A new Creep has entered the fray

As the title said, I am a creep. You know, the guy in class you move away from after the first day, the one you give the uncomfortable look to when he compliments you? That is me! Guys, I know most of you have had it up to hear with all the ladies clamoring to get with you and I can hear you asking yourself, "How does he do it?" and I wish I had some tips but it is just an aura I have. A scent I give off, an inflection in my voice I am unaware of, who can say for sure? I have had it my whole life and I sure can't.

My ability to scare away girls was something I was ashamed of for my childhood but since shame is uncomfortable and kind of made me want to wrap my lips around a glock I turned it into a point of pride since I could make girls uncomfortable just by sitting near them and not even looking at them at all! In a way it is a mark of power, right? The opposite of the Don Juan, the Lex Luthor to the Ladies Man's Superman. I got a lot of guy friends who use me as a wing man, so it wasn't all bad, I was popular with men at least. Why worry? My grandma always told me The One (TM) for you will come when you least expect it so don't worry. For the past few years I have left it up to destiny but she is asleep on the job: I have never had had a single second date, ever, and I figure, "Hey, a little self improvement couldn't hurt, right? I mean, I am only almost 30!"

The excuse "I am working on my masters degree so I have an excuse" will expire sooner than later and I am left with a serious problem because I don't think I am growing out of it as I'd hoped. The apathy shield I have worn for fifteen years doesn't like cuddling and I need to join the rest of you guys in the real world, lest I become a living Broadway production of "The Forty Year Old Virgin".

Look, folks, all joking aside, I am a ducking mess. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't having trouble containing the feelings I have kept bottled up for years. Over fifteen years I have stopped really allowing myself to feel infatuated and all was well, until recently, where I met a girl who actually talked to me and even made me a Facebook buddy! This uncharacteristic show of kindness is something I am not used to: it has punctured that fifteen year old barrier and now the corrosive, seething emotion is eating its way out. I have stomach aches over it and she is in a relationship with a guy who she lives with so my just asking her out is not an option - I'll be honest, I am not sure where this is headed, some days I am giddy, next day I am on the verge of tears, the next day I am angry - fifteen years of genuine emotion are coming back with a vengeance.

Hopefully you guys can help me deal with being human again and I can help you out where possible. "But you just said you never had a second date! What could you know?!" I hear you cry. Well, I may not be a ladies man but I have played wing man for them, watched some folks royally pigeon it up and watched others pull moves that would put the best pimps to shame. I am not blind, you know? I am willing to contribute as well as take so no worries there.

If you read this far, hallelujah, baby, it is over. Finally. What a long winded jerk, eh? Cookies and punch will be served in the next room.

EDIT: The rules say no Vulgar language. Now I talk like a sailor so my views on what is and isn't vulgarity are wildly different than what most often think. To be better safe then sorry, I will take out any language that could even be construed as vulgar so as not to peeve the admins. In place of vulgarity I will put in stupid, nonsensical words that sound similar, like they do on TV (EXAMPLE: [url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4t6zNZ-b0A[/url] ). Thank you for your understanding.