in bed. ????!!!! and no connection in between these parts ...???

I have met a lot of guys in my life, some of them good, some bad, but this one scared me and makes me doubt in my knowledge of human nature.

Now, am i crazy? but is connection and kissing not somehow part of an affair or relationship? Do i overreact? Is his behavior normal or common? Please, help me understand this person, cause i am in despair.

I apologise for the long text and my bad English. Hope someone can help me decipher and understand better what happened.. thank you.

athena8

Were you vocal at all in bed? He seems to definitely be the dominant one in bed, but you should still speak up. It's as much about your pleasure than it is his. And since you didn't speak up after the first time, he probably thought you enjoyed it and so, that's how it's always going to go. Or maybe he realized you didn't enjoy it and that was the reason for the coldness? I'm probably not the best person to give advice, but I thought I'd give my two cents.

After everything, though, if you're not comfortable, end it. You shouldn't feel uncomfortable in a relationship. There are plenty of men out there.

Thank you so much Mangochan,

I suppose you are right with your interpretation and I was thinking of ending the whole thing anyway... I am now even more convinced of that than before :)

And no, I was not vocal as I really did not enjoy it and was pretty much confused.